humour.

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1642, 13 January 1883, Page 2 (Supplement)

humour.

jf;\' ".aXtim TO DE POS'OITIOB."' I Owpf the oldest ..sights in the Sotithf is to seethe negroes "hang about the post-offices. They are the first ones to call in thtTmorning, And the last to leave at night, and it is by, no means rare to have them inquire for mail ten or fifteen times a day. I was in' the office at 'Marietta, Ga.,when an aged darkey limped in and inquired : * ; , , ! "Am dar' fo' or five letters heah fur June- | broke Duke,?" « 1■ , . ' ' < i " No, sir/ replied the ■ post-master, after taking ay look.;. \<< , j «miv.< "''WelTden/ril take one> • '^ •j There are no letters for you.", " Isn't dar a newspaper?"' "No." , •• H,asn't I dun,got nuffin' 'tall?" "Not a thing." ' •• Dats curus—werry eurus," muttered,the man as he walked out. ,i,. t • I followed after, and when I asked him if he expected an important letter that day, he replied: " Sartin I does. Dats why I'ze walked fo' miles dis mawnin'." ' '■ '' 11 Where was the letter coming from ?" "Idunno." ( , " Who did you expect to write 5 to you ?" "Idunno,"' " Did you expect news or money in the letter ?" . • "'Deed I did, sah. I 'spected dat 'letter might hab 820 into it." . ! • " Who from ?" •! " Idunno, but I 'spected it." ' He then told me that he could neither read nor write, had no friends to write to, himj had never mailed a letter nor received one in his life, and yet he had enquired for mail,at least 'five hundred times a year for the past ten years. In fact, it wasn't an hour after I left him, before he circled around to the' office again, and said : ; " I reckon I mus' hab some mail by dis time." ' " "(No —nothing for you." " Wall, if dat hain't curus —werry curus! Beckon I'd better wait fur dat 1 o'clock train." Detriot Free Press.

NOT 'VERY MUCH. '' A young man with a nose like a raz6r, and an eye that would have raised a blister on sheet-iron on a hot day, halted a pedestrian on Gratiot avenue', and stated that he was trying to raise money to reach the .bedside of his dying aunt in Chicago. He was too proud to beg, but if the citizen would give him a quarter, he would show him a trick worth five dollars. • • " ' " Vhas ish'dot drick ?" queried the citizqn. " It is to make ten cents go further than a dollar. You can play it on [ the boys, 'and make ten dollars a day." / " My frendt, I nefer Mays mil der poys." " Yes, but you can have lots ,of fun, you know." " I vhas no handt for fun. If I effer git off some shokes I nefer laff." " Yes, but this is something new. When you come down to the grocery of an evening you " " I doan' came down. I vhas home on der stheps all der eafnings." " But you could have a little fun with your neighbours." " I told you I vhas not a funny man. I likes to schmoke, und read der morning bapers. 1' " Well, I don't want to beg, and I am offering you this trick very low, in order to get. home and see my sister die. Have you adying sister ?" "I doan' expect I have. Vhas ish dot dricks?" " To make ten cents go further than a .dollar." " Und vhill she do it ?" " She will." 11 Und five cents goes more ash half a dollar?" " Just so." " Und a cent goes potter ash a dime?" 11 That's the ratio." , " Und nottings at all goes petter ash five cents?" "I—l—l think it does." '" Vhell, you shust consider you haf all der nottings efer was, und you vhill be in Chicago to-morrow! Gif my love to dot dying sister, und tell her dot you saw me well. 'You'd petter git some oxpress waggons to draw" dose nickels down to der railroad, Hnd you, ,look a leedle oudt for some Dutchmans whohas,peen. eating grass und vhas green!" — Detroit, Fn& Press.