SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 192, 21 July 1883, Page 2

SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE FIRESIDE. A carelesss printer made a dancing* master say : "I offer my shanks to those who favoured me with their patronage last year." . ' ' ' • ; An Irish gentleman of the Parnell stamp who had been a tough subject m his time, was on his death»bed, and Baid to his faithful servant, " Oh, Pat, I'm dying, and going a long journey." " Never mind, your Honor i" said Pat, 'sytnpatheticaly, "with you it will be all down hill." A man m New Oriean is so upright m all his dealings that he won't sit down to eat his meals. 17*0 man "know* how attractive his home is untill he offers it for sale, and reads what an estate agent says about it. •Doit cJtne to see me any more, just yet, Fred ; father is bavin? his boots half" soled, with two rows'of nails m the,' A sailor calls a temperance lecture, "dry rot." A gentleman tells a delightful story at his own expense aboul a small donkey I which he sent up to his country seit for the use of his children. One of his little daughters,., going out with her nurse to admire the animal m its paddock, was sorely distressed when the donkey lifted up his voice and brayed dolefully. " Poor thing !" exclaimed the sympathic child ; and suddenly brightening up, she |turned to her nurse and said, " Oh, I'm so glad. Papa will be here on Saturday, and then it won't feel so lonsome." *My mother's awful fickle,' said little Edith to Mrs Smith, who was making, a call. * When she saw you coming up the street she said : { There's that horrid Mrs Smith; I hope she isn't coming here,' and a moment after she told you she was glad to see you. Mother says I'm fickle, but I guess I don't change my mind as quick as that.' The latest mathematical question runs as follows :— Two girls met three other girls, and all kissed. How many kisses were exchanged 1 A citizen of the ''Nutmeg State commends the young ladies of his country .thas,:rrrAh l _.these.Lichfield country girls make goodwives ; I've had three of them. A farm laborer recently presented him* self at the homestead of a settler up country, and asked for employment. Hayr m? satisfied the farmer as to his abilityand willingness to work, came to the all" important question of washes. ♦ T^ell.' said the farmer, ' I'll give you a pund a week, and the missus will eat you, or I'll give you 30s, and you eat yourself.' ; The ruling passion strong m death • ' John/ feebly moaned a society lady, who was about shuffling of this mortal coil, 'John,' if the newspapers say anything about my debut into another world, just send me a dozen marked copies. : " He came from the country seven years ago, and is now a well-to-do merchant. Last week he wrote to the oil folks, telling them be had married a lady with a very fine voice-— "a mezzoisoprano of quite ex* trabrdinary compass." He had received an answer from the maternal side of the house, informing him that his' lamented' aunt was afflicted with something of the sort during her life, but she had always found relief m placing a mustard plaister on- the sole of each foot. . ; ..■ A brother of Bishop Clark was one of the wittiest men alive. It runs m the family. He once went to see one of: his parishioners, a lady ' with a prodigious family, which had'recently been increased. As he rose to leave the lady stopped him with, * But you haym't seen my last baby.' 'No,' he quickly replied, «and I never expect to.' ' ' Then he fled.