FIFTY-FIVE DOZEN CLOTHES PINS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3584, 6 January 1883, Page 4

FIFTY-FIVE DOZEN CLOTHES PINS.

Laches who have husbands who arc neglectful in supplying them with kindlings should carefully study the experience of an American sister. All her married life she has had an unbroken struggle with her husband to keep her supplied with wood : and the greater part of her tune she had to depend on her own deftness with the axe, and anyone who has seen a woman handle an axe knows what a dreadful thing it is. Two months ago she begged of him not to

go away without leaving her some kindlings. He said he wouldn't but finally did. Then she hit upon a plan. She had four dozen clothes pins. She took one dozen of them for starting the fire, and found they worked admirably. The next day she used another dozen, and so she continued until the foiu- dozen were gone. Then she went to the store and purchased another four dozen, having them " put in the bill!'' When they were gone she repeated the errand. She said no more to him about kindlings. For ten years she had hept up the battle, and now she was tired and sick at heart. Ho could go his way and she hers, patiently, uncomplainingly, until the end would come. On Monday he signified at the store that he would like to settle his account. The bill was made out and handed to him. He glanced down the items. As he advanced along the column his face began fo work. First his eyes began to enlarge, then his mouth gradually opened, caused by the dropping of the lower jaw; and wrinkles formed on his forehead. Onethird down the column he formed his lips as if to whistle. Half-way down he said : '-'Gracious .'" A little further on he said : " Thunder !" A few more lines were taken in, and bespoke again: " By the jumping Jupiter !"' Then he read on, smiting his thigh vigorously, and giving- vent to various expressions of the liveliest nature. Finally hethrew the bill down. "I say, Benson, look here : this can't be mine—you've got mc mixed up with some laundry. "That's your bill, sir," said the grocer, smilingly pleasantly. "I tell you it can't be," persisted man, beginning fo look seared. '* Why, here's fifty-five dozen clothes pins in two months' bill. AVhat on earth do you take mo for—a four-storey laundry ':'' " But it is your bill. Your wife can explain it to yon. She ordered the pins." - 'Aly wife:-'' gasped the unfortunate man. " Yes, sir." The debtor clutched the bill, put if into his pocket, and hurried home. He bolted into the house without any abatement of speed and flinging the paper on the table before his wife, knocked his hat on the back of his head, and said : '* Alartha Ann Johnson, what does this mean ': There are fifty-five dozen clothes pins in Benson's bill for the last two months, and he says you ordered every blessed one of them." "And so I did," she said, demurely. "AV-h-a-t! Fifty-five dozen clothespins in two months '." And he shot down into a chair as if a freight ear had fallen mi top of him. " Fitty-five dozen clothes-pins in two months," he howled. " AVill a just heaven stand that r" " I tell you, you needn't stare at me that way, Ruben AVhceler Johnson, and <so calling on heaven with your inrpiousness. I ordered them clothes pins myself, and I burned every one <>f them in that stove, just because you were too lazy to get a stick of wood. And I. declare, before I'll be bothered jawing and fighting to get you to cut a stick of wood, I'll burn up every clothes pin in the land, and you shall pay for them if you have to sell the shirt off your back to do it. So now !" And Airs Johnson, with a face like scarlet, snatched up the broom, and went to sweeping the carpet as if every flake of dust was a red-hot coal, while tho unhappy Air Johnson hastened to the store and paid the bill. And before dark that night hehad halt' a cord of wood sawed, split, aud piled up ready for use.