(Continued ) CHAPTER VII.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1920, 25 October 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

(Continued ) CHAPTER VII.

now to emu: iiiguiand girls lo\j; ron The progiesa which Mr. John Brown, Lord Lundy's valet, made on the hoail of Mary Grant gieacly ilattexed that young man, and alaimcd her true and devoted lover, Donald Munro. In order, therefore, to reconquer the fair citadel, the piper resolved ou bringing all his ingenuity and foicea to bear for the consummation o£ that object. However, no feasible aitifice appeared to him, save the one which the leader has ali^ady heard, And which ho hinted to hie young mabtcr the evening of the bonfire. The favorable opportunity for pioseculing his wisbed-for plan at length ai rived. John Biowu, on the other hand, saiMiedin JII3 own mind that hi-j impression on the heart of the pretty, lively Highland girl was quite successful, all he now wished for was an occasional chance of pivjlng her his 1 aspects and enjoying hey pleasant company ; and in order to Accomplish that object, he thought it proper to cultivate Donald Munros friendship and companionship, thiough whom ho expected to be introduced among Mr. McKays servantd, and into bis establishment. In gaining thus the confidence of Munro, on whoso ignorance, a-! ho thought, he could play by making a tool of him, he would liad acceF3 to Miry Grant. The wily pipei, who was not to be caught with chaff, soon perceived the drift 01 thajlunkcy ; however, feigning ignorance and simplicity as to his object, Munro manifested gieat willingness in fonvaidinq Brown's addresses. One day on meeting each other, among other topics discussed beov/een them, Brown hinted that he heard of a brciob, or an illicit whiskey distillery, being cauied on among the hilln, (somewhere near hand. This ivas the very thing which Mu-iro wished for, and answered that he himself wa3 among the few who were privy to the situation of the brews, and, a& a favor, would conduct Brown (who apparently felt very curious to see it) to the secret retreat; and, to make their visit more acceptable to the smugglers, he would bring his pipes, to which thoy were very partial. Brown was in ecstacies at the proposition, and the pair started off. The valet often duiing the journey secretly wished that he had not undertaken ths journey, which was, of course, prosecuted on foot, and which threatened every moment the destruction of his gaudy livery. However, not wishing to show the white feather, or that Donald should have anything discreditable to tell Mary against himself, he strove to follow his agile guide, who sprung from one obstacle to the other like a native mountain deer. The travellers at length cams in sight of the mysterious retreat, which wa3 situated below them in a dell or chasm between two rocks, ] which served aa a natural wall, over which was erected a roof formed of rough timber, and covered over with turf or smiths. A cascade of running water flowed by the end of the building, from which a long wooden trough conducted a constant supply of water to the worm. Clouds of dark 'smoke which issued from the building, hung round the dell, giving it a terrible and forbidding appearance to the eye of the affrighted cockney, who viewed the scene with awe and misgivings, and brought to his mind tales of robbers and banditti, and their wild haunts. Muaro read at a glance the state of his companion's feelings, and saw that his courage began /to fail him. Seeing that his own plans might miscarry were Brown to beat a retreiat, he propped up the latter's pluck with the .following encouraging words — " This looks rather a wild and un- 1 promising place to theleye of a fotranger, but if you once visit it, a/nd become acquainted with the jolly fellows ffiio inhabit it, you will be much pleased, and /also contribute to the many novelties you \have met with in the Highlands, which youfc London acquaintances will, I am Bure, be hafppy to hear when you return." / These words had tb\e desired effect ; Brown's courage and love for novelty at once returned, 1 and he intimated hi fi willingness to descend the dell at once. Dofcald now proposed a plan which would add to /their stock of amusement on coming so far, alter their toil and trouble. This was that, on /neaiing the brews, Brown should enter alone£ while Donald would hide in some cover convenient, and being a stranger and his singular Wivery, lie would be taken by the smugglers forja gauger, which would cause a panio among tlpem, and a hasty retreat of the smugglers, bu» which would be explained afterwards by Dolnald himself who would re\a^ll the fugitives.? v Tiw^wn at onoei entered into the spirit of the lark, \ he termid it, and^both commenced the intiWe descent.

