HOW THE DEED WAS DONE! (A FRAGMENT.)

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 193, 19 October 1871, Page 7

HOW THE DEED WAS DONE! (A FRAGMENT.)

Scejte — A room in the Provincial Buildings. Time — (Last Session) evening. DKAMATIS PEHSOIf^I. \The Liberal -r- ( Leader, and Deead fan honest ■ / man. Hoeatio ) A. patriotic Johannes Sextalionis | band of Jacobus Niger }■ liberal broJacobus Mis on j thers of the Gteobgius Soriblehtjs J name of B.

Dread — * * * * Never before in the reign of James the Just have we been so cabin'd, cribl'd, confin'd — so

Gteorgius (entering) — Ha! ha! here we are again, we busy B.s, met in solemn conclave to devise measures to unrivit the chain of thraldom from the necks of a long-suffering people ; to. succour the down-trodden and snobridden populace; to send to eternal smash the haughty oppressor ; to

HoftjViio — I wish you would dry up, Greor£iuß ; we are not now in the Council, and have weighty matters to discuss, in which ground and lofty fumbling may ultimately form a useful part, but not at present.

Dread (resuming)— I have often pointed out that this must be met. To-day I have bad a letter of most insulting brevity, demanding that our indebtedness be paid at once, or bailiffs will our house, adorn. This, mark me, is a consummation I have sworn to prevent ; and need I remind you of your frequent assurances of hearty co-opera-tion to thwart the infernal machinations of my fell enemy. In this mill-stone of debt he fancies he discerns his opportunity ; and truly, unless something be done instanter, I see the circle of our fate narrowing — our chances of power for ever extinguished. I have called you together, my trusty friends, to counsel, and would have you propound your views on this our perilous situation. From your wisdom and Ionu; experience, Johannes (without disparagement to any. other most faithful Councillor present), I looV for such advice as will us extricate from this most unheard of dilemma.

Jacobus Minor (interrupting) — Suppose you let the bailiffs take possession, and thus shew the pensive public that' something must be done ; say, sell a big block of iand somewhere in Terra Moa. Why, I think it is the best thing you could do, and would be at once our offence, punishment, and most complete exoneration.

Jacobus Niger — G-ently, my ingenious and straightforward friend. Such a course would be what's called in common parlance, playing into the enemy's hand, and would too surely forward their little game ; and where would I be in the estimation of my clodhoppinp; constituents ?

Horatio — The suggestion of our little brother Jacobus is one having the germ of good in it, but requires much careful elaboration of details, a due regard to time aud circumstances, and, above all things, a bold and steady frout in carrying the management into practice.

Dread —To-day I have received an offer, which accepted, would go far to relieve our present needs, but much, I fear me, would be greatly decried by clamorous agitators. You are aware that careful soundings by confidential agents of Ursa Major, King of Terra Moa, have repeatedly been made of late. The action of those agents has [now assumed the definite form of a letter, the proposals contained in 'which (a3 walls have ears) each of you t will read for himself ; carefully weigh the ierms and conditions set forth therein, and say what think ye of them. (Hands the letter round.) Need I remind you that on this depends much t|iat concerns you all most intimately ? It means inter alia power to enable me to fulfill some of my numerous promises too well remembered by you to need rehearsal now.

Horatio (returning the letter — 'Tis a tempting bait I confess, but I will none of it ! I have a .character for probity to maintain, and a> well-estab-lished reputation to looae ; (to

Dread) : Think you I set light store by them.

Dread — Consider well how you decide ; Lawrence, no longer in leading strinujs, ia pjrowinaj rusfcjy-, and. not in a. mood .to be further trifled with.

Horatio — Say, that to my Lawrence you will give La Belle Amy for whom be long has pined, and I no longer hesitate.

Dread — Already have I told you the fulfilment of my oft-repeated promises depends upon your present action. What would you plainer ?

