MARK TWAIN AND THE PRESIDENCY.

Waikato Times, Volume XIII, Issue 1168, 20 December 1879, Page 5 (Supplement)

MARK TWAIN AND THE PRESIDENCY.

Mark Twain has just published the following "open latter" to his countrymen " of either or any party" :— " I have preUy much made up my mind to ruu for President. What the country wanba is a candidate who cannot ba injured hy investigation of his past history, so thai; the enemies of the party will b3 unable to rake up anything against him that nobody ever heard of bifox'o. If yon know the worst about a candidate to begin with, every attempt to spring things on him will be checkmated. Now, 1 aoa going to enter She held with an open record. lam going to ovvu up in advance to all the wickednesj I have done, and if any Congressional committee is *3e a posed to prowl arouni my biography in the hope of discovering any dark and deadly deed that I have secreted, why— lei it prowl. In the first pUce, I admit th.it 1 treed a rhumaticgrandfaiher oE mine in the winter of 1850. He was old and in&xpert in climbing trees, but with (he heartless brufca^iuy that is characteristic of me I iuq him out of the front door in his night-shirt at the point of a shot-gun and caused him to bow! up a maple tree he remained all night, while I emptel shot into his legs. I did this because he snored. I will do it again if ever I have another grandfather. I «m as inhuman now as I was in 1850. I candidiy acknoledge that I ran away at tho battle of Gettysburg. My friends have tried to smooth over this fact by asserting that I did so for the purpose of imitating Washhingtou, who went into the woods at Vallay Forge for the purpose of saying his prayers. It was a. miserable Bubfeerfudge, X struck out in arraign ti liae fur

the Tropic of Can. er because I was scared. 1 wanted my country saved, bu I preferred to have somebody ehe save ifc I entertain that preferatco yet. If the bubble reputation can only be obtained at the cannon's mouth, 1 am willing 6o go there for it, providod the cannon is empty. If it is loaded, my immortal and inflexable purpose is to get over tho fence and go home. My invariable practice in war has been to bring out two-thirds more men than when I went in. Chia seem 3 to me to be Napoleonic oa its grandeur. My financial views are of the moat decided character, but they are not likely, perhaps, to increase my popularity vwth advocates of inflation. Ido not insist on special supremacy of rag money or li'>r*l money. r ihe great fundamental principle of my life is to take any kind I can get. The rumor that I buried a dead aunt under my grape vine was correct. The viue needed fertilisiog, my auut had to be buried, and I dedicated her fco this high puroo36. Does that unfit me for the Presidency ? The Constitution of our country does not say so. No other citizen was considered unworthy of thi3 office because he^euriched his grape vines with bis dead relatives. Why shouH I be selected as the first victim of an absurd prejudice ? I admit also that I am not a friend of the po^r man. I regard the poor man, in hi3 present condition, as so much wasted raw material. Cub up and properly canned, he might be made .useful to fatten the natives of tho OaDnibil Clauds, and to improve our exporrt trade with that region. I shall recommend legislation on that subject in my first measag?. My campaign cry will be : Desicr.itq the poor working man; stuff him into smaages. These are a'toufc tho worst parls of my record. On them I come before the country. If my country don't want me I'll go back again. But I recommend myae'f as a safe. man —a man who sta-ts from the basis of total depravity and who purposes to be fiendish to the last.