“WRINKLES PICKED UP IN COURT.”

Marlborough Express, Volume III, Issue 147, 5 December 1868, Page 4

“WRINKLES PICKED UP IN COURT.”

To the Editor of the Marlborough Express. Sir, —The Poet Burns, when he told posterity and the world what liquor he loved, said “ Lease me on whiskey!” Ned Noakes would tell the world and posterity where and how he loves to study Human Nature, and he says “ Lease me on the Magistrates Court in Blenheim !” What a nice scope, from the lolly-sucking of embryo officials, to the moneysucking of lawyers and clients ; as full of changes, and quite as amusing (only not so portable,) as Nosworthy’s Kaleidoscopes! Well, well! I suppose the wisest heads are sometimes at fault, or surely the “ Hero of the Nile ” would never have “ run »tem on ” to the Bench, as he did last Monday. “Well,’’said I, “I never saw a precious craft steer so dreadful wild for a long time.” It was a good job the official barge had plenty of Eyes on the look-out. lam afraid I shall be too late for this week's paper; I have been too busy to write sooner, but if any of my “ Wrinkles” are worth having, you can give your readers the benefit of my experience when most convenient to yourself. ;

1. Would it not be a Wrinkle worth having, to carry out the principle of “■ Prevention better than Cure,’’ by laying some matting on the floor of the Court ? The noise of footsteps, and the bawling of “Silence,” would both be obviated.

2. It you are sued for a debt, pay it, (if you can,) even thougli your legal adviser may say you have a receipt. ’Cause why ? To delay Justice, is generally the Law; whatever exceptions to that rule may occasionally turn up.

3. When you wish to show what the proceedings of the Court should be when a defendant is absent, quote a clause which applies when he is present. 4. Though modesty is a virtue, not quite indigenous to the legal profession, it is nevertheless becoming, especially in a young practitioner. Sound argument is better than much declamation.

5. When you wish to puzzle a witness, shako before him, as you would a red rag before a Turkey, two similar documents, and demand to know which is which.

6. When you want to improve your heart, get one of your friends and countrymen into a witness box, bully him well, and—(hough it may not serve either you or your client—get him into a scrape with his superiors. Hoping these few “wrinkles" may be worth somebody’s rubbing-io, I am, See., Ned Noaies. Blenheim, Nov. 27, 1868. Sir, —I find I was too late last week, but have you seen the wretched bit of literary piracy, or plagiarism, if you like the term better, perpetrated by an effigy of “Sam Slick.’’ and bristling with unfair personal remarks on what should be private affairs? Yours truly, Nbd Noakbs. Dec. 2nd.