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The Editor's Table.

"Behold! I am but a ga&erer of othtr men's stuff." — BuaiOK't "Anatom* o» Melancholy." Rsader, did you erer see an editor^ table after <&* rece ip t of an unusually heavy mail? Did you erer wonder how that eonfued pile of letters, >ortp , t pr i ntt .d matter, that omnium yatherurJof hterary curio.itiet, wm to be reduced to order and form ? Did you .ter reflect on the thousand an-J one trifles that go to raak. up tbe prints _»heet that is laid on yow breakfast table ? Did you ever — but enoufh !— I think I hear the reader exclaim— " IJo', I never !" Here lam this morning with aokaotio mati of written and printed matter before mfl, and two or three youthful student* of the art of typography bavrhng at mr elbow f.>r '"Copy !" Who wus it that first dubbed them "devils?" A learned lexicographer says the epithet was suggested by their blackened and grimy appearauce. An old Engheh author tel!« us : — " A clerk there was of Oxenford alto, Ha oude songea make and well endito, ii nd y won of ye prynteurs to him doth go— iul black he was as any wynter nyght, And maketh hym from his place to »t?rte, For that it was ye devil ther he wight." But with all respect to the lexicographer and ttw» Antediluvian old fogay who wrote the above verse, I beg to offer another theory. Aly conviction i* that the term " devil," was first applied by some unfortunate elitor who suffered the toimentg of the condemned from the importunities of one ef those ink-stainedimps, just about that awful hour "when cburahjards j*wn and grayes giro up their dead." But lam reminded that thi table must be cleared. Here are long letters for the " Open Column," half smothered beneath a huge pile of newspaper exchanges ; a mass of Parliamentary Paper*; four lengthy estxy* oa various subjects ; several complaints from discontented subscribers ; a oonfmed jumble of scraps, scissored out of the last batch of exchanges ; two enormous carrots, cent us as a specimen from *n agricultural admirer at Te Awamutu ; several perfumed envelopes, containing verses by young lad.es, for our "Original Poetry" column; a green liz ird, blinking dreamily out of a pickle bottle j a few tokens of e»teem from thoughtful tradesmen ; tbe remnants of a saturnalian feast, held bv the aforesaid "typos" in sanctum, about the small hours; two or three goutylooking old pens, protruding out of a mass of M.S.S. ; an ink-spattered bottle, and— as oar local Georgo Jlobins would say— "a variety of other articles too numerous to mention." Metaphorically tucking up cur *lee»e*, we attack the pile. Af ny minutes' work reduces the various materials to something like order. The green lizard it consigned to his accustomed corner, artistically selected with a view to attract the observation of casual visitors. The two big carrots are destined to f >rin one of the dishes at the next frugal meal. Now for the correspondence. Here is a brief eapiatle from Joe Stiggins, which runneth as follows :—: — " Mister, hedittor, Deer« sur, mi Hors hay got staggurs bad, Kan yu giv I a Kure for un. Yures to coinand Joe Stiggins" — Well, Joe, the best specific fora stig^ermg horse 1* a Veterinary Surgeon, but, it you can't liud one in your neighbourhood, prop the animal up until you can. And, Joseph, neit time you write put one of Her Majesty* images on tho envelope It nves a world of trouble, Joe, and is calculated to inspire loyalty. The ncit letter commence! :—: — "Sir, Being a 'Constant Subscriber 5 to yaur valuable and widely circulated journal"~&,.-., and then launches into a long-winded attack ou a neighbour wh se guat makes preJatory risiti to the writer's c&bbtige gurden. Ndw look here "Oonstunt Subscriber," rexfc time you write di*pe!)B© wnh flattery and co straight to the point. We know jou "0. S." we've had too much of humbuga like you m our time, Whenever you want to foiot upon us one of your 'lieiry lo.i^'-wmidd effusions, 0. S. you always su^ar over tho unpalatable nboimna'ion with CJinjJiments. Iho next is a B'udeut uf the clnssies. Ho begins thus : — "Sir, it 19 r^-lat^d of Achilles that wtien an infant he was lunged by his nuthjr into tho Styx, and maile mvuluerable, except in th« heel, by whir'h sho he'd