THE INNOCENT FROM HOME.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2057, 12 September 1885, Page 4

THE INNOCENT FROM HOME.

L\I)IKS and gentlemen, I am a curly he.ided ploughbny, at least, I was a long time ago, but now am in the sere and yellow leaf of middle age. So having neon 17 years in W.iiknto without .-\ h«hd.iy, and having -Mime Rukuhia Cheese F.ietory dividends to spend, I dutei mined to Uke advanUpre of the cheap fares and go to the \Vel!i igtnn Exhibition. The chance of gettn f? away from fifteen cows, a wife and ten encuuibiAncos was ton piecious to be lost. My vwfe said the pvibhc would bo sure to wi-h me to give a lecture on my return, but as that would take mo away from the dear children at night, I decided to wnte instead, and tell the neighbours all I shall see. When I broached tho subject to the Editor ho did not appear overjoyed as I had expected, but suggested th.it it would pay both me and tho paper better it I acceptid a small bribe and did not have my effu-ions in fruit. But like the Aiabl flung him back m gold and asked him if he thought th vt I, a man of Rukuhi t, would t.ike money. "No^ir," Icaid " if you do not chooio to gi\e the Waikato public a chance to improve their minds, somebody else will." That settled him, and lit- mournfully consented. To remove anyunfur preiudiee thit in iy exist in the uumN of the intelligent public, I wish to state at nnco that 1 am not Mi Sain, m>r " Billy" of Te Awamutu. I see the former gentleman w expected m Auckland shortly, *o if in my ab«pnco Geoige Augustus should attempt to claim any re lationslnp with me, you h.iwi my authority for saying I have no connection with the firm. An Jot "Billy," well, if I can cieep within c»>oy of Billy on the ladder of journalistic fame, I *<h,ill bo supiemely content.—But you want to be off to Welling ton, don't you ? And so do I. Well, we get into a budding called the Waikato Hotel. Thi". building m a four wheeled one and driven by Mr Land. Weaiednven through tho riling township of Hamilton, (th.it 1-. the style, is it not, Mr Editor ?) to the station where we get into the train, in which we are whirled at such a rapid rate, that we wish we were safely trotting along m "Tho Waikato Hotel" with R. Land, Ksq., driving. The train we went by is exprev, so it docs not stop at .mother "rising town ship called PukHte, but dashes straight on the (I must cli.vice thi-. time and say) "rapidly rising city of NVmnwahu." 1 don't fancy any one n building up.i foitune at this place. When I get a little nearer "Billy" on the ladder and have mide my fortune, I intend to buy Ngaruiwahia and hie there. It is the prettiest part of W.n kato. A few miles further on Taupiri bursts on our astom^hed gaze. The plntfoim hero us thronged by the ymuig Btiitionmastcr and a tall gentleman who bus with him, liko Mary, a little lamb. Wo arc informed that Tdiipin Wongs to this gentlem in and that ho lives in the laige two stoiied house across the btreet. We aie getting used to exprev .speed by this tune, so stay contentedly in the carriage until we near " Huntly," when we look out and soe the bonny face of our old friend, Mi L. B. Harris. We ask him who eke lives here, and ho tells us there is .i pottery, and that the best coals Mouth of the lino .un f»t out of the hills on tho right. He say-, there is something m the shape of coal across tho river, but it is not much good. The pottery, like the Ngaruawahia fellinongery, had such a fearful rush of biiiineis that the managers were forced to go to the -easide for quiet and change, so tho pottery is not working at present. When we get to Rangirni we have to turn away, for fear we might be tempted to buy it instead of Ngaruawahia. Wo won't be selfish, so it anyone else wants Rangirin we fancy it might be bought. As we did not have much in "The Waikato Hotel" we arc gl.id enough to get to Mercer. There were two paHsengern in the train, one went to Porter's and the other utayed at James I*.1 *. As I do not wish to offend either party, I will not say which was best off. Mercer is charm ing— to leave. Then we na^s through bush country, or stump country it is now, and wonder how in these days of free education and newspaper circulation any sane people can >«tay among the black stumps, when they might come to our beautiful Waikato, which is literally flowing with milk and honey. If you want to prove the former, visit the cheese factories, and if you doubt the honey, go to Mr Kail, and if you give him £1 ho will tell you all tho bee statistics you want to know. (I forgot to say I am not Mr Knrl either). Papaknra and Drury sepm in about as flourishing a state .-is Pukokohc. There is a grand fortune for anyone who will distil whiskey fiom gorsc. Hmeabouts there is an unfailing supply, and unlike the frozen moat the supply is never likely to exceed the demand. They say donkeys are fond of gor>e, but judging by the unto.iched appearance of that ciop, there .are no dnnkc} -■ in thU district. This makes it even harder to understand why people In • here sit fill, when "There i-. a land <»f pure delight 11 like Waikato a few hour* journey off. We have had enough excitement for one day, so compose ourselves to sleep, and only wake when the guard says "change here for Onehungi," so we change and, aftei being ijfely landed at the hotel, wheie we stay tho night, pu> ceed to write to our dear Waikato fiiend-". We tell some travelling friends that wo have never been to sea before, and .ire looking forward to tho morrow with jjleamne. They say, " Oh ' you will enjoy the West Coast immensely, 11 but there is a kind of sardonic smilo accompanying thesu simple words which haunts us and in ikes us wondpr whether, after all, anticipation may not be better than real (nation. Well, if I live to tell the tale, I will give you a tine »nd unvarnished account of my ex pmence*. By the way, why do we say un varnished? l)o people ever varnish then accounts? When Waikato people aend accounts to each other they only mount over tho good paper lost, without wasting varnish on >t. Xow, Mr Editoi, lamin a fix to know what to sign myself. I only know two good names, " Billy " and " Paddy Murphy," and To Awamutu has taken out a patent for tho^e. I think, just to give you a ch.ince of lookmif in your dictionary, I shall .sign myself EC'LKCTIC.