FACETIǼ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 55, 27 February 1869, Page 6

FACE T IǼ.

A certain fop, who was arguing with a "bluff clergy mini on the immortality of the soul, asked him, " Uj>w, where do you tliiuk I shall go after death 1" " Whereever your tailor goes," was- tlia calm .. reply. The ordinary definition of an islaui is . ' " a portion of land entirely surrounded by water." A Hibernian of our acqnaiatauce declares that this does not meet the ca3e of Ireland, which, considering the position of the Slate Church, is best deEcribed as '• a portion of Liacl entirely ;' overrun by the sees." In the town of S there w.is a shoemaker who at the sine time officiated as 2>r3ac!iei\ lie always wrote the notices - iiimsolf in order to save tho expanses of printing. Here is one of them — " There will be nreauhhrj in the pine this Sunday on the subject. All who do not believe ■ will ba^b uined at throe o'clock." jvtiqaatte requires, in Chinese conversation, ti%iv e.iuh parson should compliment the other, and everybody belonging to him, in the most laudatory style, and deprecate himself, with all pertaining to Mm, in the lowest possible point. The . following i 3 not an exaggeration :—: — " What is your honourable name ? " " iMy i'.iai^iiidcant "appellation is Chan?." * "Wiiere is your magnificent palace I " "My contemptible hut n at Luck in." "Ho;v uuay are your illustrious children?" "My vile, worthless brats are five," " JBbw is the health of your illustrious spouse ? " "My mean > goocl-for- ? aothirrj old spouse is well." A Grefcna-Grsen Postboy. — On one .occasion he quite 'outdid his own doings.' He had drivea a' couple, who had forgotten to "a3k- mamma," early in tha day to Ljngtown, and as 113 thought they were taking ifc raiher easily, he strong] y arlvijbil them to cross ths border 'and geh ciimsd before they dined. They wero wat&r, and would not be advissd, and he ~- took his horeps back to Carlisle, and a. thought them juit "poor silly thing 3." naisunb been back long-, when the .xnoth'ar and a Bow-street Officer dashed up to the Busii. There was not a second to lose, so Jack jurapad on a horse without asking any ons, and galloped to Loag-town.^J-Ie had barely timo to get the daw&lgils hurried into a post-chaise, take his seat on ths bos a3 common der-in-r chief, .oh'l dzv: the "laivjj tpun,' 5 when tli3 pursuers iooaied in. sight. The pursu.ll wai so hot, tiiab the only way was to tarn sharp d )wa a la:i3, and Jack and his parly lial tha satisfaction of watching through a leafy scresn "the maternal &f past towardi Gretna, and somi on to Annan, whare she cirne to a long and Jiopaless chaclc, and finally gave it jip. When sb.3 was gofc rid off, Jack would stand no more nonsenso, but saw his . couple marrisl, and witnessed, before he weat baclctv Carlisle. . The signatures of ife&t marriage wei % e alvray3 lo.oked at with %jartaiu and interest, as th? bridegroom WA3 killed nest ydar at Watarlou. Thi3 was quits Jack's leading case, and hs is still reaismbarad by many warm admirere of ta^d^jgl'l* generalship in a peculiar l^ J l"2^^^E[£^ip^' o ' l<^ fellow, parhaps five Uttfl||pli^ was 3 tret shad out, and |s^BßCia»sU-cli nite proofed legs." *