Aecoiding to arrangements, Donald cn.consrd himself behind a tuft of heather contiguous, and Brown advanced towards the abode with an effort and forced consequence ; plucking tin his fast sinking courage, he enttrcd and stood horror struck in the entrance. Ag Munro predicted, the smugglers had already deserted, for the brews was untenanted by any human being. The valet gazed around th 3 wild and novel habitation. A iw of large vata containing some bubbling [liquid stood against the rock or natural wall; a l&rge boiler over a firo occupied one end of the building, and another of a different construction occupied the other. This last boiler or pert had a head on, from which proceeded the woiin which coiled itself down into an upright cask like a, large serpent, aud over •.vnicli a constant supply of water from tho before-mentioned trough flowed. But what fitiiftcfccd tho awe struck and terrified stian^cr, and almost mo .le him beat a haaty letieat, was an enormous black back goat winch stood in the middle of the floor with hia tumble horns, long bsard, and < staring giey eyes, aa it to contest hi 3 entrance. Brown's knees trembled under him on gazing at the animal, which he expected every moment would make a spring at him and to as him on his horns. While thus debating in his own mind whether to letreat or call out to Munio, and as if to finish his career in this life, a sack from behind was slipped over his head and body, and a strong cord, which ran through its mouth, tightened with a jerk round hia legs, upsetting him in an instant, leaving him powerless on the floor at the mercy of the smugglers, who now stuod over him, debating in Gaelic how to dispose of the supervisor, as they imagined him. Whenever the unfoitunate prisoner was able to clear his bieathing organs from the dust and finely cracked malt which fell from tho sack, -he roared out lustily for Munro, expecting every moment to be pitched into one of the toige boilers, ov over a precipice. It must bo here mentioned that, as Munro anticipated, when the smugglers, who were three stout young fellows, perceived^Brown in his strange clothes approaching, they took him, not for a gaugeiv butVa supervisor, or head excise ofiicer. They instantly retreated to the other end of ths^brevra, taking'the sack, which was made for suoh an emergency ; and aa bfown hesitated in the entrance, surveying the inreiior, particularly the pet buck, one of them slipped the sack over his head and body as already mentioned. The question now was how to dispose of him, and as neither of them could understand a word of EnglnbV'muoa' leas the strange noise which issued from the sack (as Brown's dialect was not the most intslligible at the best of times), they interpreted the word Mumo (that name being pronounced in Gaelic liouch) for mo shron, or my nose ; as if the prisoner complained of the maltreatment of his nasal organ; to which they answered, " Ciod as mo viru do shron, na do thou " (what care we for your nose, or nether end), and applying their toes .unmercifully to that delicate part at the sanie time. The unfortunate prisoner now roared out — 11 Am no 'xiseman, 'am his Lodship's mlet 1 " when the last words ware interpreted by them for, Na loisg a whaleid— "Don't burn the wallet "—imagining that he appeared like a wallet while in the sack, and dreading they might throw him into the fire. Thid was answered by " Gha loisgsinse a whaleid aeh bogaidh siiuie i " (We shan't burn the wallet ; but we'll soak her.) This last interpretation brought \ a fit of laughter from Munro, who was peeping thiough a hole at the;atnusing scene, and which betrayedjiis ambush. He soon came to the unlucky Valet's rescue, and saved him fioin a thorough ducking, which his gaoleis were on the eve of putting into execution. On being liberated from his uncomfortable imprisonment, Brown gave vent to a atorm of abuse and threats ot informing against the !imu;^lere, which, it they understood, would have inevitably tempted them to put in force the unphasant piocess of clucking him, not- [ withstanding Munro'a intervention. This fact the latter hinted to the enraged valet, which, for his own safety, silenced him at unce, and order was soon restored between the belligerents, through the able mediation of the piper. A copious supply of the different drinkables which the brews contained was served round, soon changing the offensive propensities of the parties into that of cordiality and good fellowship ; and to crown the amnesty and hilarity, Munro played several lively airs on his pipes, to which the smugglers danced with right good-will, and pressed Brown to join, in order to make up a reel of four, the gloomy dell lesounding'with their isaerry exclamations. Whether it was owing to his heavy potations of drinks beforo now strange to him, or that soruo charm was connected with his wild and novel situation, we cannot say, the valet never felt himself so elated or prone to uncontrolled hilarity. The perspiration streamed down his face with the excitemeu r , and his proficiency in the Highland fhug (under the able tuition of the younger smuggler, or sack inventor, who professed great regard for Brown, and who, by the bye, was a very mischievous person) became every moment more