Varieties.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 2346, 23 July 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Varieties.

An Attain man -i in an-iUT P* an whidi pru.i*.|j f. r that amount to tell “Mhy 1 i-. m.- a and he rcc hed the r*; v. "ilian-c I didn't w.iir t • i»e a -ii eiiMA-r." J.ii ti-.u.div '-nc*' .i yrnr travel* over six thousand to inspect hi« rail-r-a'ls and yet •* :n" m-n get a« mad as the th-‘V hi*.-* -:mply to go d *wa i> she cellar and gel a of C-AtJ. Tin: diff-nmc* K-tw-en a marriage ceremony ami a divojee i*' v«-ry slight ,»n]y the <>f t-v<» J-ttviS winch changes ** united to “ untied. *’ A >•'!:;nij-t '.ty' tii tt m »uk* v- hav* a lang'iag’*." S • i;av<* f.. r that matter; hit it intk**'a nun til -d much quicker la to th »t d the monkey-, Thk v.- r.d m.iv b. c uning more wicked every day, but ne h»w n -t yet heard «-f > :di ii;itn-tr«oi« d-q-rauty a- a girl wealing a f.imiiv J>jo.v for her ba«!ie. A w«-man. n**t yet forty ve..u. d: .a- to upwards -if slTi.iiaj a y**»r. Sild *wn, lodie* ; 'it do-.vn. >;v iri'vs the r-aUne-a> cashier to p.iv off the iiaiid*. T.\Kh a '.•an-t-r who has secured x hu-h 4!; d. She w itches and jn Jg*s that m*u with tin* t* iid *r inteie-t «<f a mother a h-uple-' e H-* •< new worry for her tender re'p cidbihty, and. coming late to ht-r, he i- a* d ■ ;h!y im;* .rt.mt a< a ca-c of twins. She nwt iphnricnly rack's hi« cradle over again, and when h* kicks against her unu-.vmg g «*dnt s-,-he is a* Mirpri-ed and opoviii a> a lien that has inadvertently hatched a duck.

A few day* >mco the great railroad magnate Baltimore w,t< «tr>Hing down one of the fashion ible street', like Solomon of old arrayed in all hi'glory, and proudly conscious of the fact that, upon this occasion, he had hivi-hed rather in •re*lhan the u-ual amount «»f care nj>rn Ins toilet to j'Crfect the fancied re-emhlance t<» tlie Prince of Males. Ju't ahead he C'pie-1 a young *lady of hi> acquaintance, wh •. in addition to her hand'"!n»j f ice and figure, |*osse«ses a ready wit at repartee. Hastening hi« 'le|>* the magnate joined her, and, with a complacent smilf, after exchanging the ii'inl greetings remarked, “\\ rll, Mrs , d-ui't y*mthink my g--t up thi- afiern-r-n rather well?'* His fairc »n:p.mi m eyei him quizzically f**r a ii!'.ment*fr-.m t--p to t--e a* -lie quietly respondei, ** Hither m >res.v-dlen than swell 1 should sav.*’

S;j; l iuNC;'; Hasttn'us Dom.e tells some amusing stories Keate, the famous bcadmi'tor» f Kt. n. \i»ung D-yle and some friends had c ane in late for 41 call over/’ as the school clock was a quarter of an hour late. The b-*y> mentioned this tardiness as an excuse. ‘‘Clock, Mr? Don't talk to me about clocks ; if there were no ch*ck«, you would be bumd to come in time for abduce jn<t the same ! * To which Doyle replied, 44 \ e-% sir, if there were n*» chicks, hut there is a oh-ck. “ I w;e talking this over with my old the present Lonl loachfoid, ’ <ay>: Sir Krancis, 44 and hap|>cn‘ >i to observe that Keate did not mind your Ivin" to him: what he hated was a monotony «»f excuses. ‘Mind your lying t*. him V r«t«*rt-*d L »rd Blacbbud. 4 1 should think not; why, he exacted it as a in irk of proper respect! I reuember getting into some trumpery scrape, and, when called np« a for my explanation, iastfad ■ i making the shuffling statement ho anti -ipah’d, I I<*M him the literal truth, npwi which he at once inquired of me, with a ipcat appearance of anger, whether I had bo- n di inking I*”

