Amusing

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2176, 19 June 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Amusing

pAIiKHi (rea<iinjr) The Rev. Sneyd AwbrosoCive Ijf . aot'nf\ cNrkinholy nrdVr», of <{jeH»- Milvern, '.vis fined lOn .tiid cost" at Oxtmil on Tuesday for drunkpnmW Hi* frifwl (r.fl.ctivelf) "Let'-. Nee. Court w.r.il.i ju&t get £2 JOsoutof that. And :iU ck-i gyuita too.'

A trivellpr in Western lowa, notired on the wall of the pitldi ot tlie liotcl the loxuid, "Id on pule Fraucaiec," and u.ud t.i the projniet<»r : " Uo you nj.-e.ifc French ?" " FriMi'h ? "No. Unit-d States is good 'noiiirh for me," " Then why do you keep that legend on the v.M ? 'Diat me.mi ' French it npokeu here." •' Is that so ?" " Certainly." " Well. I'm !> half-breed from up tb© Mis-otiry if 't feller with a wart on bis no-o didn't sell me th it fora Latin Motto: '•Gotl bless our home."

•• A sTruKrvfj point of resemblance between the busy editor and tliofnclttstrious Imrginr is the common dislike of long sentences." And another point of resemblance ia the fieqn^ncy with which both get what they so much dislike.

A.v English exchange has tl c follow* Jnif. Many of our rcadern will recojrnuo the paper referral to:—" A country paper in .1 New ZeiUnd colons hid b^en twice sold over political obituary announcements. Thw drew from it the following: —' Persons bringing death notices to thin office too Into at night for Terifioation will have to be accompanied by the deceased, nofc necessarily for publication, but ao ft guarantee of good f.iith.' "

This settles the " early worm" ques« tion. A father had been lecturing hii youii^ hopeful upon the evils of staying out late at night and setting up late in the morning. •• You will never be good for anytliiug ?" he continued, "unless you turn o\er a new leif. Remember the early bird catches the worm." " How about the worm, father?" inquired the young man. " Wasn't he rather foolish to ge up so early ?" "My son," replied the old man solemnly, " that worm hadn't beeu to bed at all ; he was on hii way home."

The Hindoos are again complaining of the inferior quality of the idoli furnished them by Birmingham manufacturers. It seems that these manufacturers have been producing such ugly styles of idols that even the moat toli^ious Hindoo cannot worship them with auy degree of satisfaction. Moreover they are constructed of crostgrained knotty wood, and are painted with cheap paint, which comes off and sticks to the lips in hot weather.

Taking Thought for the Future. —Pretty Cousin—" And what do you think of dcinsf after leaving Harrow?'* Tommy -" Oh, I shall go into the Indian Servico." Pretty Cousin—" Do you think you'll like Indisi. then ?" Tommy <% Oh, its not th<it. Bufc, you know, in tho Indian Civil * fellow's widow geta such a good pension !"—Punch.

Mr Justice Hpdth.esto>- is a rery chilly person, and unhappy unless in the> atmosphere of an oven. Many of the 1 lending men at the bar, on the other hand, are stout, not to say of full habit. It is eotmnonly haul, indeed that in old Huddleston's court many a smart pleader 1 -ts v\i eiunced a f>retahte jf his fate in the " Swet by and bye."

SOT HER. At an evening ]>:irty DumVy was intro. dnrod to a young 1 idy, and after a remark about the weather, ho said irallamly : >( And have I really the pleas ire of meeting 1 tho beautiful Miss Smith, whoua pr.ii.vs arc beinir sounded by everybody ?'* '• Oh, no, Mr Dumley," the lady replii»d, "the beautiful Miss Smith to whom you refrr i j a cousin of mine." " Oh, that's it ? Well, I thought there must be a iniftako wmewhoro. " said the galhnt Dumley.— New York Hun.