MY CHILDREN OWE ME NOTHING

Waikato Times, Volume 128, Issue 21371, 15 March 1941, Page 5

MY CHILDREN OWE ME NOTHING

Parent’s Courageous Statements is no reason on earth why a child should feel the slightest gratitude for the “ gift of life ” or for parental devotion. Life was thrust on him as it was on us all, through no wish or agreement of his own, and care of the young is quite customary even among the lower animals. My children were born because we wished to have them. Because life with children seemed to us richer, more interesting, more stimulating than life without children. We are doing all we can to help them get ready for what will, in all probability, be even more difficult times socially and financially than the present. We are also trying to provide for our own non-earning years. But it is a little difficult to foresee what situation we shall be in when those years come. If I really believed that our children, confronted with the human obligation to care for their own old people, would not face it with sportsmanship and good manners, 1 would indeed count us complete failures. My children owe me nothing! They owe themselves and the world everything. Everything of what talents they possess, everything of gallantry and courage, of consideration and sympathy. It seems to me that my children owe me neither love or respect—unless I manage to earn it. They are not emotions that are payable on demand. Possibly the outward manifestations of them are. but of what value are these? Only a sort of soothing salve for the parental ego, which would otherwise become inflamed and complaining. But the deep and genuine emotions of love and respect are not something that our children owe us any more than they owe them to anyone else—less, in fact. A Contract is Made with a Child We love and respect those who prove themselves worthy of such feelings, and parents should be no exception. The time is bound to come, whether we like it or not, when our children look on us as they look on other human beings. We shall be appraised with the keen eye of youth, we shall be weighed in the balance, we shall be judged as Tom and Mary Jones and not as mother and father. A difficult test, but one worth trying for—and what a glorious thing if we do pass with flying colours ! No horrible sense of duty deadening our relationship with our children, no sense of required homage, but a free and equal comradeship of the heart and the spirit—a real friendship. Strange that gratitude is considered of such great weight and importance between children and their parents. Bringing a child into the world is a contract with that child that you will do your level best to stand by him while he needs your care and support—and stand aside when he is ready to go on his own. For we hold on only as we learn to let go. Deference is not due to age. Much of old age is unkind and unlovely, but youth owes it to itself to see that weakness calls on its strength. Simple decency and breeding require courtesy and consideration and an understanding heart. To bring children up with any other code is to lower their standards. Each generation should, of course, attempt to provide for itself and help its children as far along the road as needed, but in spite of old-age pensions, grown-up children will probably continue to care for those parents who are in need—and they will do it with a smile. My children owe me nothing. The balance is on the other sicle. I can only hope that their lives will hold enough of sweetness and happiness and accomplishment to make them feel I don’t owe them too much—in the way of apology. For I am already too deeply indebted for the vitality and pride and purpose they have given to my life. —Dorothy Blake.