MRS BROWN IN NEW ZEALAND.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 4, Issue 384, 26 March 1880, Page 2

MRS BROWN IN NEW ZEALAND.

Under the above title, Mr Sketchley has published a phamplet, giving a description of that part of New Zealand which he has visited, from the point of view of the renowned" Mrs Brown." Here is what that estimable lady has to say as to the name of the country :—

" Why ever they calls itNewZelin' lean , think, as is, in courage as v old Aβ the rest of the world afore it were discovered, and not like a place as is new built, the same as New v York, or the New Cut, as was all marshes and swamps in the middle of fields, and 'ardly a 'ouse from the 'Orse Ferry to the Helefant and Castle, where my grandfather's father come 'oine from the wars, as 'ad been took by a pressgang, asteppin' out arter dark to get a 'aporlh of milk thro'the child tein fracthus in .is teeth, as was close agin 'Orsley Downs, as is all docks now us were never 'card on over fifteen years, and not a trace on 'im ever found, except the 'andle of the jug as 'ad been broke short off in the struggle, as were the beginnin' of the French as was under Lord Nelson as died in the arms of victory, cos he couldn't die in 'is own, thro' 'avin' only one, poor fellow, of 'is

° " Mrs Brown in New Zealand," by Arthur Sketchley. First part, "Middle Island." Clnistohuroh: Printed at the Press Office Casliel Street.

own to die in, with 'is eye knocked out, as is W he come to win the - battle thro , a-runnin , the French fleet down whilst aputtin' of c 'is tellyscope to the blind eye, and takiri' a sight at the Admiral as ordered 'im to strike 'is colours, and would 'aye been shot if n f >t victorions, as was every hinch a sailor, tho' not one to forget the lass as he left behind 'im at Wappin' Old Stairs, as was a song as my grand • father did use to sing with a tear in 'is eye, a-thinkin, over old times, and well remembered 'is father a-turnin , up agin,, as was only an hinfant at the breast when pressed to sea, and never see 'im agin till , he was 'prenticed, as in course wouldn't 'aye knowed 'is own father, tho' he was a wise child—not as there was much of the old man left for any one to know, with 'is nose smashed flat, and a black patch for an eye, and nothink but two wooden legs, and a 'ook for a arm—not as he was armless, for he'd shy his wooden legs at 'is wife if contradicted, and 'ad been that demoralised thro' bein' took prisoner and kep so many years among them French as 'ad learnt all their bad lanwidge, and would use expressions as was that dreadful, as no decent woman couldn't set in the room artor 'is fourth glass, except 'is own aunt, ac were stone deaf." ' '

Landing at the Bluff, she gives her opiniq.li on that place and-Invercargill ■:— -■

■" I didn't,.think much of the Bluff, nor yet the next place we come to, Invercargle as they calls it, 'tho' we went to stop in a werry nice 'ouse, as the owner on boarded us as soon as we got along side ; but the town's in its infancy as the sayin' is, and so is the people, as far as manners goes, for one old sweep where we tried to get a room, as were nothink but a convict 'isself, took and asked if I were low or vulgar —a impudent waggerbone."

" We dHn't stop long in Invercargle, and I never did see such a place for loafers and dogs idlin' about and drinkin' at every corner. No doubt there ia werry good people, but I should say ac they 'adn't got no ideers about nothink, and 'ow should they, a-livin' in a wilderness like that from one year's end to the other, as I must say deserves great credit for stoppin' there, for I'm sure if I was put down in such a place, the fust thing as I'd do wonld be to run avvay; but law bless me, of course it's 'ome to some on 'em, as is quite f appy, poor things, thro' a-knowin' no better."

Reaching Dunedin at race time, she then discources :—

" But talk about Dunedin at race time, why its a reglar case of Darby, with Joan throwd in, as the sayin' is, for all the world and 'is wife were there, as is wot I likes to see, a man as don't care about a-goin' out alone, but takes 'is good lady along with 'im, as not a-doin' come 'ome to Mr Padwick, as got 'is leg broke out of a shay cart at the Cock at Sutton, a returntn , from Epsom, as would 'avo been out of 'arms way with 'er, for a shay is,a wehicle as she never wouldn't 'aye got top in this world. In course its werry natral as the Scotch should go in for racin' Gut 'ere, as is wot they can't 'aye at 'ome thro' bein' shet in by mountings as no 'orse could carry them up, not for all the cups in the world, tho , they likes their cups with a drop of good licker in em aa well as any one ; but certingly Dunedin races was werry wonderful, and where the people all come from I can't think, as did use to be a diserlute island, and can't all 'aye hemmygrated out of Ingland jest to come to the races, the same as parties all rushes down to the Darby, from the Prince of Wales in afour-in-'and up to costers and their donkeys, as is wot I likes to see, everyone out enjoyin' of theirselves, and as to the Prince of Wales, he looks as jolly as if he were a coster l isself with nothink on his back to worret'im. But for people to tell me as this were all a 'owlin' wilderness fifty years ago, I wouldn't balieve it if they was to take their solim Davys to it, cos it can't be as a place could grow up, as Misa Pilkinton says, as Romilus and Reeinus did, in one, day, tho' didn't build Home in that time."

Travelling northwards, she comes to " Hommeroo and Timyro6,' , which latter place disappoints her :—

"Parties was werry periite all' along tho , I were disappointed when] t got to Tirnmyroo as I expected to nothink but wheat piled up in sacks the attM&da I'd seen a forty graft on it at Dunedin, But I did'tit see none about and nothiuk but a breakwater as they was to keep out the sea, as seemed a deadly lively sort of a ,ole tho , parties was glad to see me there, tho, I'm sure as some on 'em couldn't make 'cad nor tail of me, as W ever should they poor things, as no doubt meant well, but don't know nothink of the world or its ways, as it takes a good long life even for to begin to make it out-a •HvhV in London, and wot ever can Any one learn out 'ere but wheat and wool gatherin,' as is all thoy gives their brains to, and quite right too, for they've got their livins to get out of them ' things, as is all they thinks about."

Her opinion on colonial manners and customs, as might be expected, is not very favourable, and is thus summarised:—

" It's werry interesting no doubt for to see a country in its infancy, as they calls it, but for my part I prefers them as is grown up, cos we all knows as infancy is a deal of trouble, and in general noisy, and requires a deal of nussitr and hussin , , and did ought to kep to theirselves, partikler with their teeth a-comin, and so it is with these 'ere countries, as aint out of the nuesery, as you may say, but yet worry interesting, as Brown says to watch their progress, but for my part I likes to be with them as is growd up, as I can 'old, my own with.

Altogether, this little brobhure is highly amusing, and worth its low price several times over, if only for the hearty laugh it must cause ; besides which there is some sly hits at Colonial Institutions, which may provoke more serious thought.