AT TAPANUI.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 193, 19 October 1871, Page 7

AT TAPANUI.

Oa the western side of the Blue Mountains, almost midway between Duneclin and Invercargill, forty miles from Lawrence, and fifty miles from Balclutha, is situated the village — I beg pardon, the township— of Tapanui. From Lawrence road, the township has a very picturesque appearance, the houses composing it being scattered along the edge of the hush, the dark green foliage of which pleasingly contrasts with the white buildings, the background being the Blue Mountains. The principal support of the town is the timber trade, carried on by three mills (a fourth is in course of erection) ; but but it receives considerable help from the sheai'ers during the season, as also from the small diggings of Scrubby Flat and M'lntyre's. " The resident population consists chiefly of those engaged in the sawmills, teamsters, carpenters, and the families thereof, whose wants are purveyed for !iy two storekeepers, two bakers, one butcher, one bootmaker, one tailor, and three publicans. There are also two blacksmiths. In winter time very little is done, but I was informed that in summer business was pretty brisk. Having now given as good a description as I can of Tapanni, I will proceed to relate my experiences therein.

I arrived at Tapanni in great tribulation of spirit (the cause whereof will be found hereafter), about six p.m. ; and having given my \raW moke in safe keeping, I devoted ahout forty-five minutes to getting outside a quantity of provender. Having accomplished this ff-ar to xny satisfaction, T charged my clny clhudeen (excavated from the ruins of Ninevah, and presented to me by the ex-Emperor of the French), and lighting it, through the smoke proceeded to survey Ta pan ni human nature in the form of the landlord. Finding nothing remarkable about Ms personal appearance, and with the view to ascertain whether he had any mental peculiarities worth noting, I, by the application of a liquid conversational aperient, established friendly relations with him. I was just on the point of making: some valuable discoveries in psychological or some other science, when a party from the saw mills* invaded the premises, and carried Boniface off to the Oddfellows' Lodge, where I presume he remained for the next two and a half hours, for I did not see him again until thai, until that period elapsed. While I sat Ky the fire wondering whether the Emperor of China intended to kidnap the Arrow Miners' Association, convey •them to Pekin, and compel them to eat their secretary in the form of sausages, the door opened, a head appeared, and a voice demanded beer ; the beer was supplied, the head disappeared, and the door closed. Feeling curious at this mysterious visitation, I enquired of the lady who appeared to rule the spirits the name of the proprietor of the head. The spirit ruleress replied "that it belonged to an Oddfellow, and that the beer was for the consumption of the Order. Upon receiving this information, I mused, but my musings were interrupted several times by the visits of the head — said visits always resulting in beer, supplied in gin bottles. Leaning back in my chair, I pondered over this matter, and after doing so for about an hour, remarked to my pipe, "Is it possible that a Noble Grand of this Order — established several years before time immemorial, and on whose roll are inscribed the names of Confucius, Mahomet, Fish, junr., and other distinguished residents of this planet- — is it possible that that august functionary, enthroned in state, while performing the mystic rites appertaining to his exalted office, amid the, ecstatic awe of the brotherhood, descends to tilings sublunary so far as to pirtake beer out of a gin bottle ; or is the liquor for the consumption of weak nerved brethren unable to bear, unfortified, the revelation of the awful mysteries of Oddfellowship?" At this juncture my eyes closed, a strange perfume filled the room, and I felt conscious of the presence of a higher organisation. An invisible hand gently took my pipe out of my mouth, and laid it on the mantlepiece ; F felt rather indignant at this liberty, and tried to expostulate, but my tongue had lost the power of utterance. All my faculties were active, but seemed to be under the control ofi somebody else — in fact I was in a state: catalepsy. Suddenly I was . seized by; invisible but powerful hands, 'and' cirried thvoug'j space, and safe down im a room without any windows or doors ' but which was illurrined by a "dim* religious light. ". M.y faculties now re-f turned to their allegiance, but although! I had my clothes on all right, I conldn'ti find my. body. Iti had I altogether. - t While I -was puzzling and \ mourning over my absconded -fparae (?), j which had served me- faithfully and : well, a voice, sweet and musical, apparently coming from six directions, j inquired if I knew who I was. "I do," I replied ; " can you tell me where .my body's gone to?" "Yes," said the spirit ; " you left it at Tapanui. You are a medium of -the most superioV kind, and you are now in the summer land amongst the departed .spirits of fifty centuries, more or less." "Whose I spirit are you 4" T asked. •" "My sublunary friend, you have not yet arrived at sufficient perfection to know my name. Enough , for you to know th^,t , I have been appointed to look after your spiritual- education, and will in course of tinie develope you into a boss

