This World of Ours

Radio Record, Volume XII, Issue 23, 18 November 1938, Page 2

This World of Ours

by

JOHN

GUTHRIE

DUNNING shoes returned with "thanks -(Signed) Messrs. Hitler and Mussolini. .Official quarters in Berlin deny that the eclipse of the moon over Africa last week was a practice black-out preliminary to the eclipse of the Empire over which the sun never sets. aS "3 ue George Bernard Shaw: ‘There is no such thing as a white man on the face of the earth. The Chinese call us ‘pink’ very properly.’’ % ik % Epitaph WHEN Eduard Benes opened his mail the morning after resigning the Presidency of the Republic he had helped to create he found this epitaph from an American sympathiser: I am Czechoslovakia. I was reborn of the Treaty of Versailles; but I laid the foundations for my civilisation

centuries before the Hapsburgs sat upon the throne, I chose to align myself with democracy because | saw therein the guaranty of my aims. My constitution was formulated to the furtherance of freedom. My great error was in standing for democracy, rather than jeining Faeciem. 1 gambled

Keen on his job’ (\ASE has just come before the . Chicago Courts, in which Leon A. Mitchell sued Commonwealth Edison Company for 5,000 dollars. He complains that two years ago Charles Kelly, Commonwealth Edison’s official greeter, shook hands with such enthusiasm that he broke one of Mitchell’s fingers. * * q Sweet Alice ALICE ALCARTA, 38-year-old Holstein cow from Hamilton, Ontario, gave 22,227 pounds of milk and 816 pounds of butter in 806 days, and this_ made a world record, reported last week’s eables. Specially interviewed for this page, Alice proved to be «a home-loving type of girl who spent most of her life in the country and had never seen a talkte. Asked whether producing 816 pounds of butter in 306 days was not « bit of a strain, Alice said tt was up to a girl to squeeze every ounce out of herself in these trying tines. Asked whether she thought girls should go ia for breaking gecords, Alice said tf a girl neither drank nor smoked and retired to rest carly she need not be afraid of over-strain. ® * ¥% Making. 2700 Lives

AMATEUR pugilist Holgar’ Rorstrom wants to be Canada’s official hangman. Death of. executioner Arthur Filis has sent him after the job. For two years "Red" Rorstrom has been official exterminator of his home town’s stray cats. Applying .-for Jate-hangman-in-chief Ellis’s post, offers as recommendation that he has killed 300 eats. * * i Cousin Hobnai STATED by the police to have been discovered walking along the street-at five minutes to two on Sunday morning with a City Council lantern under his arm a man, aged 23, told the eonstable who asked him where he had obtained it and why, that he did not like its -glare and therefore took it. This recalig the strange case of Cousin

Hobnail, the well-known artist, who in his early years before the fatal malady of Art had him fast in its grip, was drafted by an anxious family into the office of a big steel magnate. The magnate, during Cousin Hobnail’s tenure of office as junior, lost an eye one Saturday evening. For some hours no one. knew where it had gone until at last at about 15 minutes to three next morning a smart constable discovered Hobnail carrying his employer’s eyeball round in his pocket. Asked by the constable where he had obtained it and why,

Cousin Hobnail replied that he did not like its glare. The family made strong representations to the magnate to overlook the offence, but he said Hobnail must go. A man, said the magnate, who took things that did not belong to him was no use in the office, setting indeed a bad example to others on the staff. Ey & 4% What, No Chimes! [AUGHING merrily when the NBS announeer said that The Enemy had just landed at Petone, Wellington, the people of the rest of New Zealand said they were not like Americans, not they. When they heard the booming of guns over the microphone, one or two even sneered a bit and said it wasn’t very well produced, was it, and really it was a pity they hadn’t got that chap Orson Welles on the job, seeing he had made such a good fist of the landing of the Martanm, . eats i. re) Yona ris

However, when the wiellknown voice of the announcer said: ‘We are interrupting our broadcast of the landing of The Enemy one moment for ls teners to stand by, please, for the 8 o’clock chimes,’’ people began to think, by Heaven, it had the ring of truth about it after all; and when the chimes. didn’t chime (because a bomb had just dropped m and destroyed the clock) listeners knew then that they were in for it with a vengeance.

Home Hints : ARD which eliminates all letter-writing has been devised by stout English gossipwriter, Marquis of Donegal. Tt runs as follows. All one has to do is eross out the words that are not needed :- Date as per For address, ete., post mark: see telephone book. Thanks for your letter, note, postcard, invitation, telegram,-message of ... your esteemed favour of the... "".t, ult, duly to hand and contents noted, dealt with, ignored. I have great pleasure in accepting it, I regret that I am unable to accept your... invitation owing to breakdown of cay, ilJness, inclemency of weather, l:ck e* in clination, no suitable clothes, pr vious subsequent more attractive engagement. Will you come to breakfast, lunch, tea, cocktails, dinner, dance, supper, wedding, play bridge, tennis, bowls, golf, ping-pong, sail, fly at ...a.m., p.m, on..,.the...? I will write more fully when I can find time, a stamp, my cheque book, a _ satisfactory reply to your question, suggestion, demand, threat. Will you meet me, pick me up, will meet you at... a.m., p.m., at home, the office, the club, ..... Restaurant, ..... Hotel, ..... the Girl-Friend’s. I wish to apologise for my most unseemly behaviour last night, afternoon, yesterday moru.ing, owing to carelessness, lack of time, bad memory, excessive inebriation, bad temper, headache, over-tiredness, I send you flowers, kisses, love, kind regards, best wishes, fruit, a parcel, a pearl necklace, the bird. YES NO Sign here: Of course the simplest method is to cross out everything ezcept ""Yes’’ or ""No’’ and masl at withont. a, stamp. ;