him. ila went to Troy with an invalnerab.e euit. of armour maie by Vulcan" — &c. Bother Achilles, and blow VulcaaJ Read this :—: — Whatever you have to say, my friend, Whether wit'y, or grave, or gay, Condense as much as evsr you can, And express in the readiest way ; And whether you write of rural affairi Or of matter* and th-ngs in town, Just take a noid of friendly advice Boil it down. Here Mr enters hurriel'y and having leisurely settled himself in a seat, and placed his elbows en the table, hegs to draw oar careful atten'ior. to cla'Hfi, 21, 27, 28, 56, 90, 94, 108, 201, 21G, 290, and 270 of the Locml Government Bill, which he proceeds to r<md, pronouncing each word with aggn»T*tin£ sentcntiousness, and lingering with eickemng affection over "aforesaid," "hereafter," " hereinafter," and so iorth. An hour consumed in this exhiteratmg and instructive exerciee sharpens our appetite for the ) lie before us. Hero are five essays on the Looul Government "Bill, which at a moderate calculation would fit into two fnir sized volumes. These require to be read, marked, learned, and mwardlv digested. They are accordingly consigned to a pigeon-hole until that blissful millennium arrives when the wicked cease from troubling und weary editors shall have rest. Here we have a delicate three- cornered envelopo with fairy characters inscribed upon its smooth surface. Its contents are a sheet of pink notepaper headed: "To a False OiNE," and signed "Fanny." This i» how she tries to fetch that '•False One" :— I am all alone, and the vigils that play Round love's young dream, have patfled away, And the light of my hpar^ is 'limraed and gone, And I sit in my sorrow, all alone. Yours is evidew ly a bid case, Funny, and we sympathize with you muchly. Our advice is to go for the false one with a moderate size broomhandle. Poe'ry is thrown away on such a mooeter. We have finished the pprusal of the above, when a notorious button-holer come 3 in. " Avaunt! quite my sight! Of all men have I avoided thee." But with the cold resistless eye of a basilisk, and the stern finger of f*te, ho clutches us by the button and proceeds to expatiate on education for two mortal hours, and ii only stopped when exkajsted nature gives way. Reader, this is the experience of a few hours only. In our next we hope to give you a few moia specimens of our sorrows. But though there is much in the various contributions that reach us that many furnish food for satire, we con*lantly receive many valuable hints, much useful information, and kindly encouragement from correiipondents and contributors. Therefore let notl* be discouraged. " The smallest contributions will bo thankfully received." Those who arediipo«€d out of tho plenitude of their wealth to bring tithes and firstlings, may rest assured that their offerings will not be rejected. Early peas and potatoes will always command our respect, and all the culinary and digestive attention proper to the occasion. With the early green peat, a little lamb, or nice young duck wiil be wtlcomed. Even a good sized bullock will not be scornfully rejected, if not "crowded out" for lack of space. As to that other mental food, it is of more impjitance to us than the big oarrots, the early potatoes, and green lisards and things. Kindly readers, there is much that each one of you may do to lighten and cheer th.# labours of an Editor " cabin'd, cribb'd,connVd»" away from the s-ght of the tresh green ifelds, and tiie genial sunihine. Hints on men and things, suggestions for the welfare of jour several districts, eoraps of news, a few vert'ta from f a ir" contributors— even an occasiopa,\ growl are a relief to the daily monotony of Ufa

We understand that it ta owin* to lh-> praiseworthy enterprise o( &r#a geoUeman ai Alexandra, one of them a local Boniface % who '•<» fit ij-ift IT«H «.. «

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/WT18750828.2.17

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Waikato Times, Volume IX, Issue 511, 28 August 1875, Page 2

Word count
Tapeke kupu
1,385

The Editor's Table. Waikato Times, Volume IX, Issue 511, 28 August 1875, Page 2

The Editor's Table. Waikato Times, Volume IX, Issue 511, 28 August 1875, Page 2

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