TALL TALK.

Waikato Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 2552, 17 November 1888, Page 1 (Supplement)

TALL TALK.

BI Mks W. JRatteay.

It was a disagreeable wet evening in July, -md very cold. The sound of the rain driven by a tolerably high wind against the window-panes, made the cosy fire round which was gathered a group of young people, seem a most delightful refuge from the storm. The shelter and warmth were fully appreciated by a young mau who came into the room shivering, and exclaiming : —

" I really believe your New Zealand winters have all the disadvantages, aud none of the compensations of our English ones !" Then he greeted the little party, who welcomed him warmly.

After a few remarks in abuse and defence of the climate, Miss Maude Falemer, tho eldest daughter ofthehou.se, said addressing the new-comer : " I am so sorry, Mr O'Fiaerty, wo shall not be able to have the musical evening we promised you. We are all so disappointed that wo shall not bo able to hear you sing, unless indeed you can do so unaccompanied ?"

Mr O'Fiaerty shook his head

" Indeed and I'm sorvy I cau'c do that for you, Miss Palemer. But has your piano lost its voice, for I see its form over in that corner ?"

"No!" critd Maude's youngest sister, Lily. " It's in first-rate order; at least it was when wo used it last. But it's locked up, and we've lost tho key ! "

"Faith!" said Mr O'Fiaerty, "aud why do you keep your piano locked up, Miss Lily ? Is it for fear someone should steal tho music from it ?"

Hero M audo interposed. " 'Wo have to lock it up because the now girl we have would get up and wake us all before si:; o'clock in tins morning, practising."

" And, indeed, she must have had the love of music pretty strongly developed to rise early these cold mornings to play the piano,'' said tho Irishman, a shade of incredulity in his voice. It was possibly this faint soupfion of doubt of the story which suggested an idea to Maude's brother, Jack. "I say," he began, " we can't sit here and twirl our thumbs, and it's far too cold to move au inch away from the fire ; let's play that new game." "What new game do you know, Mr Jack?" inquired u young lady visitor. "It's great fun if it's at all well done, Miss Candor," said Jack. "We all sit round the fire in various attitudes of grace or otherwise, according to the sex of the attitudeness—Jack bowed to the young lady—and then each, in turn, has to tell a good story, the more unlikely the better, so long as the others, who are for the nonce, tho judge and jury acquit the raconteur."

Tho Irishman's eyes twinkled as though he scented approaching fun.

"That is a grand notion of yours, Jack," he said. "I propose we put it, into 'immediate execution."

"Oh, you may hang a person in Ireland before you've tried him," said Jack ; " but out here tho judge aud jury try the merits of the case first."

" Don't be too sharp, Jack, my friend," said Mike O'Fiaerty. "It cuts like a knife this cold weather !" and he tried to give the idea of shivering mentally, and only succeeded in drawing the remark from Maude—

"Pull your chair further round, Mr O'Fiaerty ; you seem to find a draught from that window."

"Not at all, thank you, Miss Falemer ; it was a draught of another kind your brother was trying to forco down my throat."

" Don't you think," said Lily, " fiat it would be very much like telling untruths, if we were to play that game ?" " Stuff," retorted Jack, in a fraternal manner. "No more untruths thau all the rubbish novelists write. They make it all up, and so shall wc. I never heard even a parson object to their productions as untruths 1"

" Well, let us begin, said Maude. " Who is to tell the first story V"

" Miss Candor, of course," said Jack ; but that young lady absolutely declined, and and finally Mr O'Fiaerty said he would open the game. "Last week," he commenced, "I was down in Auckland, and strolled to the Northern Club to look for a fellow I wanted. Suddenly in came a gentleman who lives over at the North Shore, whom we will call Mr Bee."

He was well-known for his somewhat exaggerated style of conversation, and we were not surprised to hear liim exclaim: "Oh! I've had such an extraordinary adventure ! I was comini: over from the North Shore in the "Britannia," when, just as i-he started, a man jumped off the wharf, plump into" the water. Everyone instantly howled out, " man over-board ;" when he suddenly appeared, as cool as you please, a few yards ahead of the boat! We all rushed forward to look at him, when suddenly he dived down again, and came up close alongside us ! We were going pretty fast just then, but all the way across, that remarkable man kept swimming around us, under u?, in front, and in fact all over the place. I tell you, he could give that steamer points. When we landed and looked about for a dripping object, he was nowhere to he seen, I feared a shark must have got him at last! Mr Bee paused for applause, butastranger whom we had not before noticed, here stepped forward. He was dressed in a dark grey tweed suit, and looked rather like an American. He stood in front of Mr Bee, and said :

" I reckon you didn't know that man ; not personally acquainted with him, I should say?" " Well, returned Mr Bob, cautiously, " I can't exactly claim a friendship of long standing with the gentleman." "Wall," said the Yankee, "I guess you ought to know me by sight, anyhow ; ''I was that swimmer !"

