PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 2724, 13 October 1887, Page 2

PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

BY Our Wellington Watchman. Wellington, October 11. In that good old past, when there was really such a thing as English humor; when London Punch was truly a comic paper, when such artists as John Leech drew for it, and such writers as Thackeray, Mark Lemon, Tom Taylor, and others of similar mental calibre, crowded live fun-full of vim, chic, and point into its merry pages; before Burnand made it criminally respectable, and Linley Sambourne demonstrated that artistic eccentricity is not necessarily synonymous with artistic genius; in those good old days English humorists were fond of comparing the British House of Commons to a boys' school, either on the point of breaking up for the holidays, or returning to the classical care of Dr Rlimber when the holidays had flown. As, from my perch on high, I gazed down upon our own assembling senators last Thursday afternoon, I could not help feeling how appropriate was Punch's ancient comparison. Truly men are only ohildren of a larger growth, and tho wit and wisdom of Now Zealand, in her Parliament assembled, displayed on a more mature scale all theidiosyncraoies and humors of a pack of schoolboys on that awiul first day after the holidays when theyreturn to Greek roots and birching ad lib.

Punctually as the bell sounded its infernal din on Thursday afternoon, Members commenced, to troop into the House. There were the old boys who knew the ropes, looking cocky and complacent, and the new fellows who did not know the ropes, looking sheepish and lost, and may-be a trifle mammy sick. These new comers were not without a certain pride of their own, however; they were a little stuck up. at tho idea of going to a big boy's school, and not oblivious to tli'e* fact that they are. entitled to write M.H.R. after theiriilustrious cognomens. They realized- that the eyes of their adoring mammas aud admiring sisters were- otf; them, and yet were not without an under current of consciousness that, .they were very new; and father'ighorant, that the older scholars looked upon them with tolerant contempt!' and the reporters up in the gallery were grinning at them.

Members slowly take their seats, and the old hands look round and nod to acquaintances as if the place belonged to them; the new chunjs steal glances modestly from under

their brows, I notice one or two of: the first .time elected men are , very youthful and ingenious in appearance. One tender young dude, who bails from Canterbury .way, wears curls, parts his hair in tlie middle, and is adorned both by fringe and a bang. He seems to be under the wing of the redoubtable Kerr who beat Hurstkouse of Motu§k I feel sorry, for that adolescent dude.' •If he is as innocent as he looks hewillriot|remahi solong if Mr-Eerr ia going to bring! him up by hand, I notice also another fledgling from Dunedin-with a'fearful family resemblance" to 'Smike in Nicholas Nickleby. • -

However, there was not much'time in which to take observations—these will come. Members were barely settled when a respectable looking old gentleman,,, with white bands flying free, and a wig, I think he had a wig, and who seemed a cross between an unbeneficed Anglical clergyman and a briefless barrister, came in, and, after posturing a little, invited us to the Lords, and so, posturing again, departed. He respond to .the invitation and hurry off to the Ohainbor of Horrors where membors group themselves at the door, Downie Stewart in advance with his best cross-examination, air on but with remarkably little haii* on—even less than he 'wore last session. Then some other clear delightful ancient, wigged and white-banded, reads us something .which would no doubt have been thrilliugly interesting could we only have heard its.purport, and we return meekly to the Lower House.

The first parson I notice on my return is the Hon. John Ballance who. sitting on the old bench irressistibly reminds me of Matthew at the receipt of customs, but of Matthew who had taken a bad half sovereign in change, and was grieving over it—very sad indeed looked the Hon.' John. To him came at intervals some of the old supporters of his party, who wrung his hand with a silent toarfuluess, and passed on. After every handshake, John wistfully regarded his right hand -possibly to discover whether it was quite clean after three years ot office,

Then the swearing in "happened. Members names were called alphabeti-! cally, and they came up in little groups. Atkinson and Ballance are in the same batch., Tho former signs his', name with a bold flourish as one whose hour of victory had come ; Ballance boggles and signs in the wrong place, The sweating in is rather funny. It seems to me an unexplained law of nature that; two short men, and ono long man should be sworn in at the same time. The tall man seizes tho testament,..and holds it nearits mouth, ready to kiss it at the smallest provocation, and the . little people, standing on tip-toe, hang on to a corner each for dear life. One high individual had the greatest difficulty in kissing at all; the little men -one of whom was Downie Stewaiir-exhibi-.. ting the greatest reluctance to part with the sacred volume.. When Downie finally captured the book, he held it in both hands/ gave it a fervent smack, and then took a long look at the place' where he had kissed it—to see if the kiss had scorched the page, likely— and then signed his name, wondering, I expect, whose bill of costs he would charge for performing tie operation. '

