“MR PUNCH.”

Hokitika Guardian, 7 January 1926, Page 1

“MR PUNCH.”

GOES A-ROYING. LONDON, Nov

It is evident that' “Mr Punch, who went a-roving” ill the Waitomo Caves did not like the guide. In his article in the current linmlior of “Punch,” he has some unkind tilings to say about the particular member of the species who conducted, the Empire Press Union party through the mysteions vaults. “The caves of Waitomo,” he says, “are full of stalactites and stalagmites; they have halls like cathedrals, and grottoes like shrines, and these are adorned with miracles of c-arvon stone, with, fretwork and filigree, with pendants and pillars, with crystal and colour; and they are very wonderful. But they are not so wonderful as tile guide. The stalactite grows down

i from tlie roof, and the stalagmite grows up from the floor; and when at last a stalactite moots a stalagmite, they marry and have a baby, and this baby is a, monster, and its name is a guide. And it is a question whether that guide or any such guide, should be allowed to live. “1 do not resent in a guide a certain enthusiasm for the wonders of creation which it is his duty to exhibit; but I do object to any suggestion that lie created them. To me it seemed bard that where Nature (or the guide) had taken great trouble to produce a beautiful and unusual thing it should he likened to an object so common and so little attractive as a blanket or a poached egg; but this we might have endured had we been able to identify the objects so named. “Crossing at last a narrow bridge we saw below us that distant bottom of a kind of pit. where the flickering lantern revealed for a moment or two a little heap of whiteness. ‘Bones,’ said George gloomily—‘the hones of guides.’ George is well up in the local history, and it appears that this is the place where guide alter guide has been flung to destruction by infuriated visitors. 1 shuddered at the ghastly sight and passed on. inv lingers itching.’’ M.AORT MAIDENS. Maori hospitality shown to the Umpire Press delegates at Rotorua has inspired a contributor to “Punch” to write feelingly of the Dominion, and especially of the walli lies of AVhakarewarewa. lie touches on a variety, ol subjects. The newspapers, he says, are very quiet and tidy, with headlines that after Canada, the United States of America, and even England, seem almost sbrnking in their reticence, as if devised by someone anxious to conceal the news. Their editors and leading men know more about current English literature, its cliques. and its freaks, than we do. Of the Maori maidens, the writer savs: “Oh. dear, you should see them dance the poi! Deliciously graceful, rhythmical creatures, from the tops of

their glossy heads to the tips of their rustling flaxen skirts, they have Hawaiian and Fijian whacked to the wide. They sing as well as they dance, and their songs have melody and harmony and life. In the poi they dance and sing too, and at the same time do a delicate elusive drill with two toy halls like tiny dumb-bells controlled by a string from either hand. “They had a homely dance for us in a Maori meeting-house, wonderfully carved. They dance the fox-trot as well as they dance the poi. divinely, following with uncanny prescience the wildest vagaries of the unskilled male, which is the true test of a lady dancer. And if our partners were not ‘purebred,’ then the mixture is amazingly successful whether for wit or mischoif or prettiness or grace. They have teeth that would reduce a dentrifice advertisement to shame, and they use these

principally for laughing at admirers. George, remembering that the Maori greet by rubbing noses, enquired il kissing were allowed by the customs ol the tril>e. ‘Kissing is not allowed.’ replied his partner, who shall be nameless, ‘and is punishable by a week’s fasting. 1 owe for ten years/ she added. Yet when they parted .she would not even rub noses with the boy. Poor George 1 “One or two of these most royal and attractive subjects of the Crown complained that they-had never been mentioned in ‘Punch,’ and I swore that somehow I would remedy this matter. ,So here and now I beg Mr Punch to send his salutes to Tommy the mischievous and beautiful and witty, to Minnie the handsome and Mild Viniatu of the Hashing teeth, to 11ara Tetomo of the Irish blood (or so she said), and little Hanna the shy, and in particular to the Maori maid called Ruggles (or so she said).”—(London correspondent. Christchurch “Press.”)