"THE UNSPEAKABLE SCOT"

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 36, 14 July 1939, Page 5

"THE UNSPEAKABLE SCOT"

j | AN IS ''STERN ,;*| f hT " "AND' IiVILD^ THIRSTS FOR CALEDONIAN BLOOD , William, Duke of Cumberland) .. , s Breaking out like a rash symp'tomt e of some foul disease, the gaudy, bar. baric tartans, resembling the nasal parts of mandril monkeys, now flaunt themselves on ties, blouses skirts, 'lis. figuring the streets and even penetrating as rugs into the sanctity of e our home life. Aided and cncouraged , by the drooling tenderness the T3EAL 1 CON shows in singing in forced, (1 rhymeless and boastful doggerel the ( . praises of ordinary social events—■ ~ which are largely attended by r solid English folk with only a sprinkling of the unspeakable Scot —these L , crude and tasteless patterns, fit creation of the Scottish race, jangle our j nerves and disfigure their wearers. "NO QUARTER" s ''No quarter! ' The finest two words. -- that man ever put to paper. Ajl hon- ' our to the Duke of Cumberland, and s would that tenderness had not stayed ' his strong English arm, else we had not been affronted and annoyed by 1 this boastful alien race and their lun- " atic garb. ~ How well the emblems of the nat_ ' ions prove my- point. There is th-i s fair rose of England, the useful leek of Wales, the dainty shamrock of Ireland, and the prickly, useless this. ' J tie of an inhabitant of the wastelands, food only for donkeys, a usurper of ground that coukl raise , good crops or .'graze dairy cows, se- ■ Cond only to ragwort as a menace. } Where are all these thrifty pub- ' licjspirited ''soils of the manse 1 ' ia ; Whakatane's public life? How many* McGurkinshaws and McStiggins sit on our colvncil, controlling our loca'f ' destinies? No! There we find the good English names of Arres, Can. ' I niijg, Barry, Hall. They are ' not Scotsmen. , ; THE PIPES The foul screaming and of the bagpipes, too, .is another nuisance which does not endear the Scots to me.., Here in Whakatane we have a socicty which seems to me to be as much of a menace to English ways and strength as the insidious and inI cend'ary Irish Republican, Army. Has anyone seen a rawJbohed individual, [dressed in a gaudy mat, standing on a stage, blowing with starting eyes and distended cheeks into* "a'bladder sheathed with parti.coloured and getting about as much music out of it as could be drawn from an over sized, tuneless, penny whistle, without feeling that h\s rising gorge is overcoming his sense of the ridiculous? No sensible person likes the pipes— I suspect that even the perpetrators of the noise disiike them—but, true exhibitionists like all Scots, they carry on with their caterwaulings. How often has one heard that threadbare excuse *'1 like bagpipe music on the march." I do ? too, but only because I hate taking sitting shots. DISCORDANT DIN It is customary to say that they are like the howling of cats. My cat is sick and runs under the house each time it hears the noise. The bellow of an angry gorilla, the bray of a donkey, the cry of a frightened woman, the howl of a gale, the creaking of a slate pencil, the grinding of iron and all other squeaking, whining, rasping, grinding, scratching, bellowing, tuneless sounds, collectively or individually ? fall far short «>f the full volume of ear-shatterinf* sound tliat- these diabolical instruments. procbuce_ CALL TO ARMS Englishmen! We beat them at Fiodden, Preston, Dtihbar, Culloden, the All Blacks beat them, the New Zealand cricketers beat them; Jet us sweep them out of this fair land of the sea T with all their sporrans, pipes, strathspeys, haggis (have yon ever eaten, haggis?—ughh, brrr) anil their rude barbaric dress, fit only t<* rank with the Maori waist.mat, before they further mutilate the language of Shakespeare and wreck the sanctity of the English home, ruin the tasteful English dress, product of centuries of improvement and not a static relit of savagery, and, in, a word destroy all tho:;e traditions and loyalties which we hohl so dear.

(The BEACON takes no responsibility for the effusion printed «bove this footnote. It recognises the worth the Scottish element in oivr .so_ arid"pays tribute to those of our Icontinucd foot previous column}