JUSTICE IN A QUANDARY.

Waikato Times, Volume XIII, Issue 1141, 18 October 1879, Page 1 (Supplement)

JUSTICE IN A QUANDARY.

HOW THE CHAXOKS ON " SLANG " PUZZLED THE JEFPEKSON MARKET MAGISTRATE. The envoy that came from Patsy Bums' saloon yesterday to get us a warrant for proprietor was hoarse, squat, and bullnecked. He leaned across the bar of the Jefferson Market Court, and whispered confidentially: — 'Say, Judge, Patsy Bums wants to shut down on a kid that's been skinning him.' 'A kid! skinning him? Impossible,' Baid his Honor. * Where is the animal ?' * He' 8 a young 1 rooster,' the applicant went on, * what dishes out the booze in Patsy's drum.' 'His Honor looked perplexed. 'Oh, it's poultry you're complaining about,' lie remarked. ' I thought you said it was ii kid just now. Well, what of the rooster 'r The applicant took a good long- look at his Honor, and tumbled his hat liuiug nervously. Then he began again with an siir passive, but reproacef ul. • Say, Jedge, don't you play me. I'm givm' it to you straight ; honor bright, t'atsy feels dead sore over the thing and wants the young terrier hauled up before you.' The Judge dropped his eyeglasses helplessly. ' Look here, my friend, ' he blurted out, ' if you come here to complain about ii whole menageri, say so ; but this parade af nosh uud fowl is tlistracting. Lot us understand caeh other. Kid, rooster, or log — is Patsy's trouble with one or all ?' The api'licant looked about him hopelessly. Then he said : — ' Jedge, this looks like a dead open and shut. You don't seem to tumble me at nil. Here's the scheme. There's a jigger behind Patsy's bar that's crooked, and he wants him taken in. Seo '? 'Oh', Patsy has a saloon. It is the person who dispenses the beverages he has trouble with.' 'That's the racket, Jedge,' aud the applicant stamped with delight. ' You've »ot it dead to rights. You see, Patsy sets this bloke in his shebang and sending along the old stuff, and everything goes huukee-doree till he sees his nibs sporting ii super and togged out to the Queen's taste. Well, Patsy's pooty fly, he is, and he dropped to the caper. So he spotted tho feller, and to-day he catched him working the damper.' ' Working the damper V ' Yes, collaring tho boodle.' ' Collaring tho . Now, friend, for Heaven's sake, be explicit,' his Honor moaned. ' What do you mean ? ' The applicant turned the quid in his mouth over and over again, dispondeutly, but made no reply. At last he blurted out in despair — ' Hang it, Judge. It's clear enough. Be was tapping the till.' ' Tapping the till ? ' and his Honor paused to reflect. Then his face brightened up. ' h, I sec,' ho said. 'He was appropriating tbo reucipts to hi* own use in tue proprietor's absence.' 1 That's the talk,' roared the applicant. ' Appiopi'ititju' the receipts in the g'o. ! You've £ot it down flue, Jedge, That's '

j what tke codger did— appropriated Patsy 1 Burn's receipts. So Patsy sent me round to see if yon wouldn't give him the collar , and make him produce. Hg's a bad lot, I he is, and you ought to give him a stretch.' ' What ? ' cried his Honor, ' would you bo so barbarous as to have me hang the man ?' ' Who's talkin' ©f hanging,' asked the other. ' What I said is, he ought to get a nip.' ' Get a nip ? ' ' Yes ; go up the river.' ' I see, I see,' groaned the Justice. 'Go to Sing Sing. My friend, we will try to accommodate you. But this conversation is trying to a man of my constitution. Go to Patsy Burns, I beg you. Tell him to bring his grievance here in person, and for Heaven's sake let him' bring a little of the vernacular along.' The applicant bowed his head sullenly. ' Maybe you're right, Jedge,' said he, ' an' maybe you ain't, but it does seem rough on a citizen and taxpayer if he can't get justice unless he's swallowed a lore dictionaiy and crammed down jawbreakers fit to burst him. So long, and he stalked gloomily away in quest of Patsy Burns. — ' New York Herald.'