HOW DO YOU EAT?

Waikato Times, Volume 127, Issue 21212, 7 September 1940, Page 5

HOW DO YOU EAT?

We Hope You Don’t . . . Let your elbows protrude like a wild swan flying high. Put too much in your mouth at one time. Fiddle with the silverware. Make a shambles of your place with bread crumbs. Shake your napkin out by one corner. Leave your spoon in your cup. Put elbows on the table whilst you eat. Quirk up your little finger. Keep turning your water tumbler while you talk. JJ'HIS question is not an inquiry into how you make your living. It assumes that you have something to eat, no matter how acquired. It is concerned really with how you look when you eat—not your clothes, but your mannerisms, manners, and your whole attitude towards the performance of eating. To be sure, nations, sections of the country, even communities, may differ in their eating habits, yet there are certain codes of wellbred people that are interchangeable despite these differences. Some people eat in silence and compel their children to do likewise. A man told me once that he never knew that people talked happily at the table until he got away from his family board where his father admonished taikers with, “We come to the table to eat, young man.” Certain sections of women still have mincing, Victorian table manners. There is a nice line to be drawn between a false disinterest in one’s food and a gluttonous attitude. Certainly every woman, at least once, should eat a full meal served to her on her dressing-table so that she may see how she looks while she eats ! Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said no beautiful woman should ever be seen eating asparagus with her fingers ? Nothing is a greater test of one’s appearance when eating than finger foods, such as olives, nuts, asparagus, celery, sandwiches and small cakes. Many a lover has lost his enthusiasm when he sees the object of his adoration trying to guess the distance she should get her mouth below the wobbly end of a dripping piece of asparagus. And after witnessing her reflection while eating an olive, anyone who cares the least bit about maintaining an illusion of loveliness will try to develop a casual manner. And it takes real skill to eat a lobster served in the shell without looking like a lioness at the kill! The greatest sin in eating anything is messiness. This one rule covers almost everything else. To avoid messiness is the real reason why the knife and fork are never propped up from the sides of the plate to the table; sauce or butter can run down on the handles. Messiness is the only reason why eating chicken bones with the fingers is prohibited at the table. With but a little skill, one may remove practically every shred of meat from a bone with a knife and fork. While any honest person will admit that those two bites that are left are perhaps the most delicious of all, yet it is hardly worth sticky fingers to get them. An Overworked Napkin is Evidence of Lack of Eating Skill A table napkin should be opened until it has but one fold and laid across the lap, edges to the top. Raise it to your lips as often as you like, and, when the meal is over, fold it over once, so that any soiled spots will not meet the eye, and lay it casually on the table. Few things can be more embarrassing in company than loud rumbling noises from the digestive apparatus. Yet, with what seems sheer perversity, this dreadful thing is apt to happen just when you really want to be on your best behaviour. These gurglings are produced by the liquid and gaseous contents of your intestines passing from wider to narrower channels, or vice versa. It is normal for them to happen in a very subdued way, but when they become loud enough to be heard at the table, it means that there are some very tight constrictions happening here and there in the bowel. These constrictions are produced by overaction of the nerves controlling the movements of the intestines, and this overaction may be due to several things. For instance, getting over-hungry will do it, as will being strung up, or emotional. Eating too quickly, being nervous, or in a bad temper, all act as stimulants of the nervous system controlling the digestion, and they lead to dyspepsia as well as to rumblings. Whether your food is to be served on a priceless lace cloth from rare china, or you are merely opening a sixpenny lunch-box, why not eat in a civilised fashion ? People who regard etiquette as fussy and “extra flourishes,” are missing the whole point. Unless one is going, like a pig, to put one’s feet in the trough and push the other fellow over, the few table restrictions we have merely smooth our path in eating with other human beings.