CLIPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXI, Issue 1716, 5 July 1883, Page 4

CLIPPINGS.

"A timk for awl things," as the cobbler said on commencing work for the day. " Pa, is it right to call a man born in Poland a L'ole ?" " Of course my child." " Woll, then, if a man is born in Holland, is he a holo V" "' Tut tut' I will answer no more of your silly questions." Thbv were lounging on the loun/e, their arms entwined. " Oli« ! my Sophie, dear," lio siglied, " you alone know how to love." Yes, Ebon, that is what they all tell me." The thermometer dropped toO.

A Birsiinoham manufacturer of potted moat was found to be in the hsibit of working off dead donkeys on the public, uitl has been sentenced to one month's imprisonment. He should be fed on his o\\ n meat while in gaol. "I'm going to a masquerade ball this evening and I want an appropriate dress," he Paid to the costumier. " What is your business ?" " 0, I'm a milkman." " Ah ! Then you'd better put on a pair of pumps and go disguised as a waterfall." A woman of high rank, who had been living m much quiet and retirement for some time, was called upon to entertain a large party at dinner. She consulted with l^ichol, he faithful servant, and all arrangements were made for the great event. As the company were arriving, the lady saw Nichol running about in great agitation, and in his shirt sleeves. She remonstiatcd, and said that, as the guests were coming in, he must put on his coat. "Indeed, my lady," was his excited reply, " indued, theie's sac muckle rinning here and rinning there, that I'm just distraokit. I hae casfcn't my corit and waistcoat, and faith I dinna ken how lang I can thole (bear) my bi eeks." — Dean lianiMti/. A l'vnsox, upon his pastoral rounds, called upon one of his ilock who happened to be revelling in the joys of washing day. The good woman, not wishing to appear before her pastor in her washing dress, hid behind a clotheshorse, and told her little boy that, when lie opened the door, lie was to tell the minister that she was out. She, however, unknowingly, in hiding, left her feet exposed to view, and, when the boy had lemaiked that his mother had gone out foi a walk, the pastor replied, " When she comes homo, tell her I said that the next time -she goes out walking she should take her feet along with her, as they aic mobt useful in walking any distance." Tin, following encounter took place in the Adelaide I'oheu Court between a lawyer and a ho.uy headed hanger-on of the footlights, who had been called as, to thcattieal management : — Counsel — " You say you A\ere in Knghnd as a theatrical manager in ISoT ?" Witness, duly— " Yes." Counsel -" When did you come out here '!" Witness — " 1537." Counsel, eagerly — " Oh ! then your English experience is of a bygone time, thirty-six years ago ?" Witness-—" I did not say o o." Counsel, wrathfully— " Don't tiifle or pcrv iricate Sir, you know what you said." Witness, cooly — " Yes, but I did not say I had not been home in 1577 and 1881." Counsel, confused — " What is your occupation now ? What are you doing?" Witness, calmly and diily— " Waiting for the \erdiot i n this ca-e." (Laughter) Counsel, snceringly — "Oh ! and what do you predict the verdict Avill be ?"' Witness, quietly smiling — " Well, as >ou aie for the plaintiff, I should, say judgment should go tor the defendant."

Wvxthi v Wn%— What peculiar ideas of humour some of our Uolonial friends must lia\ c, says the Ciltj Pnss The Agent-Gcneial of one of our Australian Colonies received lately a comnninication from a settler up country, stating that lie was a highly piospcrous man, well-known in his> own neighbourhood, snrioiinded by every comfort a nun could leasonably dc&iie — but one. He was a single man. Would the agent do linn the great kindness to select tor him in England a suitable partner ? He was himself 3.1 yoai.s ot ago, «ound in wind and limb, fairly well educated, and fairly good looking. Ho wanted health rather than beauty, good temper lather than accomplishments, and cheerfulness rather than money. Upon receiving intelligence from the agent that he had discovered such a treasure he would at once forward a good round sum for all necessary expenses ot passage and outfit, together with all piopcr cicdentials as to lespectability and truthfulness. He then went on to say that within a few miles of his f.irm was a friend of his, in the same unfoitunate condition as himself, but he, not being quite so prosperous, would like his treasure to bring just sufficient money with her to, as it weie, pay for her own board and lodging ; but in any case he should liim^elt expect to have choice. I'lom enquiries he lias made, the agent lias e\ cry reason to believe that the application is bo>m Jiih; and he is in a slate of doubt what to do— the ainsement :t might probably afford him on the one hand, in case of success, being more than cntiutet balanced by the possible responsibility on the other, in case of failure.

Thomas ( AKivr-iK (says was not a philo-anstoci.it. As, for example, when ho wiote of the Scottish nobility : —It is worthy to note thut the nobles of [ the country have maintained a quite despicable behaviour horn the tunes of Wallace downwards— a selfish, ferocious, famishing, unprincipled &et of hyienas, from w hom at no time ami in no way lias the coitntiy derived any benefit." Bat none loved less mob rule. Fioude s.iys :— " Jle (Carlyle) knew well enough that the welfare of the state like tiie wolf »ie of everything else, lequirecl that the u isc and good should govern, and the unwise and selli.sli should be governed ; that of all methods of discovering and promoting your wise men, the voice of a mob was the least promising; and that if rcfoim meant only libeity and the abolition of all authonty, jiust or unjust, we might be worse ott than we are at pie&ent. "'

Wuhik the Ideas C\me Prom.— A good story is told about the late Herr Wagner and Alexander Dumas pcrc. Wa«ner, it is known, was in the habit of chesting in an eccentric iashion, and put on special garments to compose in. This seemed folly to the French novelist, who permitted himself to be irritated by what he deemed a preposterous piece of affectation. When Wagner called one day, he was kept waiting for half-an-hour in an ante-room. Then the author j of the Trots Msmqueturies marched in superbly attired in plumed helmet, a cork life-belt, and a flowered dressinggown. "Excuse me for appearing in my working-dress," lie said majestically. " H.ilf my ideas are lodged in this helmet, and the other half in a pair of jack-boots which I put on to compose love-scenes."

