NOT A SHOESTRING.

Waikato Times, Volume XIII, Issue 1141, 18 October 1879, Page 1 (Supplement)

NOT A SHOESTRING.

There aro shoestrings practical and orn amental, real and figurative The real article has caused trouble before now ; passion and profanity even, over so slight a matter as a broken shoestring. But it was a figurative shoestring that stirred a Missouri woman's wrath to the fighting point. A young woman was slamming the cookery utensils and knocking things generally in a way that women have when something is wrong. It was in the midst of this that she stepped upon the unsuspecting cat with a vigor that caused that feline friend of the family to yell out with pain, then to spring into the old lady's lap, upsetting her nerves and her knitting. The old man woke up with a start, dropping his pipe. The pipe broke, of course, as pipes will. '.\ shoestring ! a shoestring- !' said that young woman, as she banged the teei-cattle on the stove, upsetting the covers, spilling the water, and causing the terrified cat to jump from the maternal lap to the paternal. ' Dang it, Sarah Jane, why dont yon take off them shoes and go it bar'foot ? And shoestrings — why, thar'a nigh a whole sheepskin round somewhars, and you just cut shoestring aplenty.' This was the fatherly advice. • Pop,' said the excited daughter, ' what's the very meanest name agoin' "i what's the most low-down name you ever got ?' ' Ralely, Sarah Jane, I disremember now all the bad names I ever heerd; but yer mother — as ye're hearn yerself — Is mighty likely to call folks — that's me, yer father — durned mean skunks when she's mad.' ' Nobody never called you a shoestring, I reckon, Pop ?' ' Did yer mother call you that V 'i>o, I never,' protested the old lady. ' Come in Jeems, take a chair and sit down,' was the old man's salutation io a young mau generally recognised as ' Sarah Jane's young mau. 1 He did come in, and was in the act of bitting down as invited when the young lady made a. demonstration with a teakettle of hot water. ' Say, dout ! that water is hot.' ' I know it,' she answered, but did not stop. There was a general commotion for a fe»v seconds^ or while the hot water lasted. 'Ar' you ready to apologise ?' she demanded. ' What fur ? — I hain't done nothing.' ' Haint done nothing !' didn't j'ou go and tell viss Perego's hired girl that I was a shoestring 1 , that's what I want to know V and she flourished the tea-kettle as though it was full of hot water. Jeems, you'd best apologise,' urged the old man.' Jeems looked at the tea kettle and thought so too. I never said it, Sarah Jane, never ; but if I did, I tak3 it all back. If ye want me too, I'm willing to stand right up and take my Bible oath that you are no shoestring, Sarah Jane , you're a whole-souled tanyard, there I'— 1 Danbury News.'