MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume III, Issue 620, 6 January 1872, Page 2

MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Mjlemion says of woman

" When pain or anguish wrings the brow, A ministering angel thou."

Benjamin E.Turner, in a less poetic way, says differently. This is his language, " As I have again been left all alone, without even one of my children, on my sick bed ever since the 15th December, and not one to give me a cup of tea or a drmk of water, if I was dying for it." Poor man ; his sad experience of life shows that however poetic it may appear to the world, Marmion was decidedly wrong, and that instead of being a ministering angel, woman is in fact a different creature. But then look at what 8.8.T says further, "And if death should call me away suddenly, I hereby give notice to ■ any tenant holding any property belonging to me at my death not to pay any rent that may bo, or become due, to anyone belonging to my family whatever, without a written authority fromthe gentlemen I have j left executors of my last will." So with J one leg in the grave, and admittedly hurrying into the presence of Him who said " Vengeance is mine, I will repay," B.E.T. shows that it is his intention to take that function upon himself, and endeavor to repay the wife of his bosom for her neglect. But how carefully he goes to work ; he will break no vow. He has sworn to hold for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or health, to love and to cherish till death do us part, but after death he is at liberty lo do as he lik eg —so he thinks. He therefore gives his tenants notice not to pay their rent when he is dead. Eather let them live rent free when he can no longer enjoy the fruits, than that his beloved wife, the mother of his children, should reap one penny benefit thereby. Further, " The biggest crime I ever did to my wife was tho giving her three four-roomed houses in Auckland, and allowing her for years past to receive the rents for her own use." Thrice happy man ! magnanimous mortal! name it not a crime, call it a virtue ; for assuredly your deeds will live after you. But it is a pity you have not described your gift more fully. Are the houses built of weather-board ? Are they in good repair ? And do the tenants -pay their rent ? The last remark in the notice, " So she is well provided for," calls to mind " Oh, for the rarity Of Christian charity." If what B.E.T. states is true, it is hard tn bo left alone unattended in his old ago by his wife and children, but would not an advertisement something after the following be likely to prove more effective ? —" To my darling Topsy-wopsy : Come to your poor Benny on his sick-bed, and give him a drink of water with just the least drop of whiskey in it before he dies. But if you don't, not one blessed shilling will you get of my money; so no more from your dying and broken-hearted spouse, Benjamin." "Wanted, a thoroughly honest'lad to serve behind the counter ; must have references from parents of applicants." Such are the contents of an advertisment. Now, is there any parent that would have such confidence in his son's honesty as to give the boy a reference ? If so, the advertiser can rest in peace, for assuredly that boy is honest. Who so apt to see a child's failing than tho^ fond parent ? And who would be so ready to expose it, but fond that parent? Let him who requires so thoroughly honest a servant go further, for he has not found tho philosopher's stone.

" Truth is stranger than fiction," so said a certain old fogey; and Shakespeare said " frailty, thy name is woman," both were correct as may bo gathered from the following facts:—Mr A, a married man, placing every confidence in the virtue of his better half, contemplates a journey, yet his confidence is limited, he could trust his wife with her virtue, but not with his bores, sohe mates " a party by thenamo of Johnson," according to his statement, the custodian of his worldly goods, and then goes away. After a few weary month's absence he pines for the sharer of his joys and writes for her to come to him, bringing also his worldly possessions. To enable her to do this he writes to the mysterious "party by the name of Johnion" giving him power, leave, and license to deliver to his wife the luggage in question. Foolish man to place »uch undue confidence in a woman. The temptation was too much for her, and instead of taking the boxes to Mr A down South she takes them to Mr B at the Thames, whither after some time Mr A follows and discovers the false one located at Mrß's house, withtheboxcs. He haddiscovered all. It was the old story, she loved Mr fi's little' finger more than his whole body. Well, perhaps it was a good riddance for him. Mr B was welcome to the wife, but not to the more valuable property, this he had no right to take, Mr A looked upon it in the light of a theft, and as such caused Mr B's apprehension, He was brought up to Auckland in custody to answer to thai law for his folly and wickedness ; the property alleged to have been stolen was also brought up in charge of the; police, and taken care of. The wife-woman followed her husband and paramour. The examination of the accused.at the Police Court was frequently adjourned until at last the case is dismissed^ because the charge was not considered; as subi stantiated. No " party by the name of Johnson" was forthcoming to prove • that the goods were stolen by Mr B, the only proof being that Mr. A found them in his possession along with his wife. As if-to remind the accuser of his former connubial bliss he retains for his defence a Batchelor of Law of " joyous " name and has the cool effrontery to ask for costs, which were allowed. As the case had sq terminated, the police were bounded return the whole of the articles in q'ues-r tion to the place from whence they had taken them, and the prosecutor after pay

ing the costs departed in a great passion •without his goods, while the accused left the Court in a hansom cab with the lady, Well surh is human existence. Is fifty shilling* a reasonable price for a policeman's coat? His Worship the Eegistrar of Poisons says it is not, and that two notes ought to be quiet sufficient. Thereought to be aproper scale of charges for damaging a policeman, or his clothes, for instance, to destroying his coat, 50s ; ripping up his pants, 20s ; bonneting the bobby, 7s 6d; breaking his finger, £3 5s ; tearing his neckcloth, 2s; spoiling his collar, Id ; blacking his eye, 2s 6d ; taking the polish off his boots, 6d; disturbing his dental organ, 5s ; pulling out his hair, '2a per lb; destroying his whole suit, £3 10s ; running away with the bracelets, lls G>l; to damaging his body, £4 10s ;. injuring him internally, £3 15s ; to killing a policeman, £12- These amounts are of course not intended to include the fines the Court might think fit to impose, but are simply offered as a guide to show what " gentlemen" should be compelled to pay for their amusement, when engaged in resisting the police. Perhaps Mr Broham would offer some suggestion, if the aboro tariff does not meet his views.