A%* K igliJj p:*:»*r hj i-Joea offering priz 3 * f-c q-.i-.0..n- :u otdiiffrdt t» reply t«». ||*te area few «-f to ■- Wh.it is the n itn- «J tV* 1 Oil-•* fVkuig? “ il-ov many tro**a Ii Mr. G*,-» D;«>ne ]]•••: in bi-hf-?* ‘How jn iuy paving ar«» th-T' l in i, *nd’»n?’

4 H w iij ;:iy t 'm-ca*.- :r** tb-re within the f-*'Jr-:!iij -r.rli:; s‘ kindly gi\e the total n r <.f In the Railway Ckiringhousc iii .»?..] v.dw .»r,* HioK* at any tim * to i‘- iieO b-f.ir-.i C■ unity Court ju ig-*. 4 * !>.,• t-di m i tii** depth in the d'.ejwrt p]:e-* of tiie Sind in th<* Sahara D‘-crt,*' ** H or many pan™ of glav* are there in i ; **'V,n :*.'ws ..f the whole of Londm? * 4 Uho was William the Conqueror’s hist b.mtmd:-r? 44 How many huiostmen ; aw there in E ndon ?‘ 4 * H> v many Moans i have b>t-n thrown into the .Serpentine river in Hyde P ark this year by hj ys and girls?* 1 “ W hat was the price c:nrg -d for the first glass oi .-;)e publicly soM by the fir-t licensed victuall-r granted a licence in England ?*' 44 The name M the first man uh j four thousandfivo hundred ye»r< IJ.C. built his own tui w and piddled it ? * “Her many persons iram-'d * S-i.rh have boon born in the wvrld j>;nce 171-S? 44 How many mib-.-tone* are there-m the road b»Uuin?” “Where d» ad t;:c pui- go to': * “ A:e th f if any shell fi-h at tuo mrco of the Congo*:’* **Who made the fir-t -durt?* 44 How often had Julio* C.j'sar the pwithicfio ?” ** Hew may f c ■nvm--.* any woman agdn-t her will when I know bn**m I doubt tn.it my opinion is c »rre?t ? ** Ho-.v many inches d-e* the Emperor •*£ Caiin mejmire round ihechotS 1 4 ‘ Mh.it is the area of Mr. Clads 4 collar*: ’ ** The following were con-sider-M the most difficult to answer:— M’hat country in Kuroj>e as far as it is prws.i.’e to ascertain, has pa«-ed or enacted the •rro of laws from .T.anuruy, A.l > •'yd, to January, A.D. “What is to-exact nu-a’Hjr of times that the word ‘ the 1 occurs in all the books in the Hritish Museum at on? p.m. on < >ct »b?r IC, }Sdd Ibv.v She W*>v Him.— 44 You look very Much excited, dear,” he said, when she entered the |»arh*ur where he was waiting f>>r her. “\\ ell, 1 should think I ought to i*c excited, I’she 1 ’she answered ; 44 I’ve just had the most awful argument with jua.” And she began to weeep hysterically. 44 Why, what is the matter, m 3* darling?* 1 he inquiml, as he slid his arms round her waist and endeavoured to soothe her: 44 what was the argument r* 1 “Oh I how can I tell you! She said yon were trifling with me, and that y<’u would not pop the question ; snd I told her she did )*mi a great injustice, for I believed you would pop the question tonight. She said you wouldn’t, and I said you would, and she had it hot and heavy. Dear Ceorge, y.m will not let ma triumph overyou, will you?* 1 “Wli-hy. certainly not,]' answered Ceorge. 44 1 knew it, my darling/’the dear "irl exclaimed; “come, let us go to ma and tell her how much mistaken she was !*’ And the}* did.