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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2292, 19 March 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Family Con. —Your uncle has a brother who is not your uncle. What relation is he to yon ? —Your father.

" Dear old Aunt Sarah," sa id a schoolgirl, "don't see very well, and last Sunday was buzzing around, getting ready for church, looking for umbrella, specs, over shoes, and last but not least, her Prayer book. The latter she thought she had secured by grabbing something o(f her bureau at the last moment, and when she got to church it proved to be my musical box, and the old lady, in trying to find her place in the uncommon book of prayer, touched the spring, and it went off in fine style to the tune .of ' Oh, Jim Along, Jim Along. Josey.'"

A New Kxpemmknt. —We learn from L'Eleetricien that a M. H. Danville pledges his scientific reputation to the accuracy of the following observation : If two glasses of water bo placed, one upon the north pole of a powerful magnet and the other upon the south pole, in four or five minutes the former acquires a slight alkaline reaction, while that on the south pole becomes slightly acid.

CJtiltsixg Sea Weed.—An English chemist lias found a way for turning to account the practically illimitable quantity of seaweed that the ocean supplies, or at least as much of it as may be desired. He boils the weed with carbonate of soda, and treats the filtered solution with sulphuric acid, obtaining from it in this manner a substance that has more viscosity than starch, or even gum arabic, and that can be profitably employed in stiffening various textile fabrics. It is also said to be excellently adapted for the making of syrups for certain culinary uses. Prom the cellular and fibrous matter left after the extraction of that materia!—to which he has given the name of "alguina"—a very good quality of writing paper can be cheaply made.

A pickpocket was tried and convicted in the San Antony District Court. Before pronouncing sentence Judge Noonan asked—" Where do you live when you ore at home?"—" New York." "Why don't you stay there ?"—" I do stay there during the business season." " When is that?'—" When the weather is warm." " Why don't you stay there in winter?" " Because its cold there in winter, and everybody has £Ot his hands in his pockets. None of us make expenses when it is cold. Cold weather don't interfere with your business, Judge, but it plays the mischief with me." Judge Noonan subsequently remarked that 011 New Year's Day he was going to sweat oH' from asking convicted criminals any superfluous questions.—Texas Siftings.

The Profit ox Explosives.—At the aunual meeting of Eley Brothers (Limited), the cartridge manufacturers, which was held recently, it was reported that the nett profits of the business during the past twelve months amounted, after the payment of the usual expenses, to £72.400 10s Gd. The directors declared a dividend and bonus of 40s per share, making with the interim dividend paid iu July last, a total distribution of '2;") per cent, lor the twelve months ; while they farther recommeuded the addition of .£IO,OOO to a special reserve fund, and the carrying forward of £9003 19s 3d to the next account.

A BmSTSR I'OK THE DOCTOR. —Two years before his death Mr Tilden, candidate for the Presidency of the United States, was taking severe medicine, prescribed by Dr. Simmons, to stop or lessen the nervous shaking from which lie .suffered. The medicine apparently hud a. good result. Mr Tilden, however, always qinrrelled about it. He said it disagreed with him. One morning he declared to Dr. Simmons, " [ 'shall stop taking that medicine; it hurts my stomach. 1 ' Governor,'' said the doctor, "'it cannot hurt your stomach. Its effects are not on that orpran at all." "But I tell you it does," persisted Mr Tilden ; *' and .1 shall take no more of it." Dr. Simmons was now really alarmed and said "Are you resolved on that''" The answer was, "I am." "Then," rejoined the doctor, "at least promise me to leave it off gradually, beciiuse if you stop it all at once I would not bo answerable for the consoqnonces." Drawing his chair nearer to the doctor, Mr Tilden laid a hand on the physician's knee, looked him straight in the face, and with a steely glare of his eyes, snid to him in a. whisper, " I have stopped it." "When?" a c ked the astonished and alarmed doctor. "Three weeks ago," answered Mr Tilden ; " and it has not hurt me a bit. You doctors don't know nearly so much as you think you do,"