apparent. deigning great regard to Brown (entirely for practising his fun on him) the young [ smuggler, on the plea of wiping the perspiration off the valet's face with his fingers, which were pieviously drawn round the bottom part of the large copper boiler, where a coating of blaok had accumulated irom the smoke of the peat fire ; and never had an actor, when preparing a character in a burlesque or tragedy, delineated such expansive eyebrows, mustachoes curling up the cheeks, imperials down the chin, and a perpendicular stroke down the length of the nose, as the mischievous smuggler had traced on the handsome and clean-shaven face of Mr. Brown, who now more resembled an Italian bandit than Lord Lundy's valet, butler, and body-servant. After the dancing, the company proposed a song, and several Gaelic verses were sung by each of the smugglers, who, in their turn, called on Mr. Brown. A small keg was placed on end at one side of the brews for the accommodation of that gentleman, while the rest ranged themselves immediately opposite, where they were soon treated to a variety of his vocal abilities, and his relish for singing and xoetting his whistle became more and more apparent as he proceeded, which highiy delighted his audience, although the majority of them were ignorant of the meaning of every word that issued from his lips, and, we must confess, it would defy better versed people in the English language to make it out, as his tongue had apparently become much thicker ; the letter R being entirely banished from hia vocabulary, and the V and W having exchanged places. The singer also had a habit of closing hia eyes, to give more pathos to his poetical effusions, and this was accompanied by inclinations of the body forward at the end of each verse. His mixed 'potations now began to show themselves, and Morpheus threatened to close his vocal career, when his voice lowered from its former high key to that of a low cadence resembling the lullabjr of a sleepy mother to her restless babe at midnight. If the smugglers were amusedjiat the comic character before them, there was one tenant j of the brews who did not look on^the painted face of the singer with the same satisfied air. j This was the pet goat. - ] Stepping up quietly, and taking his position immediately before the sleepy Brown, and]

taking every inclination of his {head for a challenge to himself, the buck now returned each of these salutations by bringing hia horns within an inch of tho singer's forehead. At length a heavier and lower lurch forward sucoeeded, when the onraged buck (whoso toraper was raised to its highest pitch) raised himself on his hind legs in that attitude of antagonism peculiar to them when fighting, and coming down with his formidable horns on the unfortunate valet's head, sending him sprawling on the ground roaring oufc "am murdered 1 am murdered 1 " The laughing spectators raised up the fallen hero, and found that no serious damage had been done to his cranium (his hat having fortunately broken tho force of the assailant's blow), the only visible marks being two bump 3 on his forohead. This was, however, sufficient warning for the valet to leave a place where ho would bo liable to receive a repetition of such unwelcome visitations, and a motion for departure was made by himself and Murm?. It was not without a great deal of argument that he could be convinced of his real antagonist, or that it was the buck instead! of one of the party that had committed the assault. After quaffing another cuach as a dcoch-an-dorais the pedestrians again commenced their journoy homewards. They had not, however, gone far when the shades of evening closed around them, adding to Brown's difficulties, and not only leaving his handsome livery in a sorry plight, but his valuable carcase also, and but for his provious potations and the encouraging effects of the ui&gcbcn within him, he would several times have lain do>vn till morning where he fell. Another inducement which cheered him in his perilous and difficult progress, was that Munro intimated that the nearest habitation to them was Mr. McKays, where the pleasure of seeing Mary Grant, and enjoying a jolly evening in her charming company, would be a balm to Mr. Brown's present feeling 3 and distresses, and fully compensate for the difficulties encountered in their rough journey. What surprised the valet more than anything else was that Munro never met with a single fall, and appeared to travel as steady as in daylight on the king's highway. He therefore concluded that Highlanders could see in the dark, like cats or dogs. On their route (which was a short cut) lay a peat moss where turf was being procured, and unluckily they came across a long but narrow pit, brimfull of water, which stretched across their path. Munro intimated'that its breadth was but trifling, and took a short running leap, clearing it at a bound, invited Brown to follow his example. Whether the valet's visionary oigans were at fault, or whether he was unable to accomplish'the feat, we cannot say, but on taking the leap he fell short a foot, and disappeared like a solan goose when diving for fish in the sea. Munro, however, notwithstanding his immoderate fit of merriment, caught the immersed Brown by the