Little Johnny.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1824, 15 March 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Little Johnny.

One day Mary, that's the house maid, she was sent to Mister Brilys meat shop for to get some meat, and Mary she is sech a fool she never gets wot she is sent for less ifc is rwote down. So mother she rwote on a piece of paper wot Mary was to get, and put it in a nonvlope, and Mary she took her baskit and started. Me an Uncle Ned we was a standing at the gate, and wen Uncle Ned he see the paper he told Mary to let him read ifc, mebby it wasent spelt rite. After he red it he sed : "My girl, you run back and get a bigger basket, this wont hold all that you are to

get." So Mary she went back, and wen she was gon Uncle Ned he spoke up and sed : " Johnny, the aimptoms of the patients has ben mistook and we wil rwrite a new perBciption." So he tore a leaf out of his memory random book and rwote on it an put it in the nonvlope in place of the other paper. Wen Mary come back with a bigger basket Uncle Ned he sed : " The spellin is ol rite Mary, jest as good as Johnny cude do hisself , now run a long, that's a good girl, heres ten cents for yon to buy candy." Wen she had gone he wank his eye and sed : " Johnny, you better go to Mister Brileya too, jest to see that Mary gets wot she is sent for, cos ole Briley hees a cheater." Sp I went after Mary for to see wot w&s up, but Billy he says the hed of a gir&ft is the uppest thing wicn is in the world. Wen Mary

got in the shop she dident say any thing, jest handed tho paper to Mister Briley, wioh cant read and I kanew it. M'stor Briley he got red like beets, and fcurncl the paper over halef a dozzen times, and cofiVl, and blode his nose, and scratch his hed, and after a wile he sed wot was it. Then Mary she sed : '' Plcow, sir, thems the tilings wich I am to

git;." Mister Biiley he sed : " 0 yes, certenly, I knode that before you sed so, cos their names is rwotc down, wot I want to kanow la wich I sliall give you first, cos I aint got my spectacles and cant tel wich is rwate first on the

paper." Then Mary she sed if he pleased it dident make no diference wich he give her first for her basket wude hole it all. Then Mister Briley he sed : " No, come to

think, I sp^se its ol the same." And then he took up the apern he had on the big stumk of his belly, and put a clean one on, and roled up his shirt sleefs, and oleered evry thing off of his meat block, and got a now kanife, and sharped it a long .wile on hi 3 steel, and bimeby he sed : " How, Johnny, a feller cant do 2 things to once, ho you jest take the paper an read off the first thing wich i<s wanted, wile I tackl the caroous and cut it of." So I tuke it an read the top line an it was this: " 1 Hunch of Camel."

Wen I had read it Mister Briley he was so ?prised that he jest stude and luked at me out of his two fat eya like I was a camel my own self in a show. Then he ast would I read it agin, and I done it, and then he sed, " Whoo rwote that paper ?" and Mary she spoke up an said her missus. Then Mister Briley he lay down his kanife, an set down in a chair, an sed : "Go on, Johnny, and read the rest." So I read a other time : "1 Bib-roast of Whale; " 25 lbs. of Alligator Tripe ; " 1 Tiger's Liver ; 41 10 yards of Menagerie Sausage ; " 1 Leg of Elephant."

Wen I had got done readin you never see seen a fewrious man like Mister Briley wos, cos he got up and stomped, and picked up a cleever, and flang it at the cat, and swore like a parrot, I never went to seen a circus, and Mary she cride like she was licked. Bimeby Mister Briley he got com an begun for to whipe his ford, and after a wile he said he bedam. Then after a other wile he sed : "Johnny, haint yure Uncle Edard ben in

Injy ?" Then I said yes, he had, and evry where, and Mister Biiley he said a other time: " I gcs3 yure fokes is xpectin some of his ole frends to dinner." Then I said wot frends did he mean, and he said : " Wy, them heethens in their blindnesses, wich bows down to wooden stone. But you jest tel yure mother this is a Christian butcher shop, wich donfc pel any but moral meats and sossidges." We had sossidges yesterday for breckf as, an Billy he found a bras button and a fether in hisen. Then we ol stopt eating the sossidges, and after breckfas Uncle Ned he took wot was left and tole me an Billy foller him and we would have a militaary funeril. So we done it, and Uncle Ned he carried the sossidges into the back yard and dug a hole an put em in and cuvered up the hole. Then he shot of his pistol over the grave and put a hed board and rwote on a paper and gumd it onto the board and i; is this way : Sacred To the memory of Au Unknown Hero, Dead on the Field of Honor. 1883

Stricken down while leading a forlorn hope against the fortifications of Butohertown, he left his body to the enemy, his name to oblivion and his example to his comrades of the State Militia. Whom the gods love die game.

My father he seen it and he said : '• Edard, it seems to me that if you want to make a clean job of this thing you better gum a simler scription onto the stumks of all our bellys." Uncle Ned he sed : " Yes, I kanow, this fanily is a nashional cemtary, and our stumka is fames eternal campin ground, but it aint best for make the fack public, or we wil have a heap of trouble nex deckorashion day, paiticler the wimmen fokes." Bui if I was a sojer I wudent get kil, coa Ide draw my big soward and cut of all the other sides hods, and say hooray, and then Guvnor Stowman he wude say : " Wot a brafe sojer, make him a Majer Gennle and give him ol the candy which he can eat and fethers like a chicken."