Humour. Little Johnny.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1863, 14 June 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Humour. Little Johnny.

perd, ' There's a charmer named Spittoon wich lives bout a mile from here, on the Bombs road, and stans to the head of the pfeision. You cant do better than to hire him for to exort jure cobry. He tot me the bizness.' " I ast Uncle Ned wot become of the snake, and he sed, "I sent a note to tho major wich comanded the fort at Brnnbsh askin to let me have a company of sojera, but foro they came a little red headed school teacher wich was the dotter of a mitionary she went in and Mild tho cobry with her slipper." , Jack Brily, wich Is the wicked sailer, he says tha sea serpent is so big it wuld have to be kild that way by a Oakland girl. He said he seen one onca wich was a milo from the head to the tail, and my father he spoke up and sed, " Who had cut it in two?" But Billy he can kill a garter snaka i by taking it by tho tail and snappen off its head like cracken a wip. One time he done it wile ole Gaffer Pet6rs was passn by, and the snakes head it fel rite in tho road fore old Gafferses toes. Ole Gaftor he luked a wile at the snakes head, an the* he luked a wilo up at the clowds, and then he buttond tip hi 3 coat and turned the coller up andspred his umbrelly and wolked on ; but dinging hop todes is the biggest fun which I kanew if you dont get cot at it, and frogs is mity good slinging too if thay wuldent slick out of tho sliug. One day I got a frog in my sling, and jest as I was a goin to wirl it round an give him the biggest jump which he ever took, Miss Binlcß, which is my Sunday-school teacher, she come a long, and she said, Miss Bmks did, " Wy, Johnny, that the way that David laid Gohjah." Then I said, " Yosmom, but Ime real carefle. Then Miss Biuks sho said a other time, " Johnny, lemmo see if I culd cast yuro pebble." I was offie frilen, but I give her the two endiof the sling an tole hsr how to wirl it an let one end go, cos I wanted her to Ihro the frog ten hunderd milion miles out of site. So Miss Binks she got reddy an sed, " Now, Johnny, Imo David, and Missus Doppys barn thore is Golijan, and you ara the Chose People." And when she said that she wirlk but let go to quick an the frog he roled out, but was so sprized ho dident kano wot to do. Then David, wich culdent see much without her spettacles, she said, ," The pebble wich was to gmite the giant has fel down," and won she went to pick it up for to put it back in tho sling it jumped wild, the pebble did, right np Davids sleeve, and you never see seoh a camp meetin in all yure life 1 David she clasped bath hands a eros tho stumk of her belly like it was there which it hurt her, .and run rite over the Chose Peeple into Missus Doppys hous and fainted ded away, and won thay opend her close for to pore cold woter on her, thero set the pebble, and it wank its oy rsal sollem like it said, " I aint feelin very wel this morning, and I guess Golijah will have to excews me." Frenchmans eat frogs, but the American eagle ho sets on the hbm of a blasted pine and screams like he was Injens til the Brittish lion has snook into his hole a whining for God to save his queen. — The Wasp:

I asx Undo Ned did he erer see a snake charmer wile he was in Injy, and he said, " Yes, I had one come to my house one time for to charm a cobry wich was in the bed room and we dassent any of us go in to look for it, cos we was a fraid wo wuld find it. So I sent for a natif nigger wich wa3 a charmer for to come and charm the serpent. The charmer he come and went in the room, and I was so a fraid he wuld get hurt in there by hisself that I wont out side and set on top of a step ladder and watched him threw the windo. First he went to one corner of the room and charmed a wile, an then he charmed in a other, and after a wile he charmed up the chimny, but no snake. Prety sune he set down on his brich clowt and crost his 2 legs- and stuck his head under the bed and began to charm there, and the snake It hit him a pop in the face wich kanocked him clean a cross the room an mity near broke his back. He dragd hissef out dores and was all the colers of tho rain bo in a. minit, *nd then ho sweldup real black, and in haf an hour he was dead a week. Now wot do you spose bis last words was ? " I said I gessed thay was, " Now I lay me down to sleep," but Uncle Ned he said, " No ; jest fore he dide ho drew my head down to hisen and ms-