Rats and Mice.— lf you -wish to destroy them get a packet of Hn i.'sMagic Vfrmin Xii i iK in p.iokets, (id, Od, and Is, to be obtained of all storekeepers, or irom T. B. Hii.i. by enclosing an extra stamp.

Lifk in the Bu.sir— Then and Now. — It is generally supposed that in the bush we have to put up with many discomforts and privations in the shape of food. Formerly it was so, but now, thanks to T. 13. Hill, who has himself dwelt in the bush, if food does consist chiefly of tinned moats his Colonial Saucij gives to them a most dejertablc flavour, making them as well of the plainest food most enjoyable, and instead as hard biscuits and indigestible damper bis ImI'uovi'.i) Colonial Making Powdkk makes the i cry best brcid, scones, cakes, and pastry far superior and more wholesome than yeast or leaven. Sold by all storekeepers who can obtain it from any merchant in Auckland. You will do well to furnish your house from Garlick and Cranwcll's. They have now the most complete Furnishing Warehouse in Auckland, furniture to suit all classes, good strong, and cheap. They have Tapestry Carpets from SJ*. 3d per yard, Brussels from 3s lid per yard, Linoleum from 3s Od to ss, Oil Cloths from Is (5d to 4s Od per yard, good 12 feet wide Oil | Cloths at 3s 6d per yard. Immense assortment of Iron Bedsteads from Infants' Cots to 6 feet wide half-tester Bedsteads. Double iron Bedsteads from 255. 480 Bedsteads in stock to select from. Beddings of all kinds and sizes kept in readiness. Dining, Sitting, Drawing-room Furniture, and and a large assortment of Manchester , and Furnishing Goods, including ,a. f( Jpt ofi Cretonnes. Book Catalogues sent free to intending purchaser's. Garlick and Cranwell, City Hall Arc»do, Qu'een-rtrcet, Auckland; „ , * 4

Why was Lord Byron a veiy goodtempered man ?— Because he always kept hia collar {cfiotar) down. A young man, who has recently taken a wife, says he did not find it half i>ohard to get married as to net furniture. A oentlevas having asked, " How many dogilaya are there in u year ?" received for answer that it was impossible to number them, " as every dog has Mb day. •' On, I've loved before !" said a Detroit woman to her fourth husband, as she took a handful of hair from his head because he objected to hang out the wick's washing. At a christening, while the minister was giving the certificate, lie happened to say, " Let me s°e, thia is the 30th." " The thirtieth !" exclaimed the indignant mother ; " indeed it is only the eleventh !" It was the funeral of the head of the family, so the story goes. A neighbour in the churchyard, whib the service w.is going on inside, was speaking of the dt ceased, and took the opportunity to observe, in a tone of subdued sympathy, " And he has just got in his coal and potatoes for the winter. It is a sad case."

Axluisn Bkautv. — A. handsome face is not without its drawbacks, even when the " gift of beauty" is not " fatal." The people of Belfast, according to a Hone paper, have almost gone mad over the pure Greek face, with its artistically arched brow, the classically pillared throat, and exquisite complexion of a young Irish girl born Blackrock, County Cork, and a worker in Carter's mills in the city of fine linen. She is described as eclipsing any female which the British Isles or li eland have produced in all the elements of surpassing loveliness. So great arc the crowds that surround the mills to see her that the proprietors allow her to depart a half-hour before the other operatives in order to get rid of the polite mob. Lately she visited a shoe shop in North street, Belfast, kept by one Maginnis, and was followed by several bundled people. The crowd increased to such an extent that policemen were called into requisition, and the besie»ed beauty was compelled to beat a retreat through a rear door. Ireland gave birth to three Sheridan sisters, called the " Three Graces" in consequence of tiieir extreme beauty, and here is a Hebe who seems to eclip.se all.

Patkkxostek Row.— The fire at Messrs Kegan, Paul ami Co.'s cleared nway a large area in the crowded neighbourhood intersected by narrow streets between Newgate street and Paternoster low. The avenues, though cr.unpod and insufficient for the traffic of the spot, are yet a great improvement in many respects on the vicinity, which, till the removal of Newgate Market and a d«nse pack of old tenements, many of them built of timber in the last stage of rottenness, was one of the most dangerously inflammable quartets left unimproved in all London, The great development, iv recent years, of the publishing trade , has led to the occupation of many new and spacious warehouses, in the modern blocks of buildings north Paternoster row, by large linns of a character similar to that which has distiugui.-hed for centnricb this most honourable of '" book street's." That literature in the time of Old St Paul's should have gathered round the Cathedral was natural enough, for learning was closely allied to the ecclesiastical institutions, from which, indeed, it had wholly spuing. But it may be doubted whether Paternoster row was so called on account of the number of stationers and text-writers who dwelt there, dealing in horn hooks and A.B.C.'s, with the Paternoster, Avo Maria, Creed, and Graces accompanying the elementary scholarship which was all more or less religious. Makers of rosaries, or " paternosters/ as they were called, lived here in the reign of flenry the Fourth ; and after them, till the great fire of London, mercers, silkmen, and dealers in lace usurped the thoioughfaie, St Paul's Churchyard itself being the great mart of learning and knowledge. Still, the history of Paternoster row as the favourite luunt of the old booksellers is highly venerable, and the adherence of their successors to the same locatity, in spite of its many inconveniences, is worthy of note — Dm hj Telegraph .