THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 531, 22 September 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

No. XXXVI.

Deae me ! Mr. Editor, what a noise I am creating in this little world of Stoke Pogis to he sure. The fun of it is that I am quite a disinterested party. Some unfortunate little man, supposed to be Dick, lias got a thrashing, and another of the literati has thrashed his opponent, or, at all events, given him a quid pro quo. It is rather to be regretted that Lick was not attacked, instead of the other party— for Dick's a well-grown lad, and full of pluck and muscle, and the probability is that if this youthful scion had been pitched into in the lobby of the theatre, instead of the unfortunate reporter, that he would have pitched his opponent over the bannisters, and there would have been hu end uf the matter. But perliaps, aihere are two cases to come on at I'ourt, [ had better say nothing about it, especially as one of the plaintiffs is alleged 1o be my son. I certniuly regret this, as I am quite sure I could have made a little fun out of ib. As, however, it is to be a matter of judicial enquiry, I must, I suppose, be serious for once, and hold my peace. But, ah me ! how reluctant am I to do so. However, leaving aside the immense excitement caused by the newspaper fracas, I have a very interesting topic to fall back upon, viz., total abstinence.

" Come," said a friend to me on Tuesday night, " let us away to the Mechanics, and bear the spouting. There's sure to be rare fun." So away we went, and when we arrived we found a great crowd of people in the hall; and on the platform many of our leading citizens, among them of course being his Worship the Mayor, who occupied the chair. Upon this occasion he had nothing stronger before him than a little cold tea, which, however, a few spiteful young fellows were heard to suggest, looked like P.B.—whatever that may mean. After a good deal of silence from the platform, and loud cries of " Yahoo," and " You're another," from the stalls, the Mayor arose, and explained the object of the mee'ing, which he stated was to at once shut up every grog-shop in the town '/.here you could not get a drink on Sunday, and that every " bobby" who was near enough to go in front of a man's bar on that day, accept a nobbier, and then split upon the proprietor, ought be pilloried. (Loud cheers.) He made these remarks on behalf of the public and not for himself, for it was well known that he was a strict water-drinker (saying which lie took a long pull at the glass before him, to the intense delight of a large number of those in front, who, thinking it well to follow the example of tlieir worthy Mayor, drew from their pockets sundry flasks of rain - water, and freely imbibed). Need I say it was a warm, sultry night, or that the innocent waters of nature, possibly assisted by art, were highly enjoyed. Several speakers followed with somewhat prosy addresses, and Mr. T. B. Hill took the occasion to say ho was a first-rate ctiap, and he'd like to make them believe it. (Uheersv) Although he jiow rose to speak on the ternpeniuce question, he lutd no great objection to a raw nobblers in the course ot the day. But that wasn't what he wanted to tell them. Ho wanted to put himself and his friend Mr. liobbs on a good footing with them, (it this there were loud eri'-s of " Give him a pill—how about the black draft," &c , and Mr. Hill, either overcome by the conlusiou, or the heat of the room, or the fumes of the liquid contained iv the Mayor's glass, from wlii.-h by the way he helped himself somewhat Irecly, l;uily staggered back and s-it down on the form.. — Vlr. bheehan advanced to the point and said the whole tiling was a humbug, they might talk and folk till the crack of doom, but they ivould'ut niter the present custom of taking down whiskey by the gallon, or p.b. and Tommy Pood by the pailful. As tor some remrirks which li/id been made ahout it being a disgrace for people to be seen drinking at the bar ad the dny long, that \va>- given tin- lie to by the tact that our greatest und best publicmen always did il. (Loud cheers.) What they must do if they wanted to prevent drinking in public houses was to shut them all up, prevent tie importation of spirits, and supply every householder free with a small distilling aparatu-i. that would effectually stop not only the drinking, but the revenue, which would bo a highly pleasurable state of things. (Cheers.) He denied that he had tried to puss the Permiss:ve Bill in the Council, for he could take a nobbier now and then with any man, although lie was not a teetotaller. But as for Mr. i ill, he was ashamed of him, and surprised that he did not take the pledge. — Vlr. Hill said he would do so| if Sheehan would. Two large glasses were brought forward, and filled with a strong temperance-looking compound, and the two pledged themselves most heartily.. One of the audience was observed to leave the hall at this instant, with the secret intention of pledging his wife's wedding ring, that he might also indulge in the same luxury. — Vlr, iStaines was called upon to go through the ordeal. He ascended tiie platform, and oiies of "How about the Board P'r—" Go too, Greorgio !"—" Let me kiss him for his uncle!"— ■' How about the dinuer?" A metal pail was filled with liquor, which My. ytaiues was about to drink at a single draught—for the night was hot, be it remembered—when his keen scent detected that it was nothing stronger than water, and, with a sigh of disgust, he threw the hateful liquid from him, and, drawing up his manly form with hauteur, declared that he had always lived on beer (and beef), and that rather than "pledge1' in a tankard of water he would die upon the spot. (Cheers ) He was then led from the hail by two of his supporters, for his feelings were overcome. There was then a good deal of row, jawing, and general confusion, which was only assuaged when a .Napoleonic figure ascended the platform, and having surveyed the assembled multitude with his " he^le heye," advanced to. the front, and in a voice thick with emotion drew such a picture of the misery that must fall upon the nations of the earth if the drinking customs were abolished, that he " extracted " tears from the eyes of the Mayor, whose example was at once followed, and the hall looked like a back yard full of washing hanging out to dry. The Masons appeal was too powerful to be resisted, and the meeting unanimously

agreed to petition Parliament to offer gre iter inducements than ever for tin establishment of public-houses in every district in this city. The motion was carried immediately, and a few minuter later Campion's, Perkins' and the Auckland were filled with excited crowds discussing the right of every man to make himself as drunk as a hog if he choose to do so. This right I do not deny, us the State don't: and so for the present remain true to my tenets that what's one mau's meat is another man's poison.

Nathaniel Beeswing