SCOTCH PRECISENESS

Waikato Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 2567, 22 December 1888, Page 1 (Supplement)

SCOTCH PRECISENESS

" A laird sent his Scotch butler to me ono evening," relates Mr Grossmith, in

his recent book, "A Society Clown," "to make enquiries respecting my entertaihment. The butler, an elderly, pompous, and exceedingly stupid man, produced a piece of note-paper containing a string of questions which ho was instructed to ask me. The first question was, "Gin Mr Grossmith give an entertainment at Aberdeen on Jan. —th ?" I replied that

my nightly engagement at the theatre would totally prevent my accepting an engagement at Aberdeen. I could only siog at afternoon parties in town, or a short distance from it. The butler, with a broad Scotch accent, which I need not imitate here, said, " Ye'll have the goodness to answer this question, please—"Can Mr Groesraith give an entertainment at Aberdeen on Jan.— th?'"

'No, I cannot,'l replied. The butler continued reading—' " What will be hia terms ?"' ' But I caunot go,' I argued. ' Ye'll save z deal o' time if ye'll answer the questions, please. What'll be the terms ?' ' Well, wo will say n hundred guineas, ns I can't go,' I answered, endeavouring to restrain myself from bursting out laughing in his "face. Tbo butler miido a note- of the tonne, and continued, "'Will the entertuitiiuent be consistent?"' ' What?' I ejaculated.

' "Will the entertainment be consistent ?",' ' Consistent ?' For the life of me I could not see what ho meant. ' Yes— consistent.' I thought , a little, and then eaid, ' Would you kindly explain the question f' I do not understand it in the least.' The butler said, 'Well, you must know, thu laird is a strict Presbyterian, and all tbe guests will bo strict Presbyterians, nnd he wants to know if your entertainment will be consistent.' 'Now I understand you,' I replied. 'Certainly my entertainment will be quite consistent. I am always very careful, and shall fling only. Presbyterian comic songs. . Ho made n, note of my remark in the roost Reriou* way, and left, saying, 'The laird himself will write to say if he can accept the terms.' That has ooourred nearly ton years ago, and the laird has not written y et <"