ECHOES FROM THE CAFE:

Waikato Times, Volume XV, Issue 1271, 21 August 1880, Page 2

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE:

There was a very interesting discussion in Parliament the other evening about that " honoioarum," as one of Mr Tolo'a aristocratic constituents called it, when Mr Seddon's Payment of Members Bill was being considered in committee. Mr Shepherd moved that the amount be reduced from £210 to £105, and by so doing brought down on his. devoted head a perfect storm of abuse from the members of the great Liberal party, while Mr Swanson supported the amendment, saying that there were as good members in the House when the honorarium was £105 as there are now that it is £210. Mr Swanson told the truth, but I would put the case rather more strongly, and have no hesitation in saying that there are worse men in the House now than there were when members received only £105. There are now too many who go iv merely for the "loaves and fishes." However, the blame for this state of affairs should be laid on the proper shoulders, those of the electors — the " silly fools " who elect such members, as Mr Lu»don called them. A very amusing little incident is reported from Gisborne. A Maori prisoner escaped from the gaol there, leaving behind him a letter to the effect that he had left the gaol because the accommodation was not satisfactory, but that as soon as a proper supply of food and blankets was provided he would give himself up. I suppose the quantity must have been insufficient, for I do not think a Maori would complain of the quality, unless, perhaps, he missed some of the delicacies to which he had been accustomed — dried shark, rotten maize, and roast missionary thrown in as an extra tit-bit The gaol at Gisborne cannot be so well managed as that at Dunedin used to be in the early dayn, when the prisoners were so h<ippy and contented that they had no wish to leave. Iv tho*-e " good old days " the prisoners used to be allowed to go to the races, but only on the distinct understanding that they were to be back again by 9 o'clock or they would be locked out. It is said that only on one occasion was thoie a, prisoner locked out, ami he was a man whose time had almost expired, so he ran away in order to obcain a longer term of imprisonment. It is to be hoped that ho was successful in obtaining his very laudable object, but the historian sayeth not. Some one baa discovered a herb, by the use of which any one can put himself into a trance,which will last until another herb is applied. I consider this a very valuable discovery. Let us suppose I OWG a man a £100, not a large sum to certain perple, but a considerable amount for a poor newspaper writer like me to owe. I give a promirsory note for the amount, but when the note is almost due I find that through money I have expended not coming to hand, I am not able to meet it. The clay before the bill is due I take a dose of the herb, and go off into a trance. My wife immediately sends a notice of my death to the newspaper. A day or two afterwards hhe re eives a kind letter from the proprietors of the Waikato Times, expressing their deep regret -and sympathy and telling her that, as they know that a little ready money is always acceptable at such a time, they beg her acceptance of the enclosed cheque for £100, in acknowledgment of t'.ie services of the "dear departed." My wife immediately applies the antidote, I recover, and then she writes a grateful letter to the proprietois of the Times, telling them that her b> loved husband has returned from the dead. Yes ! thaL herb is a priceless boon to the human iace. There has been a great row in St. Pauls Choir, of which the Hi raid gives a'garbled account, and then had to withdraw. As I happen to know the whole story I will give the readers of the Waikato Times the benefit of it, hoping it will be a warning to any of them who are or may become members of to avoid such unseemly quarrels. The parishoners of »St. Paul's decided to build a new parsonage, i % nd it was full time, as the old one was a disgrace to them. It has been built but not paid for, so it was decided to have a concert to raise the funds. The elioir took up the project con a more, and began ;o practise. Mr Swallow, the organist, said that, as he was a professional mu'-iciau, he should expect to be paid for his services. That was considered only right, so he was told that he would receive £5. A Mr Wilson, also a professional, and a much poorer man than Mr Swallow, i.s a member of the choir, so Mr Swallow said he would give him half of the £o he was to receive. Mrs Nelson, the wife of the clergyman of the parish, who is also a member of the choir, said that she objected to Mr Wilson being paid, and that, if he were, she would leive the choir. A day or two afterwards, a letter signed by eleven members of th • choir, in which they expressed n hope that .she would do as she hal said — leave the choir — was sent to Mrs Nelson. On the next practise evening Mr Nelson stood at the door of tho Church, and, as those who had signed th» letter to Mrs Nelson entered, told them that their services were no longer required. They took no notice of him, but went into the Church and asked Mr Gordon Gooch, the choir master, if he wished to dUpense with their services, lie told them he did not, and r^que-ted them io take their seats, which they did. Mr Xelvm then walked u\> tho aisle, stood in front of the choir, and *aid he had been most grossly insulted. As the right of admitting to, and excluding f 10m, the choir, i« tho prerogative of the clergyman, he, of course, objected to his orders beiug disobeyed. When Mr Swallow, the organist, heard Mr NeLon speaking he turned round from the organ and acciNod Mr Nelson of having insulted him, and threatened to take him by the "scruff of the neck and kick him out of tho Church." Ofcour.se, such ungentlemanly language could not bo tolerated, so Mr Swallow will have to leave. This disgraceful scene was the consequence of Mrs Nelson being ignorant, or oblivious, of the fact that dictation is very good for children, but that grown men and women will not tolerate it, unless they are anxious to becomo school-teachers. One of the latest absurdities proposed in the House is Mr De Latour's Law Practitioners' A t Amendment Act, the object of which is to make attending as a member ot the House of Representa tives for three years a qualification to be admitted as a solicitor. Shades of Blackstone ! If this " littla bill" were carried any man who wished to be a solicitor, and was too stupid or too lazy to go through the prescribed examinations, and could gammon a constituency into electing him, would, instead of serving three or five years in a solicitor's office without pay, as now, reeceive 200 guineas per annum (less 10 per cent, in hard times), and q et the right to rob his fel-low-man legally, without having to work for it. No thank you, Mr De Latour. Thero are already the usual percentage of black sheep in the legal flock, and we do not wish the number increased by the admission of any of the great Liberal party. The other Sunday the clergyman of a suburban Anglican Church astonished his hearers at the raorning service by reading tho collects for the evening, instead of those for the morning. Just fa*cy a man standing in the full blaze of mid-clay sunshine and reading the collect, beginning, " Lighten our darkness." It &eems too absurd, but it is a. fact. S n , Musa«.