A MITRE BOX.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1920, 25 October 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

A MITRE BOX.

By R. P. WHITWORTH.

(Continued.) So ii was with the bishop. When his wildly improbable challenge was so unexpectedly taken up, he was cataohrestioally " gravelled," metaphorically " knocked off his peroh," and when in less than five minutes the younger Treherne read him out the sentence in fairly constructed and resonant Greek verse, he had to admit that he was fairly " cornered." " I am indeed hoist with my own petard," he exclaimed, dolefully, " and can but throw myself on the mercy of the court." But the court shook its head, and could not hear of anything but the forfeit. Like Shylock, it stood upon its bond. "But only to think," he pleaded pathetically, almost piteously, " only to think of the soandal ; a bishop in his own diocese being seen boxing, sparring. It's most unseemly. Ohl it's dreadful, dreadful." •' But there's nobody hereto see you, sir, except myself and my brother," said the younger of his tormentors, " and you may be sure we won't split." 11 Split 1 good gracious me." " I beg your pardon, sir, I mean tell." " Oh, I know what you mean very well," he replied, so lugubriously that the young

men almost burai out laughing ; " look here, what'll you take to let me oft'? " " No go, sir," said Arthur, who was inclined to mild slang. " I'll pay a fine." A shako of the head. " Five shillings." " Couldn't do it." " Half-a-sovereign." " No, sir." " I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll get you invitations for next Government House ball." "We've got them." "Well, I'll speak to Sir George, and get you introduced to the prettiest young ladies in the room." " It can't be done sir." " Will nothing tempt you ? " " Nothing. Nothing else will do. We want the lesson." " Nothing else, either a passage with the foils or a bout with the gloves. We'll concede that much." " Very well, I'm fairly in far it I acknowledge, and I'll pay my debt of honor." " Foils or gloves sir ? " "Oh gloves thank you. I may manage to save myself from utter and shameful defeat with the gloves, but that confounded Uncle Edward's coup of yours, cot if I'm aware of it. So you won't let me off ? " 11 Certainly not." " You want a lesson, as you call it ? "If you please, sir." " The bishop took up the gloves, and began to fit them on, muttering to himself the while " You want a lesson, do you ? Then by (Jove I think it was he said) you Bhall have one or I'm mistaken." However he said nothing but toed the mark with a mirthful and mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Which of us is it to be, sir?" asked Charlie. ' " Oh, I don't mind. It's only a matter of form you know. Either of you will soon polish an old fellow like me oft". I'll take you for choice, Mr. Charles, only don't hit too hard you know." " Don't be afraid, sir, I'll play light." " Only one round," said the bishop. " Very well, sir, only one round." Charlie toed the mark, and the Wo squaied at each other. It was a comical sight, and perhaps unique, since the Dean of Port Phillip thrashed the bullock- driving bully on the Maneroo plains. On the one side a burly, tall, well-set up bronzed and bearded bushman in closely fitting Bedford-cord riding breeches and boots, and a red Crimean shirt, and on the other a slightly rotund clerical dignitary in his episcopal small-clothes, and apron and gaiters en suite. After a little preliminary spaning, each feeling the other's strength rather than attempting to hit, the bishop suddenly changed his plan of attack, and saying, " Now for your lesson, sir," gave a tempting opening for a head blow, and, as suddenly dodging the lunge which ensued, followed it up by two mighty blow.°j one over the guard, and taking effect on Charlie's cheek bone, the other, under the guard, a clean upper cut, that catching Master Charlie under the jaw, fairly lifted him off his pins, and landed him on his back fully three yards off. If ever absolute, blank, complete, entire, peifect, plenary, and essentially unmistakable astonishment fell upon the house of I Trehetne, it was at that moment, and never befoie. Not when Margaret Treherne ran off with the penniless captain from Flanders in the reign of Queen Anne, not when Master Reginald Treherne, the youngest and the scapegrace of the family, married Mistress Dorothy Pencarrow, the greatest beauty and the wealthiest heiress of the county a few years after ; not when Arthur Treherne ruined himself and his family by the South Sea bubble, nor when Ralph Treherne, whilom sea captain, and it was said privateersman, in the Spanish main, retrieved the fallen fortunes of the house by suddenly appearing in the lonely Cornish village where Treherne house stood, with, as was reported, a shipload of gold. All these occunences created more or less of astonishment, doubtless, but then they were all, if improbable, at least not impossible. But that Charlie Treherne, six feet two in his stockings, as strong as a bullock, and confessedly the best boxer iv all the country round, should have been so quickly, so unmistakably, and so ignominiously disposed of, fairly landed, by a parson, even though that parson were a bishop, passed comprehension. Arthur stood with his mouth wido open, looking from the bi&hop to his brother, and back again, and utterly refusing to believe the evidence of his own eyes. Charles sat up in the tan, smiling and shaking his head idiotically, with a buzzing in his brains, and a dull aching in his jaw, wondering whore he was, and how he got there, or, like the old woman in the nursery rhynio, whether he were really himself at all. The bishop, still with the mischievous twinkle in his eyes, stood quietly surveying the pair, and a comical, yet half deprecatory, look on his face, which seemed to say, " Please don't ba angry ; it was quite an accident." A deep, solemn, dreamy silence reigned for a little while, until Arthur, recovering from hia state of ineffable amazement, and cj aculating in a half whisper, " Well, I am blessed," burst into peal after peal of uncontrollable laughter. The bishop, relieving his hands from the un1 wieldy-looking gloves, smiled a gentle, halfmelancholy smile, and said softly, " It seems to amuse you, Mr. Arthur. Would you like a little lesson. Only one round, you know." " Me, ha 1 ha 1 ha 1 No, thank you, sir ; ha 1 ha I ha 1 Not much I wouldn't. Ha I ha ! ha ! look. Oh Lord ! look at Char ha 1 ha 1 ha ! " and the young fellow sank into a canvas lounging chair, and, half choking, kicked in one ecstaoy of cachinnation. The object of hit! merriment looked ludicrous enough. Leaning on one huge swathed paw he was feeling aimlessly in the air round his bead as if he were trying to find his face. Even the good bißhop could not restrain bis risibility,' although he went to his fallen antagonist, and expressed a hope that he hadn't hurt him. Charlie smiled inanely, and responded, " Whar's marrer, 'n earthkake? " This set Arthur off into another paroxysm of laughter, and holding his sides, he murmured faintly, " Oh, don't, don't, don't let him look at me ; he'll be the death of me." But the worthy bishop helped the halfdazed man up and into a chair, and stepping into the dining room brought out a glass of water with perhaps a soupgon of brandy in it, and gave it to him to drink. This somewhat revived him, and presently he came to himself and to a recollection of what had occurred. " I am sorry I hit so hard Mr. Treherne," said the bishop, kindly. "And so am I sir," replied Charlie, smiling. "And so is he," repeated Arthur, with another roar of laughter. "Oh I somebody hold me, or I shall burst." " But you asked for a lesson you know," wont on the old gentleman. "And by the lord Harry, I got one, a lesson I shan't forget," replied Charlie,laughing heartily at his own discomfiture^ "I hope you won't mention this little episode," said the bishop, when they had returned to the house, and were seated round the table chatting; "it might be misconstrued you see, and cause a scandal." "I should like to turn it into Greek iambics," replied Arthur, .mischievously. "Hpmer'B Odyssey wouldn't be a patch on it; and as fox Zeua fighting with Campe,

