Alleged Wit.

Te Aroha News, Volume V, Issue 248, 21 March 1888, Page 5

Alleged Wit.

The nine points of law are, according to a recent authority : 1, Plenty of money? 2, stock of patience ; 3, good cause ; 4, a good lawyer ; 5, a poor opponent ; 6, true wit' nesses ; 7, a well-disposed jury, 8, a favourable judge ;9, good luck. With these nine points success ought to be assured. American papeis ai-e not always complimentary to political candidates. This is , how the Petersburg (Virginia) "Index* refers to the man it is opposing : "He is already a noted man in the community, and between keeping out of gaol and gettinginto the Legislature, he will be pretty bngily engaged between now and the eighth of the month." Mrs Gallup is an estimable lady whose hobby is house decoration. One day last spring Mrs Gallup was careless enough to drink a glass of red ink. The doctor who was summoned, upon hearing what had happened, drily remarked to her, "Mrs Gallup, there is such a thing, you know, as pushing this rage for decorated interiors too far." An invitation to dinner among the middle or upper classes of Japan frequently commences as follows:— "I beg your pardon for thus insulting you in begging your company at my house to dinner The house is small and very dirty. Our habits are- rude, and you may not get anything fib to eat ; and yet I hope that you will condescend to be present with us at six o'clock on the twenty-ninth of December." Upon arriving at the house you find it spotlessly clean, tasty in arrangement, and the host and hostess affable indeed. The bill of faro consists of ten or fifteen courses, the best the market can afford. All the selfhumiliation of the host is the method adopted to pay you honour. Mr Edwin Booth says that the moat? genuine compliment he ever received was on the occasion of playing lago for the firsti time at Grass Valley, then a new mining camp. The audience, which had not seen a play for years, were so much incensed at his apparent villainy, that they pulled oub their " shooters " in the middle of the third act, and began blazing away at the stageOthello had the tip of his nose shot off at the first volley, and Mr Booth only escaped by rolling over and over up the stageand disappearing through a trap door. A speech from the manager somewhat calmed the house ; but ev°n then Mr Booth thought it best to pass the night in the theatre, as a number of the most elevated spectators were making strenuous efforts ta induce the vigilance committee to turn out and lynch "the sneaking cuss," as they called him.