LOVE JEALOUSY

Waikato Times, Volume 127, Issue 21215, 11 September 1940, Page 4

LOVE JEALOUSY

You Can’t Have One Without The Other fT is the tragedy of love that we cannot take the loved one exactly as he is, or as she is, when first we meet. If we could accept the gift—if we could realise that here is the person who has the power to make us happy, to make us warmer in our hearts, to make us a little less lonely—what hours of despair and remorse we might save ourselves. All that has gone before has helped to make this person what he or she is. All the experiences that we have never shared—these have built up, bit by bit, this thing we love. Sorrow may have had something to do with it. And happiness. And laughter with people we shall never know. But we had no hand in it! It is a galling thought to many of us. * And yet the sum total of all these experiences loves us. Something in us finds response and acceptance in this other person. Something that was built up in us, bit by bit, by experiences in the past with other people. And it is always this past that affects the present. She did this, or that, thinks the man; she can do that or this again. He told me he fell for that awful blonde, thinks the woman; it was years ago, yes, but maybe that’s his type. Maybe he’ll fall again. And so, step by step—with love, hugging it almost like a shadow, goes jealousy. It couldn’t possibly be otherwise. You hear of women who say they have no jealous feelings about their men’s women friends. They’re either lying or not in love. We all know men who boast that they’re broad-minded and don’t mind a hoot if their wives go out with an old acquaintance. “ She’s out with an old flame tonight,” they say, laughing as they deal the cards. “ It’s good for her. I believe in it.” He believes in it so much that all through the evening he mentions it, coming back to it like the tongue does to an aching tooth. He can’t leave it alone. Behind his smile it is worrying him. It is so much in the forefront of his mind that it drops out, unnoticed by him but noticed by others, every time he talks. Sometimes the fight against jealousy—jealousy of the past in which we have had no share—goes on, a long silent battle throughout a life-time. Sometimes it is conquered, and the love is richer because of the victory. Sometimes the thing turns to indifference, and that perhaps is the worst part of it all. Faith in the One You Love But always, wherever you see two happy people, wrapped up in each other, holding hands in a restaurant, or looking at each other, in a crowd, with eyes that see no one else, there is somewhere in their lives the lurking fear that, nourished foolishly, can grow to dominate their souls. It would be a pretty grim outlook for most of us if that were all that love brought with it. Fortunately there is something else. When two people love, and come to realise their utter dependence on the other, they usually safeguard themselves through faith. And a faith that is not brought into being for self-protection, but a faith that is as natural a growth as their love. There couldn’t be love without that faith. It’s tacit, it’s deep, it’s completely sincere. It is built up between the man and woman out of their mutual respect and regard for each other. Each builds it up in the other, carefully, diligently, willingly, as something necessary for the continuance of their affection. Being in love—the most generous of all the emotions—they give fully of themselves for the welfare of the other. A woman in love wants to repay her lover for the happiness secured through him by making him feel safe in her. A man in love feels the same way towards his woman. * They have no desire to tantalise each other, to make the other jealous, by vague references to Someone Else. They know they could play merry hell with each other that way. After all, there are lots of fishes in the sea. Any woman knows that her man can find many other attractions if he is so minded. Every man knows that his woman can fill in her time with a score of males as attractive as himself. But they begin knowing that, and they proceed to show the other that there is no other possible man or woman for them. And it’s an amazing feature about life, in spite of the lurking shadow of jealousy, in spitle of the millions of men and women in the world, how often it is that there is only one person who gives you that feeling that everything is worth while. And how hopeless it is for anybody else even to think they can give it to you!