FEATHERS AND CHAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 765, 12 May 1877, Page 2

FEATHERS AND CHAFE.

(Prom an Auckland Correspondent.) ah APOLoay. Isuppose I owe your readers an apology tor having been idle for some little time past. Well, nothing is easier. The fact is, the extraordinary efforts of genius which I had put forth in my recent contributions had somewhat exhausted me, and a rest was needed. People caa'c produce brilliant things by 1 wish they could. 1 trust this explanation will be satisfactory. WTESABI AMBiUTIBS. The Potlsville style of literature is in full swing in We.lingtoa. The editors of the rival * Masterton News Letter ' and the Oppofition ' itfews '. are at War, and the contest is full of direful sound and fury. The '.News Letter ' says the rival journal is full of ' the vile scum of a rotten brain,' and the other expresses a devout hops that his conteinporary will shortly maie the acquaintance of a horsewhip. J&eally, if the two worthies should fall to whipping each other, no one will grieve. HIGHWAY. AND OJTWri AMENIIIIS. The local government Acts, of last session have done some good serrice to the country; they hare served to relieve the tedium- of life in the country districts, and have deve oped a species of grim humour eeen amongst the usually taciturn and serious-minded farmers. The f>e.ds alone have afforded no ond of amusement. The Patea County has udjpted a gorgeous uffair i:i the Homeric style of art, with charioteers, prancing steeds, human corpses, and classic mottos. ~En ■passant, the mangled corpses are imp . posed to represent the condition of the ratepayers at some stage. The Vincent County went in lor a design representing a voracious pike, with the motto ' haec hoc signa Vincent,' but the Chairman objected, and the thing was rejected. At Tuapeka they adopted a seal with the Goddess of Justice—a rather virginly looking lady—but by some oversight her eyes were not bandaged. The scales which she holds are not even, however, for ono of them, on the side of which a squatter is represented, is lower than the oih9r, where a poor Cockatoo settler stands -disconsolately. At Akaroa, it was found, after the seal had been engraved, that there was an error in the Luiu motto that made nonsense of the thing, and the Council got to high words* over the mistake. At Westland, in the discussion over the design for a seal, two worthies, named Seddon and M'Whirter, had a fair stand-up fight, and shied inkstands and other missiles about. But it is not only the seals which create fun. At Waipukurau, a voter named Hobin was deecribed in the electoral roll as Obin, and his vote was rejected because, as the returning offber put it, ' his name was spelt with a Ao instead of a haitch." This reminds one of the joke perpetrated in the House last session, in a discussion on the Christchurch - Hokitika road. Billy fiowe sarcastically remarked that if the votes of all these roads were passed, he ' had another road in his hcye,' whereupon a Southern member excltdmed—- ' There really seems to be no end of these high roads.' JAM TAKTS. "No personalities, mind. I simply want to show what curious typographical blunders sometimos occur in tHe newspapers. In a programme of a concert recently published in an Auckland newspaper, ' Hed as the rose is she ' was tran.sfor.ned by some mischievous printer

into ' Sod in the nose is she;' it was announced from tha stage that the lady who was down in the programme to sing a.rtill more-'comical blander in th e same page, .where * (jloodibye, swieethear t, goodhyphywas tsrb good-bye.J 'There has been an additlon to the raqks fat the disciples of laaak Wjdton at the: Qttoon-street: Wharf, and he'is a' printer. '■■■*;

?HB BPIBrir<MHDHJM.

There is a Sp^tfMedium in Anokland, and his name is Walker. If it i ßa 't soon ■Walker in another tense, the police are l l^? 1 / to Beek »«» introduction to him. He pretends to g*o into a kind of trance, and avows that he is inspired by spirits, which is, after all, a very' common-place affair. He gave a lecture, and raised the wind-to the' tune of about £ls; and, as he finds some aoffc.headed folks here, who style themselrea Bpiritnalists, to board and lodge bits free, he didn't do so'badly f»r oho night's wdrk. ; Owing to a dark hint thrown ont by Mr Justioe Gil lies at that meeting, of' ulterior proceedings, he has since {given' private seances, free, ad- * mission by ticket only, and at the conelusion, the hat is sent round. Walker pretends to be inspired by. the spirit of the Rev. fctfJßwatty who speaks] execrable Englishj," defies Lindley and speuks; of 'vter-yuth,* particular, and so forth. Whenever you 'put a poser to Walker, he tells you ' the conditions isn't favourable.' There really appears to be no end to the gullability of some people. I believe he means to pay you a visit, and ; as you .arenas a, community, aome.J what partial to spirits, "especially of ther genuine sort, he will find himself in a congenial sphere.

im* was;

There was a,story that recently went the round of the papers, that Mr GHadstone was so incensed against the Ottoman P./wer that he had refused to "help Turkey at his dinners. But, in order to shew to what a,pitch .the. feeling has risen in England, I must tell you what happened at a ball given by the Prince of Wales. M'usurus Pasha had lost his wife—l mean his favourite spouse—a few days before, and, therefore, he was obliged to take Mrs Muiurus No. 2. He, being the senior Ambassador, she claimed precedence over the wifo of the Russian representative, and there was a nice little scene. Whether the chignons and turbans were damaged, my informant does not say, hut there was a fine to do, and our good Queen had to act as mediator between the belligerents. It was found that, according to strict ettiquette, the .Russian lady was.in the right; but the Turkish belle was mollified by receiving a special invitation to spend a week at Windsor.

A MOBESBD VIOTPALLBR IK TROUBLE.

Our old friend Perkins baa been in the hands .of the Philistines, and has come ont rather the worse for wear. He was engaged in his .Royal Dispensary in Vulcan Avenue—formerly lane—when a burly fellow named Nolan came in, and offered to bet him five shillings that he'd drink half-a-bottle of whisky without stopping to take breath. Perkins said, he did not object to the man trying the experiment, provided he paid in advance for the liquor, whereat the stranger grew wrath, and suddenly raibiug an arm, caused Perkins to perceive sundry and many Btellar appearances. Constables came, and the intruder was removed to the Police fetation, where he was yesterday fined for drunkenness. ••> Perkins has been Sued also —he fiuds he has about as lively a black eye as you could hnd in a days walk.- Did it ever Btrike you, by the way, that the fashion of wearing black eyos has almost fallen into disuse. People don't settle their differences that way nowadays, they bring actions for libel, and assault and battery. Look at Jem Mace!' Actually reduced to doing statueaques in theatres. If one of the pugilists of the old school could but come out of his grave ,to witness the natnby pamby exhibitions of Mace, how bis soul would abhor them, and with what lofty contempt whould he regard the degeneracy of the present day.