While the swearing and.signing was proceeding I glanced around tbe House and. noted the havoc the lato general election had made in tho ranks of tho old members, Still plenty of familiar faces were in evidence, I noticed among others little Samuel, tho Taranaki lawyer, with a new coat and an old smile, and looking as contented as if he had just won a big case and tho costs had been paid, Mr Monk, who last session looked as weary and as dreary as Tennyson's Mariana of the moated Grange, wore—for him—an almost cheerful expression. Fergus loomed large and affable; Taylor of Sydenham was there, hairy, urbane and secretively jocose as ever. Sir George Grey was there, a trifle the worse for wear. Mr Ross of Dunedin has lost nothing of that bountifully benevolent aspect, which distinguishes him. ' Mr Dobson of Blenheim still dreams the happy,happy hours away and the O'Callagban grina his ghastly grin of yore, Mr Hobbs, who deserves the thanks'of the Country for saving us from the infliction of John Lundoti, was on hand Bowaß Mr Mills of Port Chalmers, .seemingly more at home this- session, having ceased to be a " uew boy." Mr sat in his accustomed seat looking as fit-as a fiddle. Here too is Mr Kerr,clothed, audin his right mind, and with his boots on, A new Maori member of methodiatioal aspect—a brown Methodist with a blue ribbontakes everything that -is passing, iu with the quickness and vivaoiousness of his race,

The swearing in over, Mr J. D, Lance arises and commences apparently to preach a rather'lugubrious sormon, but really to propose that Sir G. M. O'Rorke be re-appointed Speaker of the House ;• this is seconded by Mr W. F. Pearson and carried by acclamation, and the' Speaker elect is conducted to his chair, and the gentleman in/the swallow-tailed bergee and white choker lifts- "that bauble" from its hiding .place and puts it on the table, while a new member of Hebraic, not, to 6ay Faginisb, physiognomy', wonders' whether the mace is gold, and what it would fetch after being tried in the 'melting pot. Then'the Speaker made a little speech, and promiued to. combine firmness with .urbanity, Sir Julius Vogel and Major Atkinson eaoh offered hia) congratulations. Major Atkinson hoped by Tuesday to be in a position to make a statement,, and this rather uninteresting meeting closed.

There is no necessity to weary your readers with a recapitulation of the various political rumors which darkened the Wellington'air between Thursday and Saturday last. .. Eventually expectant office holders were put out of their misery, and the formation of another Atkinson Minisiry was unfait accompli. How long after their policy ■is promulgated this Ministry will hang

together it is difficult 'to say. Many think it will last the session; 1, for one, do not, >,' j: Tuesday, Oct, 11, at 7,30 p.m. | A pretty solid attendance in all parts of the flous#. Major Atkinson • and . followers have jumped the j Government benches, What is left of , that Government spreads itself-on the left of the Speaker,-- Sir Julius Vogel . looks remarkably well, and ready for any turn in the wheel of fortune, but Mr Ballance evidently, cannot reconcile himself to take his gruel. - 1 The late Colonial ' Treasurer and Defence . Minister have cut. the loaf-; each has bought a kettle of his owny and- they-, .neither .borrow-nor lend. That is,'they have quarreled. After prayers, some correspondence between the Governor and House was read, from which I gathered that the House promised to be gsod, and the Governor promised to be affable, Those who had not been previously sworn in, now swore. Then Major Atkinson told us he had been sent for by the Governor ; that lie had formed a Ministry, and the Ministers were so and so, He proposed to state oil Wednesday the coarse of business. Then Sir Julius Vogel, in a yoice that was child-like and bland, enquired who was Postmaster General, and Atkinson, with some, considerable pomposity of (one, 'replied," "I-am, Sir!" To which the gentle Julius answered, " Oil!" A horribly sarcastic Oh. Bold Seddon of-Kumara, whose, facile jaws' have doubtless rusted from long disuse, here arose, to, know-his manner was loud and .severe-whether the House would bo asked on Friday to adjourn for a fortnight, Atkinson said yes, and Sir Julius Vogelaud Mr Oriuond had each a little say, After, Seddon again arose and proposed to take the Houso back to what happened in 1884, and then we knew that the dear old delightful parliamentary game had began, and that in the chaste society of Seddon, Levestaui, and a few more, «e should often be asked to take excursions iuto j the dim vistas of the lout; ago, Those excellent old fossils detest the present, and aro ever, like the unfortunate Mrs Lot, looking back. Would to goodness that Heaven would moroifully repeat the pillar of salt miracle. Of course little Samuel had his little chip in, aud equally of course Mr Pykc threw a barrel or two of oil upon the troubled waters, (He suggested that the Governmental' Statement should bo brought upon Friday fortnight,so that the discussion might commence on Tuesday, as members would then havo Sunday on which to study it. And smiling serenely, as ono whoso aims are purely angolic and seraphio Pyke sat down, Thereupon Sir Julius . arose'to explain something which had happened in 1664, or 1861, or 1884,0r at some other time, and he aud the Major, who i 3 rather bulldoggy already had a littlo snarl which wa3 neither polite nor interesting, and svo: came 1 away. Ifj ray.chronicle is not very . entertaining, your readers must blame i members for being still on. their good . behaviour, If OU3 bun judge by signs and tokens there Will be some lively scriuifrthis sessiou.-. " ■'.