Jack laughed, " What say you all ! Shall we pass sentence of approval on that story r" "Oh! yes. I think so," said a quiet young fellow in the far corner, who had spent his time hitherto admiring Miss Candor's black hair, but who seemed to have been roused by the Irishman's tale. " Well now its a lady's turn," said Mr O'Flaerty, "Try your luck, Miss Piilemnr"'."

"Visitors fust!" answered Maude. " Now, Janet, its your turn." Miss Candor's pretty forehead wrinkled up at ouce, as she suid : " I'leaso let uie think one moment. Oh ! yes, I know una now, but it isn't a bit like Mr O'Fluerty'.s; must they be all that style ?" "Not at all!" oried Jack, eajjerly, " the more tuev diCer, tho better,"

So Janet began her little story. ''It was in Dunedin that the heroine of my talo lived. Her name was Florence Haleford ; and she and her father had lived alone for some time. At length Mr Haleford engaged a house-keeper, partly to look after his house, and partly to take charge of his daughter, who was a wild, harum-scarum sort of girl. But Miss Collins couldn't manage Florence at all. She was a stiff, prirn old maid, who had tried all hur lifo to get married, and had not succeeded. When she became a member of Mr Haleford's establishment, she fondly hoped she should soon succeed in becoming a member of the family in reality, in fact, a wife-partner. But that event did not seem likely to come off, and Florence, whoso quick eyes had at once detected Miss Collins' little game, set herself to thwart that lady in every way that her ingenuity could suggest. But ono day, a most brilliant and daring scheme came into her head ; and she lo.it bo time in carrying it out. She skilfully contrived to impress Miss Collins with the idea that her father had fallen in love with that unlovable-looking spinster, and that ho was too shy to propose to her himself.

One day, she brought the unsuspecting lady a newspaper, containing the following advertisement:

" Matrimonial.— Wanted by a well-to-do, middle-aged gentleman, a wife. She must not ho under 30, not musical, but must have a thorough knowledge of, and experience in housekeeping. Apply Box C 6, P. 0."

" Oh ! my dear Miss Florence!" gasped the spinster, " that would so exactly suit me! I'm not mu-ioal, aud" (with a giggle) "I'm just ,30, and have, as you know, great experience in housekeeping, for my ago of course," with another youthful simp t.

"Old owl," muttered Florence, and she helped poor Miss Collins to prepare an answer, appointing next day for tho meeting, and asking tha advertiser to name the hour and spot.

By that evening's post, she received a letter saying the writer would bo at a certain place on the road to the waterfail at 7.30 the next night.

Florence had first thought of dragging her own father into the trap, but she reflected that her share in the plot would theu so easily be discovered, it would not be worth while ri.-king it. So she told a young fellow, who wus ono of her wellknown admirers—but whom sbo detested —that she would meet him at this particular placo the next evening at 7.110.

She described what she would wear, and the young man was filled with delight at the girl's kindness to him. She next invited a few friends to ' see some fun,' aud these choice spirits hid themselves behind the trees and waited for the appointed time of meeting. The first to arrive was Miss Collins. She had been carefully dressed -by Florence, who had then slipped out of the house, and ran quickly to the rendezvous, telling the victim not to let the gentleman find her there before he came, or he would think her too forward. But poor Miss Collins could not control her impatience indoors, and had to wait at least ten minutes before the young man—Mr Brown by name —appeared. He came quickly forward, somewhat disguised in a loose overcoat and soft hat pulled down over liis brows, and held out both his hands. The spinster, with a little inarticulate cry, suffered herself to bo pressed close to his manly bosom, and then he raised hur head with one hand, and with the other put back her veil to kiss her. There was a distinct ovulatory sound, and theu a sudden shriek from tho f male, and a muttered unparliamentary epithet from tho male figure, informed the delighted spectators—who had been told the names of tho actors in the little drama— that iho curtain had risen indeed, and the wrong people were on the Htage. Tableau ! " [To be continued.)