Chiffons.

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1636, 30 December 1882, Page 6

Chiffons.

Dubing a grand dinner-party, the waiter spilled the sauce over the dress of one of the guests. The mistress of the house, with a look of reproach at the unhappy victim whose dress was utterly ruined : "It was such a good sauce too 1 Is there enough to go round ? " A favourite baritone was constantly beset by photographers anxious to take his counterfeit presentment in little. These speculative gentlemen, while begging' the favour of a sitting, promised him a certain number of proofs gratis. But, as these promises were never fulfilled, ho determined, in future, to take precautions. He had lafely appeared in L'Africaine, at M — -, a country township. The local photographer come to him with the usual proposition". "Oh 1 I know all about it," says our wideawake baritone; "you don't catch me any more; give me the proofs first — I'll give you the sitting afterwards 1 "

And that reminds us of another photographic story : , One of the largest cheese manufacturers of Eoquefort arrives at Paris wffch his product. He hastens to a photographer to reproduce the simulacra of his immortal merchandise. Eight days afterwards he is shown the proof which, in his opinion, is simply detestable. " Well, monsieur," replies the photographer, " I can't understand it unless — unless the cheese must have moved ! "

Between bohemians : " I'll sell you my pipe for half -a-cr own." "Go to Jericho I it only cost you sixpence." "That is true, but you don't make any allowance for the quantity of tobacco I have consumed in it."

The friend of an author whose last play was stopped by the audience (they had enough of it before the end of the second act), speaking of another play by the same author, just about to be produced/ says : " Oh ! this piece will be more successful still than the last." "Oh 1" responded' a brother scribe, "it will finish, I suppose, before they raise the curtain?"

It was the first time that Calino had visited the Sorborme ; and when he came out he was overwhelmed with the knowledge of the young men, and the ignorance of the fathers, of the present generation. Said he : " There were five old geattemen vritk vrhite iair &p.d green spectacles. A young man of > about seventeen years of age was explaining a lot of things to them. They asked him ihe meaning of a lot of passages in Greek and Latin, which evidently they could not comprehend. Then they asked him questions in geography, physics, algebra ; in fact, the ignorance they displayed so unblu'shingly was shameful. The best of it was that for every piece of information the young man gave them they only said: •It is well, sir ; that will do.' " It strikes me they might have said thank you." f

" You know," said someone to the Marquis de Calinaux, " the poor, Count de Z ? He was very badly hurt while charging a revolver, and they have been obliged to cut his arm off." " Ah 1 mon Dieu, the arm 1" exclaimed the excellent, but somewhat obtuse Marquis.' . . "and the hand?"

Scene : Dog Show. A distinguished looking gentleman, dressed in the latest Hyde-Park fashion, comes to buy a pet dog. _ He is shown several ferocious looking brutes, ornamented with formidable fangs. • " No," says the distinguished stranger, " that is not what I? want." Other dogs are brought for his inspection, still more terrible looking. ", No, no,',' he says again, " I want a little , dog — a poodle, you know— a lap dog," then with a peculiar smile, "but I want him pad.' 5 ' • What ? — hydrophobia 1 why ' Monsieur ?" I' You will understand presently," then, in a mysterious whisper ; " I have a mother-in-law !" Le Figaro. , % . The paintings shown at the last salon in Paris are being returned to the artists.' B, an artist noted for ,the lavish style of his, frames, sees this picture 'arriving' in a peculiar condition : * '« Hullo ! What ! the frame cut in a thousand pieces— bruised — smashed I" , h j'f Ah,' 'monsieur, everyone who" saw, your "picture' thought th& frame was , bo^. beautiful „that they all took away a portion -as a jsoqivenirl" -. >'■,", &

r\Th<s height'df ienderhess : To embrace tlie Jiorizpn. • ■ , gf Husband and wife are Having a slight altercation: V, < >'"i -" ' 'i L I-. 1 ' he,''?' as soon as the law ris > passed^|iaUg§t,a,di,vprceJ^, f , ; • T/ "'So m^hjthebetter,'\rito)rpd madam, '•• I shall marry f agaia, and A .yojijWill regret me I" iV/gjOU^ogxagcpni^ husband wjll haye mpre •r§aB6n;fqr',regrefc l"\ t '- t , ;/ '-. . :i ; , ' 'discussion continues.) ' » / , U2^Bsfe fcfeM^^ux .meets' a mendnnding^m th^park :. '" „1, ■_ ;^ X ,•",-; *