hair, and dragged him on Una firmi, where he stood trembling, jumping, and gasping, doubting his own existence. Mr. McKays house was at length gained, and Munro conducted his dripping companion to one of the servant's rooms, where he furnifihed him with a hot oup of toddy and a suit of Highland garb, as a change for his wet livery, and which the piper declared would make a complete conquest on the heart of Mary Grant, who was very partial to the costume. This fact the duped valet had evidence of before, and the effects'/of the last tumbler, which had already the effect of softening his heart towards the fair sex in general, and Mary Grant in particular, he subjected himself to the ordeal of being kilted and sjporraned by the able hands of Munro ; they then adjourned to the servants' hall, where the occupants were ready to receive them to join in a merry reel. The entrance of Brown, and the ridiculous figure he made in his novel garb, caused a taxation on their gravity which they were hardly able to hide. The unfitting coaturae, which was apparently made for a far stouter person, hung round his spare frame in a most clumsy manner, reminding them of a fuathaichc (a cross-stick, with old clothes on) placed in a field to scare crows. The hose were folded round his spare shanks, and strapped round with tho garters, as if bandaged by a surgeon after sustaining a fracture. Brown adyanped towards Mary Grant, grinning, with his still painted countenance, notwithstanding his sousing, and, in a theatrical attitude and low bow, engaged her for a reel, thinking himself quite proficient, after the young smuggler's tuition. The company's merriment now received an addition through the pranks of a young herd boy, who stuck, unperceived, a bladder full of wind on the valet's back when dancing, and [which kept continually bobbing at every movement. | Brown's idea of Highland-fling was to cross his legs as often as possible, and wheel suddenly round. On one of these occasions he had unfortunately crossed them too far, when they did not obey quick enough to time, and his equilibrium being at fault, after the toddy, he came down on the broad of his back on the hard flags, bursting the bladder under him, causing a terrific explosion, which shook the very building, followed by his roaring, " 'Am shot 1 'am shot 1" which was as loud as tho concussion. On being once more placed on his feet, and convinced that a mine had not sprung under him, his agitation was subdued by the party forming themselves into a half-circle round the fire to finish their evening amusement by singing, Donald Munro at the same time bringing to light a couple of bottles of whiskey, which he had carried from the brews, and which never tasted water. These were converted into strong hot toddy, in a large jug, which went rapidly round, the singers moistening their musical organs, and which diffused* lively sensations through their frames. The effect on Brown was apparent by his gallant attentions to the female portion of the company, more especially Mary Grant, who already manifested extraordinary symptoms of the cure of her love for the Englishman, through the efficacy of Munros dose. However, to make it more complete, the piper hinted to her that she was not to spurn the valet's advances this evening, in order to carry on the sport. Thus Mary Grant was obliged to succumb, and bear more of the Englishman's now unwelcome attentions. There was another female among Mr. McKays's domestios who, however, cordially accepted Mr. Brown's gallantry and advances. This was an old maid of some sixty years, of very eccentric notions and disposition. Her name was Mary also ; and to distinguish her i from Mary Grant, she was generally called Mary llhor, or Big Mary — although there was not much difference between them in stature— while thejJatter^was Mary Veg, or Little Mary. Mary Mhor still held many youthful and romantic ideas, which had rather increased than diminished with her years, and felt greatly annoyed at attention being paid, in her presence, to young girls by the men. Thus, on seeing the valet's addresses to Mary Veg, her jealousy became almost uncontrollable, and brought to bear all her youthful fascinations;- (which, to aocounts, she had been gifted with a great share of) to charm the English stranger. A hint to Brown from Mary Veg helped to facilitate this wish, and the vtflet's sight being not of the clearest after the toddy, had not noticed Mary Mhofs wrinkles or defects, and also under the impression that the old maid had , some influence over the young one, or may \ be an aunt, he resolved on gaining her goodwill by paying -great attention to heir. If

