Our Somnolent Reporter Seeing Double

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1173, 12 October 1882, Page 2

Our Somnolent Reporter Seeing Double

There’s no use offering an apology, and I admit my fault, but I feel somewhat independent this time as I have been offered £5 a week by “ Sarah ” not to go near her office. I suppose I may as well explain the meaning of the heading, and it is briefly this :— I fell asleep. Now the mere fact of going to sleep is nothing, for I have been credibly informed that the crowned heads of Europe indulge in this luxury, so you can hardly blame an unfortunate reporter for attempting to imitate Royalty, it was, however, the dream I had that I was going to tell you about. I thought I had to attend two meetings on the same night—the Borough Council and Harbor Board—and this is how I did it. In the large and spacious Town Hall I hud mirrors fixed around the wall. (This isn't a rhyme.) The Town Clerk was tho first to enter and immediately tho Secretary of the Harbor Board took his seat. It was a dead heat between the Mayor and the Chairman of the Harbor Board, as they sat down simultaneously, You never saw such close running in your life las every time a Councillor entered so did a member of the Board. When a quorum had been obtained I was enabled to gather the following report: BOROUGH COUNCIL AND HARBOR SOARD. The regular meetings of the above were held last evening.

Present, at the Borough Council meeting : His Worship the Mayor, Councillors To, Tu, Clar, Clay, Whin, Tuck, Lew. Present, at Harbor Board : The Chairman, and Messrs Lew, Tuck, Whin, Clay, Clar, Tu. To. Tho minutes of both meetings were read at the same time, one lot by the Town Clerk, and tho other by the Secretary. The outgoing correspondence was read, and my troubles then commenced. Tho Mayor started to read the incoming correspondence and the Chairman of the other body immediately followed suit. One of the first letters read was from the Secretary of the Board to the Town Clerk. It was couched in most friendly language and clearly proved that the utmost good feeling existed Between them; it ran something like this, “Say, old man, what will your bosses sell out all their right, title, and interest, rogular, lock stock and barrel in that bld punt, for. ?” Whilst this was being read in the CXAiiittt MtobhcT at tho

Board and also showed that the Secretary and Town Clerk were singularly friendly. The contents of this document may be briefly sumarised as under : “ Dear Old Boss.—l’m right down glad to hear that those old bustards over whom you have no control, have made the offer. Well, after some talk. I got my people to bring the price from £1,292 down to £1,200.”

At this stage the Mayor sang the ditty, “I know my way about just as well as any many,” and the Chairman struck up the refrain “That’s good enough, that’s good enough, that’s good enough forme,” and the Town Clerk and Secretary as if actuated by one impulse, took out their pipes and smoked. To my mind this £1,200 business seems to be one of “robbing Peter to pay Paul.” I know they’re robbing Peter, but the question is will they pay Paul ? It seems rather a blue look out for Paul anyhow, and I rather fancy Peter will have to keep his eyes skinned. When the accounts were being passed there was a bill for fourpence for repairs to punt, from an eminent shipwright. His Worship (in the Council): This is really a question for the Harbor Board. »\’e had better resolve that we cannot deal with the matter. (Carried). The Chairman (at the Board): This is altogether absurd ; if we have purchased the punt we have certainly not purchased all the outstanding debts in connection therewith. I move that the account be remitted to the Borough Council. (Carried nem. con.) (I couldn’t help thinking that I wouldn’t like to buy that debt if its going to be knocked about like a shuttlecock.) Cr. Tu (in Council) said there was one matter he particularly wished to be attended to, and that was he thought that the Harbor Board should be asked to grant as a market reserve the 40,000 acres of foreshore between Peel and Lowe-streets.

Mr Clar (in Council): I firmly support Cr. Tu in this matter. Oil has now been struck, and this growing city will very shortly have increased its population by six or eleven people. Mr Tu (at the Board): Really this is a most preposterous request ; I certainly shall vote against it. Not for Joe. Mr Clar (at the Board): I am surprised and grieved that any public body supposed to contain members of the highest intelligence should treat us as if we were fools.

(I fancy the market is some distance off yet.)’.’. The Town Clerk was instructed to write to the Secretary of the Harbor Board, and the Secretary of the Harbor Board was instructed to write to the Town Clerk about the price of postage stamps. This was the business.

The Mayor and Chairman walked home together as friendly as possible.