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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2289, 12 March 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

A Profane Upstart.-—The man who sits on a pin. London is growing in population at the rate nf 05,000 a ye;ir. It is reported that a fox-terrier threatens to supersede the pug as a lady's pet in fashionable circles in England. A man may talk and talk and not be a bore if he talks to you about your good points. Never begin to read, write or sew for several minutes after coming fiom darkness to light. It is said that a flower has been discovered at Tehunatepee which is white in the morning, red at noon, and blue at night. London spends £120,000 per annum for compulsory vaccination. Large as the bill is, it is cheaper than a smallpox epidemic. 'What do you think'; I woke up this morning absolutely deprived of all intelligence, a perfect idiot.' ' And how were you when you went to bed last night?' 'The same as usual.' ' Oh, that accounts for it.' O'Kelly—'ls it breakin' yer long neck ye'z afther in the dark '/' Dolan—' Sure an' Oi can't foind the matches.' O'Kelly — ' Thin sthrikea loightand lukfor thimlike a sinsible person.' France has prohibited the bringing within her lines of German carrier pigeons. It is suspected that they may be used to carry back plans of French forts. You often hear married people say that two persons can live more cheaply than one person can alone. The effort to prove this statement true has been the cause of a great many divorce suits on the charge of nonjnamtenance.

" Ain't you a little dear," said Jones to the young lady behind the counter who had just told him the price of a pair of gloves. " I presume so," responded the young lady, cooly : "at least all my gentlemen acquaintances tell me so."

Sarcastlcts and his wife don't agree very well. The other morning he discovered that she had appropriated his only necktie. Sarcasticus —' What in thunder are you wearing my cravat for?' Mrs S— ' Because I haven't any of my own.' Sarcasticus (gloomily)—' Oh, I see ! It is the only tie there is between us.' A JiAN in Pennsylvania put his yule log on the fircplaco and watched it burn. When it got warmed through five rattlesnakes crawled out of a knothole in it, and the man in Pennsylvania set the fire dogs on thoin and finished them up with the shovel and the tongs.

FUJIIGNIVO-MENTISSIJIOTBEMKXnO is ail Italian word, and means vomiting; smoke and tire. This is doubtless the expression the Boston editor was groping for when he got hold of 'terrene seismic disturbances.' Tub last words of a man condemned to death. As the fatal moment approaches he asks the hangman— ■' What is it to-day?" "Monday," murmurs the executioner. "Monday? A nice way to begin the week."

Lii-'B ought to be to everyone a joyous thing. True, it is in the midst of things within and without still steeped in sorrow —but the line of religion is that line of light which falls true and beautiful across the darkness ; and overy Christian, catching something of its brightness, is to be himself in this world as a star that breaks the gloom, and speaks of God.

An old gentleman of wonderful vigour for one who has passed four score years was stopping at Harrogate. He was a widower and a man of large wealth. Widows as well as maidens enjoyed his society, for he was witty and wise. Ono day lie was introduced to a young lady. After a pleasant chat about a new-comer, the young lady remarked, " Are you married V" "Oh no; I am susceptible though !" replied the venerable one. " Jjy-the way, my dear young lady," added he, " are you married ?" " 1 am'not," she replied; "and I have made up my mind that 1 never will be unless I can Ret a good catch—a man with brains and money. "Then," said the old ffontlein.in, "you are after money witlin husband. Well, I've plenty of mo,:icy- and brains enough to look aft,e',' ;t, How would you like such a yor.iig man as myself?" "I like yon very well. You are sensible and l' believe, rich ; but you lack one—just ono —only ono acquirement, so far as T, aw able to judge." " Well, what is that, madam?" inquired the vencrablo one, "You do not seem to have a bad cough," she replied. T.|ie daaotl veteran arose and beat a hasty retreat.