A FRENCH INVANSION.

Waikato Times, Volume XVIII, Issue 1535, 6 May 1882, Page 4

A FRENCH INVANSION.

The following amusing pkit is from the W«W'W* 0«»*f? : 'Jiff fl IWi : J'"> Palais de Buciki^ham;) a Londkes, Avril, 18S8.— Momieni] le Miins'rc dc la Giterrg ft Par.i^— : Mps3JEUß : ,-1^11(^3,, -the di/jtinginsTied lionor ft'address ytiu'a' repqrt'qn the successful invasion of Englagd^hich is at 'this moment an fait aqgoDtpti.^! It,having been resolved, at a cojincil of war on Saturday, in Paris, tljattlie" following,. day sliould.be fixed fqr tUe depart of our Brave troops, the l£)th rof Line, accompanied by myself a^d Etat Major, left; by the Cheniin de, Fer dii Nbrd at 4 a.m. Sunday This hour was chosen that pur troops should arrive,, in. Dover when the English soldiers i-ender their culte Protestant according, to their religion. Thanks to the tunnel, our braves were spared the infliction of the mat dc mcr, and their morale onsettiug fopt on the soil, of " .peurfide Albion" was magnificent. But, mon Dicn ! how triste. .were the streets of Dover as Wjepmarchecl'to the Castle !' Every house sh J ut.' -' No shops opeu, and no one 'out making promenade. We found but little resistance {taut soitpeu) at the barracks.' The Sergeants' Guards were without ammunition in their pouches ; the rule is that soldiers on English service are not trusted with ball cartridges through fear that they might shoot each other. This ordannance does not apply to Ireland, where the troops carry dcs cartouches Vukhshot {plomb a eluuscr) for supplying •whotf-the'y call the Put au feu (Irish stew.)' Church service over, the regi-, ments found their arms had been seized and the magazines all taken possession of. ■ • Meanwhile, the second train having arrived, I sent the Dover garrison by it back to Calais as a precautionary measure. A reconnoitering party dispatched to Shorncliffe found it in possession of a corporal's guard, all the spare troops having gone to quell the Irish rebellion, which now is raging fiercely. With my staff, having lunched at the officers' mess {table dliotedcH qffioen), we presented ourselves at the railway station. There wefound the trains ran not on Sundays, and with difficulty pot an onv) in' mfr/micicn to conduct our train to Londres. We arrived at 4 p.m., and in verity it is a city of the dead ; silent, gloomy, sombre and assommant. No enfes open, no museums — ricn dc nen—swwt dps Eglisos et le publique house ! Next month they say there will be much gaiety when the English Carnival commence* with May's meetings in the Halles d'Kxeter. AW> rcrrotis. At the garc Charing Cross I ordered my braves to have served to them as consummation a half-litre of portare-biere, but the cabaretiers refused, Saying; "Parceque e'est Sunday!"' Grand Dieu ! Why cannot one haye 1 a grand thirst le Dimanche? The tricolor now floats over Buckingham Palace. The populace of late have seen <-o seldom the Royal Standard there th.it the novelty excites no comment. The garrison of London need not be counted. A company of guards {Irs Co/d-nrtim), loft to guard the Bank of England, lipvc been relieved of their duties, and sent by the morning mail to Arras. The second and third rcsenes of the Aiiiipc Anglar-c, called Milico and Volontaiic^, fiic without effects. For ytais about to arm them with Martini instead of Enfield rifles, Government had ceased for long to m.inufac'mc ammunition for them adapted for the latter arm. Men and rifles aie piactically useless. The population have fraternized. The men are not so much as /<■•> bdli s Mn't An(/Inissif, whoaie an inivo with our bmves. The West-end swells (nommeux dv Quartier l'Ouest) affect indiffeicnco to our ocuipiition, and utter sonic crt/of liefat rcn-dei-ed by " trop, trop, ettounant." Too, too utter, they call it. The only two Gcucials in the English in my at con foreign service in Ireland, tiying to suppress the lcbellion. Sir Wolsely ia beleaguering Londonderry — thcMetzof lieland—wlicH'in Moiisieur Kvart Gladstone, as President of Hornet,' Rule party (uiix qttt dement gouvoner ches cit.) ), is, shut up. Sir lloberts attacks Field Marshal Biggar, without success, at Bally-na-gittheruui, while a large American contingent is expected to land to-morrow. I have no fear ot our ultimate success. Danger ousts not, save from the disaffected our population in the arrandhoncnt of Soho, wheic I have established a guaid and pntiol to maintain order. Kindly pray the M inistcr of Public Instruction to send over the Comedie Francaise to keep up the espiit (spirit) of our troops. There is no dclassemcnt in London, except Chamber of Horrors and churches. Sii Biadlaugh, Prime Minister of England, and hi& Mcuetaiy, Loid Jo Chamberlain, have called and given up the keys of the tower, where the Crown Jewels are kept. The Prime Minister has taken the oath of allegiance to the K6publique Francaise. De Chaxzv, General in Commaxu. P.S. — The beds in the palace are not well aired, through want ot being occupied. lam advised to go to some a\ clle&tablished hotel.

For general pui poses on the farm, castor oil, with a little kcioocnc added, i& the best lubricator and pi e«crvcr. Foi saws, mowers, buggies, &c, it furnishes more body with less gum than most oil. The amount of kerosene, if any, to be added, must be governed by the pin pose for which it is designed. "Shodld a man shave up or down?" asked Augustus. " That depends," replied the l.arber. "When T shave you, for instance, I always shave down."' 'The emphasis on that last woixl nearly broke Augustus's heart. ' Tiik fashionable novelties in gentlemen's neck -wear for the coining Reason are somewhat violent in pattern and sanguinary in hue. They make a fellow look as if he had just been guillotined and had his head fasteued on again. Dittoes of an EiUTon.-The duties and labours of the newspaper editor are seldom estimated at their fuli The editor of a New York paper Inn been disabusing a young aspirant on this point. This young man viote thab he ■wanted to become an editor, and this was the reply that he got :—" Canst thou draw up a leviathan, with a hook thou lettcst down ? Canst thou hook up great ideas from the depths of thine intellect, and clean, scale, and fry them, at five minutes' notice ? Canst thou wiite editorials as they may be wanted — to measure ? Canst thou write an editorial to fit in a three-quarter column of the paper, which shall have tluce inches of fine sentiment lour inches tiom the boginning, nine inches of humour in the middle, and an outburst of maxim and precept nine and three-quarter inches long at the close ?' Highly Elkvatj:d. — One fine moonlight night a Kilncomark fanner setting homeward from Bimhill, where lie had sat too long and drank too deep, had reached the burn near his own house. Attempting to cross it by the stepping stones — to effect which in safety required a steadier head than John's was— he jnissed one stone and came down splash Into \he burn. Unable to raise himself beyond his -hands and knees, he looked /lown into, the clear water iii which the moon was reflected, whtye the water 'Streamed from his hair. At last he began (.to'ehputto his wife, 'fMarget ! Marget !" 'Thigoocl.womari, hearing his cry, ran out, exclaiming " Oh, ' John, is , that . you ? Whar are ye, John ?" •.' JVhar am' If" he rejoined; "I dinnaken, but I see I'm far afiune the raime. "— Scotch Folk, i i