Brown, however, had, Mb optics as cleat as usual, and in daylight, we question whether his gallantry towards' Mary Mhor would be carried on with the same zeal. Her occupation in Mr. McKays establishment was that of spinning, and her constant vicinity to the heat of the fire dried up her skin (for flesh she had none) into innumerable wrinkles. The toothache had made ateo a sad havoo among her teeth, leaving but four solitary tusks to tell the woeful tale. Her hair which was once fair, now turned into dirty grey, but was carefully concealed by a close cap and false brown dosan or front locks. She was passionately fond of a Htrong cup of lea, and poople whispered that phe would not refuse a tumbler of toddy. It was between this person and Mary Grant that Brown had taken his ceat in the singing circle, with an arm round the waist of each, and as the songs and toddy went round, the valet's squeezes or hugs became more often and affectionate, but unfortunately not very clear on which side of him the younger or the elder Mary sat ; thus conferring the caresses and whispers which he intended for Mary Yog on Mary Mhor. Matters went on in this way for pome time, until the lights were getting low, and the servants had slipped away one by one to bed, until the vhole, with the exception of the comfortable trio and Munro, were left in their glory. Another break-up was also made by Mary Grant, who had slipped cautiously away on the plea of replenishing the sinking light ; but, instead of doing so, she unluckily extinguished it altogether. Brown made a sad mistake at this time, j being under the impression that the elder Mary was the person who got up, and had put oat the light (as he hinted to her) in order to give him an opportunity. He therefore turned all his attention and affection on Mary Grant (as he supposed), drawing her yielding form towards him, and returning his embraces, throwing her amis round his neck. Mr. Brown was now in the height of happiness; gave vent to an eloquent burst of love for his admired Mary, who acknowledged his vehemence by an affectionate squeeze, and some indistinct whispers in Gaelic, which he called posers. Old Mary, with the effects of toddy and love for the handsome Englishman, imagined her youthful days had returned, and was now in the height oE happiness, although unable to understand a single word of the passionate whispers uttered in her ear. The word poser, however, was quite sufficient, as she thought it related to marriage or posadh ; and hearing it several times mentioned by Brown, she ha' (no doubt but ho was proposing to her, when she answered suddenly, " Posaidh smi phosus da " (Mirry, of course I'll marry you.) Donald Munro and Mary Grant, who were quietly listening to this amusing dialect behind them, could hardly contain their merriment, until at last Morpheuo closed the scene, and the latter couple withdrew from the room, to chat over their own love, and make up for lost time. Mary oonfessed her own foolishness in ever thinking of Brown, or listening to his nonsense, and vowed never more to be carried away by tho flattery or gaudy dress of an English flunkey. Daylight soon warned Donald that it was time to leave, but this time with a double kiss at parting, as a guarantee for future constancy. It was the custom of Bella M'Kay to ri3e eaily in the morning, and take a walk, attended by her maid. The latter now, on Donald's departure, went up to her young mistress's room, and found her already dressed. Passing the servants' hall on their way out, Mary begged of her mistress to enter it for a few Beconds, and that she would behold there a picture which she never before saw rivalled. Conscious that none of the servants were up at that early hour, Bella consented to be led by Mary, curious to see the strange picture ; and sure enough there it sat before her, and only for the duet of snoring which issued from the group, she would hardly have believed her ejes. John Brown, in his misfitting Highland garb, and still carrying strong impressions of the young smuggler's handiwork on his countenance, holding the sunken - eyed and shrivelled form of Mary Mhor in his arms, her skinny, yellow hands affectionately wound round his nock, with her hollow cheek supporting his, and their heads leaning back on their chairs, Mary's toothless gums wide apart ; keeping up a chorus of snoring which almost drew the coals from the fire. Bella could no longer gaze on this singular picture, then made her exit to give vent to her merriment, on seeing which Mary gave vent to hers, being unable to control it any longer, and which awoke Brown. The first object which caught his eyes was the merry countenance of Mary Grant, whom he imagined in his anna, when he turned round his astonished gaze on the form whioh hung so affeotionately in his embrace. What was his horror on beholding, instead of Mary Grant's black ringlets, old Mary's short grey locks, which wero now exposed, her cap and false locks being displaced by his own caresses, and hanging at the back of her head. He sprung to his feet in a fit of rage and disappointment, pitching Mary Mhor on the floor, when she gave vent to yells and shrieks, which soon brought one of the servant men to the scene of disaster, and who soon explained the matter. This man was also an admiror of Mary Grant's, although a discarded lover, and an inveterats rival of hig more successful one, Donald Munro. Having conducted the enraged Brown to his own room, where he returned him his torn livery, and supplied him with water and j towel, and also some information which was not very favorable to Donald Munro. On looking in the glass, and beholding his own painted countenance, Brown's rage knew no bounds, vowing future revenge against the piper, and which were greatly aggravated by the servant's information. (To b$ Continued.)