HUMOROUS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXX, Issue 2423, 21 January 1888, Page 2 (Supplement)

HUMOROUS.

BOW HE GOT THE TICKETS

In the Lund of lie—-as all know who have made pilgrimage through that vale of tears—the station-masters at small stations are not to bo distinguished from ordinary mortals, and it, happened thus : There was a race meeting at Ballyknoclihim, and many of the sporting element ran the time as ne.ir as could be, so much so that so , no of them had no time to got tickets before jumping into the train. When ncaring Ballyknockhim they began to ponder on the subject, saying— " How will they give us tickets here? They will be delaying ; uliuru we'll miss the first nice." A gentleman present observed — " Oh, I'll get them for y<; ; don't be annoying yourselves." Ou arriving at the station before Ballyknockhim, out he got, and presently returned. "How many arc there of ye without tickets '!" " Three,,' they said. " Oh, by the mother of Mosea ! I have lashings and lnvings for ye; I have foive." " More power to you! How did ye get them ?" " Oh, I remarked a carriage full of English towerists, and I opened the door and said sharply to them, 'Now then, tickets here ; and be jabors they handed them up at once'

A BRAVE ACT. Wβ learn by a recent despatch from Grafton, in this territory, that a young society lady of that place, named Miss Olive Sauborn, is the heroine of a flaring act. It seems that she was standing in front of the post-oitice when suddenly a runaway team hitched to a huggy came dashing down the avenue at a terrific rate. The moment Miss Sauborn saw them she leaped to the middle of the street at a single bound and, to quote from tho despatch, ''seized the maddened team by the bits." Planting her feet firmly on the ground, with her toca turned slightly out, she, in the words of the despatch, " threw the team high in the air." As they came down she again seized them by the bridles, one in each band, and swinging the heavy and half-crazed beasts around at each side of her, like the arms of a windmill, she brought them down on the ground at each revolution, one striking on its side while the other was above her head in the air, with a hollow thud like the sound of two pile-drivers at work together and striking alternately. Some five or ten minutes of this kind of treatment served to bring the. frightened and infuriated animals to a bait, and calmed them so much that tiiey both lay flat on their b :••'«! gasping for breathe Miss S.inboni then stepped back to tiio post-oitice and inquired for her mail in a oabn toue of voice and with a captivating smile. Piecesof the wagsjon, which broke loose when the young lady jerked the horses into the air thn first time, continued to fall for three-quarters of an hour.—Dakota Bell.

AN ASIATIC JOKE. Some strange stories have boon told of the way in which Abdur Rahwin lords it. over his people. There is humor in his way of playing the part of Lord Absolute, which c:in beat be appreciated at a distance, as a story which have just reached us will show. Not lon;,' ago, wo are told, the Ameer was sitting in durbar dismissing public affairs. The " Home" Dopartmont hud gone through their work. Orders had been issued to release certain persons from the sorrows of existence, when the durbar suddenly dashed into greater things, and began to talk about the English and the Russians. A man who had lately boon introduced ut Court, and whs not well acquainted with his sovereign's ways, remarked. "Lord of the Earth, let people say what they like, but this humble one has been scanning , the political horizon with far-reaching eyes, and the Russians are coining." The Lord of the Earth smiled a sweet sm'ln —some of the old courtiers, who knew that smile, ;ilt>o smiled and turning upon him with the " far-re;'.chiug eye-," said: "Blight jewel of our dubar and sun of our understanding, i,rt thnu sure of this ?'' "The Lord of the lijirtli i.s omniscient and knows everything," replied he. " Well, to be sure, wo do see things, but we are old now Moreover, yon tree obstructs our view ; however, Miou art young : go thou. therefore, climb the tree, watcli t.he cursed Muscovite's movoments, and when he is very clo*e upon us, ociino and inform us. The tree is high, so that thou shalt bo enabled to see a long way off." Forthwith the man was led to the tree and made to climb to the topmost branches. To keep up his courage, if ho grew weary of his post, a guard with bayonets fixed was told oft' to remain below. It is said the young man felt considerably elevated by his master's humour, and felt exhilarated at first; but three days' contemplation of the beauties of nature, even from such a commanding position, is apt to tire one, and so he. fell. They say ho got hurt and died. No ono dares to raise alarms in C.ibul now.—Bombuv G'wtte.