Fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2090, 28 November 1885, Page 2 (Supplement)

Fun.

"Biudgdt," said a lady to her servant. the other morning, "you weic out until twelve o'clock last nigbt. What does il mean ? You know it is against orders." '•'Dade, mum, I wuz with mj r sisthci." " Well, wheu your week is up you can pj and live with your sister. What is your sister ?" " A sergeant on the police force, and he's well off, too," said Bridget, spitefully • (# in< dado he's got more money than some farmer^ have hay."

"Now. why is yer wife called r helpmate, Pat?" Says the priest. " Since jc time o' yer wooiu' She's niver assisted in. what ye were at — For it's naught ye are sver doin.'." " That's true of yer Reverence," Tatiick icplies, And no sign of contrition evinces , "Butj ljodad, it's a fact which A he word im plies. For she helps to mate the expinses ''

" How do you manage to secure tbc beV. cards m the park," exclaimed a lady to her rn.ilo opponent in a game of enchre. "I cannot help it, madam," replied the gentleman. "My business compels me to hold the best winning cards." '• And why, pray V "I am a pawnbroker." " And what lias that to do with this game [would like to know?" " My bu&iness, madam, compels me to hold a loan hand.'- 1

Lilta N. CusnuAN singa of tha poet in thd Chicago Sun ; " llii pips from flowers and birds and brecae, Perfume and musio ever ; In fancy sails o'er Ljdian peas, Dreaojing sweet dreams forover, l^ He often sips of lager, tooj Of whiah he ia a lover, And when he's feeling pretty blue, Drinka till he's half sea 3 oter.

She gave the rose upon the spot, Her glowing pyeh with love were lit, And life without it were n, blot ; But yet 'tis wilting bit by bit, And I must sort of wonder what In thunder I shall do with it.

Youxg Squills went into a saloon yesterday, wearins: a new spring tile. A fiiend of his, in sportive mood, knocked it off and another friend accidentally pat bis foot into the plug. '• Much obligedj gentlemen," said Squills, " have something" with me. You have incroascd the price of that • bonnet' double." " llow's that »" inquired tha party. " Why, before, it was nothing but a plain, every day, common, seven-times-a-week plug; now it's an opera hat — a ciush."

She stood beside the counter, The day he'll ns'er forget, She thought the muslin dearer Than any fihe'd eec-n jet ; He waSched her playful ficgers The siiks and satins toss, The chop nun looked uneasy, " Show me some velvet ribbon, Baiege and satin tare," She said, " I want to purchase '" Then gave the goods a jerk. The shopmen, all obedience, Brought satins, silks and c pc : At length, with hesitation, ra She bought a yird of lajie /

Doctor : You wife is in a very critical state, and I phould recommend you to call in eomc specialist to consult on the case. Husband : There, you tec, Doctor, I right again ! I told my wifo long ego ehs ought to get proper inciical sulvice, but eho thought you might be offended.