FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 144, 10 November 1870, Page 7

FACETIÆ.

A dreadful shower — The reign of terror. A very dear son with epicures — Veni-son A troubled atmosphere — The heir-at-law. A willing prisoner — A man locked in slumber. The greatest marriage settlement in the ■world — Utah. The loudest pattern in ceramic art — The cup that cheers. An Indiana landlady recently remarked to a newly-arrived guest — "You never saw such a happy lot of people as we had here yesterday. There were thirteen couple of 'em." " What thirteen couples ju3t married?" "Oh, no, sir; thirteen couples just divorced." A lady brought a child to a physician to consult about its precarious state of health. Amongst other things, she inquired if he did not think the springs would be useful. " Certainly, madam," replied the doctor, as he eyed the child; and then took a pinch of snuff. " I have not the least hesitation in recommending the springs, and the sooner you apply the remedy the better." " You really think it would be good for the dear little thing, don't you V " Upon my word, it's the best remedy I know." " What spring wo\ild you recommend ?" " Any will do, madam, where you can get plenty of soap and water." In Virginia, where the law fixes the marriage fee a dollar, a couple called on a parson and lequested him to marry them. "Where is my fee?" said the functionary. The parties who were to

unite their fortunes did so at once, and found the joint amount to be 27c "I can't marry you for that sum," said the irate old gentleman. " A little bit of sarvice will go a long way, y suggested- the male applicant. " Ah, no," said the parson ; " you don't pay for the size of the pill, but for the good you hope it will do you." The lass, intent on marriage, began to weep, but the parson was inexorable, and the couple turned sadly to depart. Just then a happy thought seemed to strike the forlorn maiden, and

she turned and cried through, her tears : "Please, sir, if you can't marry us rfull up, won't you marry us 27c. worth ? ~?We can come for the rest another .time." This was too much for the parson. He married them "full up," and they went on their way rejoicing. The Prince of Conti, father of the last of that name, having asked the Abbe" Voisenon to dinner, the latter mistook the day, and did not go. ISexh day a friend who met him said, " The prince is in a great rage with you." The acade-

mician did not fail to attend one of the prince's levees for the purpose of making his peace with him. As soon as his highness saw him he turned his back upon him, but the abbe", cried out, "Ah! prince, how grateful 1 am to you ; for they told me that you were angry with me^aad-now I see that it is not true !" •ttkvhat dp you mean ?" said the prince. highness turns your back upon me, and I know you never do that to

your enemies,"