Horatio — 'Tis a bargain! I know well the pace from whence the loudest outcry will set forth. My best endeavours will be used to allay the rabid excitement that will ensue on hearing tbe news. My warmest sympathy and most virtuous indignation will he at the service of the indignant Bengerites. Much good may it do them, for 'tis genuine.

Jacobus Minor (with a wink) — Gentlemen, you'll be the death, of me. My heart is broken !

GrEOitGius — The offer under discussion has my approval, good fellow citizens, subject to one condition. Dbead — 'Tis granted ! Say no more ! Jacobus Niger — Truly you have a pleasant way of settling those matters, only it so happens that of the fix you take rather a personal than a " broad and statesmanlike view." Now, as ill luck would have it, my dear constituents are deeply interested in tin* issue. I pray you tell me (assuming my consent) how am I to keep clear of the infernal scrapes it promises to land me in. You may forgot, but I <-au never — no never forget that I am the "friend of the people," of "settlement v. sheep," " the poor man's friend,"' and sustain, of other patriotic characters, a variety too numerous to particularise. My duty plainly lies in revealing this "dark and foul conspiracy" 'gainst the rights of the people (bless them !) for was I not by their most strenuous exertions elected Knight.. You need not wink, my little Jacobus ; faith " 'tis truth I am telling you," and the question puzzles me how are those much-loved friends of mine to be appeased ? Johannes — Deeply have I studied this perplexing business, and prayerfully I have turued the matter over in my secret chamber. I now briefly recapitulate the position of affairs, and humbly would' a remedy propound. 'Tis this. We are in desperate plight — want money, and must have it. 'Tis offered on conditions the reverse of pleasing. I counsel that they be accepted, and as for the manner of the doing — Propose a resolution in tlip -Chamber affirming it desirable to sell 50,000 acres to relieve our pressing impeeuniosity. Let this be passed at once, without in any way indicating the place where it is intended to operate. The rest is easy. During our absence North the upright Hugo Cute'un and the Vice-Gaffer can, do the other part. When we learn the deed is done, we'll send a most indignant telegram to " stop the sale," and so nonplus the simple clodocrats by throwing this little pinch of dust into their eyes — d'ye take ? All — Capital ! By Jove, a very Macbiavelli ! ' Jacobus Niger — It may be well for you, gentlemen, but I'll the brunt of it have to endure. Such din and clamour will my loving people raise that our next merry meeting will be rather sultry. I am informed they haye most pleasant ways of rewarding their old friends — such as by elevating artistic semblances of them tied round the neck by rope to the nearest tree. Although I think them silly, still would I rather not give the opportunity to the pitiful rabble to treat me thus.

Dubaj)— That matter is settled — the dogs, that bayed the loudest in times gone by have got a bone that will stop their uy;ly jaws. Besides, there's Scullion, Carolus Quixote, and Man Friday, honest men, and faithful followers of Ursa Major, may be trusted to prevent the further pursuit l)y drawing a red herring across the trail. (Whispers.) Johannes (wifch up-turned eyes) — Thankful am I ! At last our fair Otago will resjain her health. Lonir hath she -suffered from a languid circulation, and though a seeming paradox, this blood letting, I'm Fanguiiw, will have the effect of making her more vigorous in all her members. The; disease was desperate, and a desperate : remedy required.

Dread-— Need I say how much to all of you I am indebted. This scheme a weight has taken off my trouble's \ mind. G-EORGiua— (Thebellrinsts)— Time's up! ,Let-'s go to the Senate House. To-night I'm loaded to- the muzzle wito grape and canister, and red-hot shot. - I'm going "to fire my heaviest broadside at "doomed squatrerdom in 1 defence of the popular rights. Johannes — Bsturn we to our muttons. An, — Ha! ha I hoi ho! not bad for Johnny ! [ISxeimt omnes.

At a meeting held in Hyde Park on July "30th, Mr. Odger said that "the Royal Family, including the civil list and the allowances to the whole string of princes and princesses, domestic and foreign, now cost the country oi f er a million per annum. It was a shame, and it was n»ore,.it was a robbery.