medium." "Well, if you will be good enough to sit me down where you took me from, insert my body between ruy spirit and clothes, and restore to my uiovitli tlmt clioicie entty, feloniously astoracted therefrom, you -will oblige. But stay," I continued, "can you ex plain to me the mysteries of Oddfellowship " "Certainly," replied the spirit; and in a very short time I -had mastered the subiect. On my expressing a desire to visit the lodge, I was transported. After watching the proceedings for about half an hour, I was whisked back to my seat by the fire. I was glad to observe my absence had not been noticed. Boniface and his friends now arrived, and demonstrated cle rly that total abstinence was a vice they were unacquainted with. Dispite the cheery influence of their presence, I felt miserable— the magnitude of my discovery preyed upon me. r I felt th;it if I imparted it to an Oddfellow, I would he instantly annihilated, or, more horrible still, be compelled to join the Order. Full of these sad thoughts, 1 retired to my virtuous couch, and dreamed that a E.W.M.. a N.G., and a C.E., in full regalia, with their faces blackened, weve doing a plan tal ion walk-round to the tune of " Kousseau's Dream " ; that the Chief of the Rechabites had inclined the deadly enmity of the publicans by lowering the price of nips to 3d. ; and that a party of the Sons of Temperance, who had taken advantage of the reduced tariff, were melodiously intimating their intention of not repairing to their respective domiciles until the sun appeared in the east. Next morning, feeling a little rusty, I proceeded to have a look round. I discovered, without much trouble, that times were dull. I never knew them otherwise anywhere. I only knew one man during the course of my existence who expressed his satisfaction with the times. Poor fellow, he fell a victim to his too fanciful imagination. His name was Smith, but one morning he imagined to himself that it was Jones. Acting under this impression, he signed Jones' name to a cheque. Smith is now pondering over the effects of imagination, on Bell Hill. Tapanui is not cursed with a telegraph office, and has mail communication with the outside world only once a week. To persons constitutionally indolent, it must be a terrestrial paradise. Latest news is a thing unknown in that somnolent village, and hurry is known only from the appeai'ance of tlie word in books. There a few cockatoos about Tapanui, but they do not appear to be more prosperous than their brethren locared in other parts of the province. Although there is any amount of splen-. did agricultural land about Tapanui, I fear it will never be an important farming district.' The laud will eventually, to judge from present appearances, fall into the hands of the runholders, who have already secured large blocks. If the mission of the Provincial Govern-ment-was to get rid of the land at the smallest possible price and in the largest possible blocks, they have succeeded admirably. If they remain in power a few years longer, Otago will be settled with a vengeance. Agitators for permissive bills, total abstinence and other modern luxui ies,°have not yet sprung up in Tapanui. The cultivation of the belles lettres, in the shape of the fuAPEKA Times, is extensively carried on ; and t.lie tine arts, such as billiards, are' not neglected.

Beader, if you have any respect for the Tliird Commandment, don't go to Tapanui via the "Gorge. The road is good enough, but when you get on the plain, swampy creeks, of a treachery words cannot describe, have- to be crossed every two or three hundred yards. I managed to get over four of these creeks very well, but the fifth was too much for my horse. Moral persuasion, in the shape of whipping and spurring, being ineffectual (in the process 1 lamed my spurs), I was compelled to get down. Every expedient that colonial ingenuity could devise, I tried in vain — the horse wouldn't budjje. Praying a ' 7.a bullock puncher proving equally 'ineffective, I-vyas about to resort to the American: expedient of building'a fire under his tail, when he made a plunge, disappeared, and came up at. the other side.' ..The performance, when repeated^greiy monotonous, and created that 'tribulation of spirit alluded to in my. opening remarks. Any o u ne who doubts my having, through the agency oT a resident of the summer land, T)eeu~present at the meeting of Oddfellows,' can have full information of what transpired during my visit by sending a whisky hot"*" to my address per book posh

P. Tenax.-

Hoifoioays J^'ilU ' and.- dintmen£.-r-Diseases and -causalties incidental to youth may be safely treated by the use" of these exeellenfTMPdicarnents, according to the ptinfecT 'directions fold.cd round each box and po"t,7"N~or is this Ointment' alone applicable to external ailments,; co.njointly . with the Piils, it excercises "the most salutary influence :in checking inflammations situated in fthe'.iuterior part of the body; when I'rubbed upon the back and chest, it gives the mast seasible-rekef in «stlrm&, bron•chitis, -pleurisy, - and^tli-r&atfening consumption. Holloway's, remedies are •especially; se-rviceaWe in" liver and stoniach^-cOnipla^Ss:' " For the cure of |bad legs, and all"sorts-of wounds, sores, and likewise" 1 ; scrofula, 1 and scorbutic "a^ffectionp, • this , Ointment produces a cooling and soothing feeling.