THE MAYORIAD.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 6, Issue 308, 27 November 1883, Page 2

THE MAYORIAD.

It was in the mighty city On ' Father ' Waihopai That has got the» famous ' jitty, ' * ■ . Where vessels dare not lie,-— \ t' The " one-horse' town *'. of " Civis " (Ah !. His life was but a span) '.. ■ \:. That " banquets " and " addresses," Rah, • ... And 'vites the. Grand Old Man, — '■'• . -' L'was there a man" of many,, prayers^ Cheap John, and lawyer i&r?- -'■■ Were all three willing to be Mayors . For 'bout ten bob a day. Cheap John wps young, and. very ''nice ." . .To her who'd buy a fan . . . Or nick-nack, and he' cut the price '•'-"'.■ Of Great Leviathan. For full a year the, voices sweet He'd begged of' foul and fair, " Come now," says he, "IMJ. make it cheap ; If you'll but make me. Mayor." And when he rose, 'foTspout in Sloan's , He said " 'tis now or never I ', I'll get you water wiih .small loans, . . And it wilUcour the river. ' •.. - A year. of Sundays' have 1 1 kep' — More or less — in this city, Aad served two years' 1 apprenticeship On the twiddle-thumb committee. Now, us I've been a Councillor v ' ' . Four 'times — and always there — ■ '' I'll leave you to your own sk'll, or > I'll be a blooming Mayor. 'Tis not the nan that's done the most, Or seeks the wisest ends, , , , Or knows the ropes, but who c»n boast The biggest cr»wd of friends. * You want no man of thought and otind ' To fill the civic chair, But one, like Justice, tot'lly blind, So therefore make me Mayor." The lawyer lay, a brawny Scot, Or " nice," or young was rather not ; Bnt bumptioua to the last, degree, / And not as clever as he thought, Though many a fairish gift bad he. In law he thought himself profound, Would argue it with judges gown'd . And wigg'd, and scarce, be, civil, -The lawyer tribe ha'hefdih Bcorn, ; And thought that he. alone was bom To circumvent the devil. With him crude notions grew to facts, .Cqnviction : Buch v was ne'er anothers's. He'd aye been <• looking; up ihe Acta "— Not the Aposilesl, but the others. His speech, a' i ipllowing pheap John's, Woke echoes, not sleepers,' iif Sloan's. 'Twas thus spake Mac, the lawyer lajjr, Wijth guileful wordi and > Heny ! and; Hay ! ''•'Lasti yedr, you know, you said 'me nay, (Though- 1 was second in the fray)* So this time let me win the day. ! I'rll take. the honor without pay/ If you can be so mea — Hem I Hay ! . ; > ' ■ A year's too little to prepare A speech tha£ might befit a Mayor, r • .'Sd' please iexpectandy frorjbear,'. I * ; ''. t Besides, I've hajdno time to spare i ' To-d ay from watching o'er the poor : • For wid'efa* Oiisp from door to' door j I've bogg^d-jtill frjpfc.and jaw are sore ; : Nor did 1, while I strained my throat, Ask for a solidary vote. ■ -. ■ . .I've been twice mayor of .Eedjington, I wcar'the-cloiiJc-of Wfiffctirij^onf 0 - - i I've smelt tlm-fire and must g3 on ! TUlthiice rv.e.sat,ou fiivi,q.tt^gne. ;.-;.•.! Tfce questions' now to "be discussed : Are drainagey-survey, gas and dust, ! Retrenching j j River, loans, consolidation, , j Covering drains— and over-draft ' l —>' ';„ t H And getting water from a f-haft. — J• L " s That at these questions I'm a don ; ] You've seen as I have through them run. Of course they don't afford much f un,Or give '• wut '* scope to make d pun ; : And 'mong them all, but one question — The water — is a burning one. With this I, when I'm Mayor, aspire To set the Waihopai on fire, So give me. but the pride,of jplfcog ( r. And I will do your city'gractj With Governor and Grand Old Mao As none buM HcD— a — ld c.-jd. So vote for Yaw and " wut " and cla^ t mim Or I '11 have phased - - "**>¥ •*>' AV * "■ Tsfe P iTT^^gTug so for widow Crisp." Thsn up ppake Pyke, a man of moflld, And sai-i Cheap John \rns rather bold Aad o.outideutly strong ; 'Twas not for.youth, whiie stili unwed," • To hold so high the little head That nature placed on shoulders 'low When she forbade Cheap John to_grow A " presence " wide or long. The man of many prayers and meat, That aimed at the high Mayoral seat, Was one who worshipped where a spire Upraised its head above the mire That lies in winter in the street „ Of Don, some fifty feet or higher. J | Three years of Sabbaths had he spent In the great city he was bsnt On ruling now , but in them all I£e iL-'oi-Vy ch:mce, to kirk or ball,- - . But ;o his mooting strictly went, And ne'er for votes or trade did crawl. But modesty doth make few friends, Aud 'tending meeting rarely cuds In getting votes from Church or Kirk-, Nor yet doth honor follow work ; And scarce to law or " wut " she lends, What youth' and " niceness " may not burke. Now, when the man of meat aud bones Appeared upon the stage in Sloan's, 'Twas Satur-night— not the Cotter's, But the ratepayers', and plotters' For place, for friend, and vote 9 from loans, That turn on choosing the allotters. «,? In the chair was genial Todd, A knight oE merchandise and hammer, ' Who loved his neighbor, feared hisCrbd, An I hardly ever told a crammer. - " Ire known my friend for twenty year, And my word he's a true 'un. He's helped himself, so let him steer The Town, Now listen to 'un. " There are three of us, 'tis a pity We're not all wanted by the city ; But I can tell you what to do, — Strike out, next week, the other two. , I hope to gain tho top position As I've received a requisition ; Was first, on paper, to appear ; Have won three other contests h*re, Am best suited altogether ; • And am a man of meat and prayer — Not like the late or present Mayor, , A man of tin, or man of. leather. I Have not got thebr'ass of one; • ' ; The thick skin of the other,— But still, as. I'm my mother's son, I love each as a brother. ;: • I want to make the gasworks pay. *■ . At present rates are flung away In lighting moon and stars to rest, And helping owls to find their nest. Meeting is always o'er at ten, And home's the place for honest men When that hour strikes ;so this I'd do, , At 'leven I'd ring out the curfew And let Salvationist and spark Group home together in tho dark. . I'll never seek the city's pelf— 3arring 'bout ten bob a day — Or make good roads- to serve myself, Or asphalt paths to save my boots, ■ Or vote for ought but what best suita The general good, — and that's my say." Much" ! tne applause and few the groani ' That meet the candidates in Sloan's. The 'lectors laid, all three were fit „ 'Neath ciric canopy to sit—' But still all f«lt that though they were The city wanted but one Mayor. . [The ancient MS from whfch vra cojSythe abora ■so moth eaten at ttaif point that we cannot giro ihe conclusion.— Ed,] • ' .