why the fellow couldn't hold a candle to your lordship. Ohl Charlie, if you could only have seen yourself, when you— took a seat," and Arthur, again half choked with hilarity at tha recollection. "But do not fear sir, I shall say nothing, and I don't think Charlie's likely to; at least— Ob Lord I excuse me sir, but I can't stand it," and he fairly ran out ofjthe room to enjoy hia laugh in the open air." So far my story is over. But Arthur never, to my knowledge, either wrote it in Greek verse, nor related it in any other language, dead or living, and you may be certain Charlie never did, nor the bishop either, and they were the only three who were present. Then how came Ito know it ? Ah 1 that's tellings. Perhaps a little bird told me. Perhaps I guessed it. Perhaps I dreamt it. Perhaps I invented it. Perhaps — but there, where's the use of perhapsing ? But fellows used to wonder, whenever they got talking to Charlie and Artie about fencing or boxing, why the latter used to wink at the former, and burst out laughing, and why the former used to redden up and incontinently change tho subject. And now a little sequel, which may explain the title of this story to those bo dull as not to have seen it long since. On the 14th of February following the incident I have narrated, came to the Torlesse-viow run, addressed to Charles Trehorne, Esq., amongst other letters and packets, an oblong parcel. On being opened it was discovered to contain a wooden box, or rather the two sides and bottom of a box, for it had neither top nor ends. It was a foot long,- four inches wide, and two inches deep, and was made of $-inch Kauri pine. In each of the sides were two diagonal saw cuts running down to the bottom. There was no letter accompanying it, nor any indication of whence it had come. The brothers looked at it long and help- ! lessly. They had never seen anything like it before, and had not the remotest notion what it was nor what it was for. " Well," said Arthur, " this is a rum etart and no mistake. It looks like — ble3s'd if I know what it looks like, or what it means. Have you any idea ? " " Not the slightest." " Let's a3k Jack ; perhaps he knows what it is. Jack ! Jack Frost 1 " Enter Jack, tall of stature, and iarge of limb, as of yore. " Jack, do you know what that thing is ? " " Well, yes ; I've seen one like it in old Flint the carpenter's shop, down in Christchurch. He uses it for sawing the ends of wood into corners." " And what is it. What does he call it ? " " Well, he calls it a Mitre-box, a — " "What?" " ' "A Mitre-box, that's what " " A Mitre-b ha I ha ! ha I ho !ho ! " and Arthur went off into convulsions of laughter. " What the deuce arc you guffawing at ? " asked Charlie tartly, " Where doe 3 the joke come in?" " Why you dear old innocent, don't you see, the bishop, box, Mitre-box ha 1 ha ! ha 1 This is Valentine's day, and the old gentleman has sent you a reminder in the shape of a mi Oh Lord ! Oh Lord ! I shall exploded, ha ! ha 1 ha ! " A faint ripple of amusement stole over Charlie's face as he began to perceive the joke, then it spread, and in a few seconds he was laughing as loudly and as heartily as his brother. But Jack Frost looked from one to the other in amaze, he then looked at the innocent implement, then ho scratched his head, and shaking it ominously turned away to go. Aud that night, over a glass of something hot, Jack, speaking confidently to his crony, Jerry|the cook, grumbled, " There's something a-going to happen on thi<? station, mark my words, something a-going to happen. I've lived on this 'ere place man and boy for a good many 'ears, and I never see nothing like it afore. If they ain't gvowin' cranky, alaughin' like mad over a common in3ignifercant Mitre-box. There, if they ain't a-goin' off their chumps, what is it ? " Jack did not see tho joke. Worthy reader, do you ?