MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Westport Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1158, 13 March 1874, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

A Handsome Craft.—A seafaring man, who was recently married, gives the following description of the bride and her apparel, which we think will put some of the "society" papers to the blush : —" My wife is just as handsomo a craft as ever left the millinery dry docks, is clipper- built, with a figure head not often seen on small craft. Her length of keel is five feet eight inches, over all five feet eleven inches ; displaces twenty-seven cubic feet of air ; of light draught, which adds to her speed in a ballroom ; full in the waist, spars trim. At the time we were spliced she was newly rigged fore and aft with standing rigging of lace and flowers, mainsail part silk, with {'orestaysail of Valenciennes. Ilcr frame was of the best steel, covered with silk, with whalebone stanchions. The rigging is intended for fair-weather cruising. She has also a set of stormsails for rough weather, aud is rigging out a small set of cauvas for light squalls which are liable to occur in this latitude sooner or later lam told, in running down the street before the wind, she answers the helm beautifully and can turn around iu her own length if a handsomer craft passes by. A strict Scotch woman of Presbyterian education was induced to attend services one Sunday at Trinity, .New York, this being her first appearance in an Episcopal Church. After service was over, she was asked how she liked it, and gave answer that "it was very fine, but it was awfu' wark for the Sabbath clay !"

All American editor says;—"Vv'e acknowledge our indebtedness to Messrs 3?ordkam for a disk of very superior sonp. "We marked it " inside matter, " and gave it an early insertion. Our contributors can always send suck articles without nny fear of their being crowded out or laid over until next week.

A. new use for patent pills has been discovered.. A. farmer living in a Kansas village was abruptly visited by robbers not long ago, and having a gun and powder, bun no shot, loaded with a box of fever pills, and blazed away, The result was as satisfactory as though the rascals had swallowed the pills. One of them wag killed outright, and another dangerously wounded.

The mayor of an English town (he was not an Irishman) put forth an "announcement previous to the races: ' IS r o gentleman will be allowed to ride on the course, except the horses that are to bo run. ' When is an umbrella like a cook's perquisites ?—AVhen it is dripping.

A Philadelphia man lost his wife, jind a young miss oi' six said to his littlo daughter of about the same age, " Your pa will marry again, wont ho ?" " Oh yes" was the reply ; " but not till after the funeral."

Thrilling (pscape.—Onco a careless man went to the cellar, and stuck the candle in what he thought was a keg of black sand. Ho sat near it drinking wine until tho candle burned low. Nearer and nearer it got to the black sand; and as it was sand, nothing happened. A "Funny-man" correspondent writes to tho Missouri Republican that he. has got a situation for his baby. " He is apprenticed in the day-time to an image-maker. His part of tho work is to bo planted in a pot of melted wax, and when it is cool the modeller takes him out and pours, in plaster of Paris and makes cupids."

Kirsty and Jenny, two country lasses, were supping their " parritch " from the same bicker in the harvestfield one morning. " IJeeh " said Kirsty to her neighbour, "Jenny, but thae's awfti' wersh parritch ?" '\Dced are they," said Jenny, " they are that." D'ye ken what they put mo in mind o' ? Justo' akiss frae a body ye dinna like !" A man asked another whom he was about to help to some chicken, whether he wished a leg or a wing. "It's a matter of perfect indifference to me," said the other. " And infinitely more so to me," replied the carver, laying down the knife and fork, and resuming his own dinner.

Apropos. An exquisitely-dressed young gentleman, after buying another seal to dangle about his person, said to the jeweller that he would—ah, like to have —ah, something engraved on it — ah—to denote what he was ! " Certainly, certainly," said the tradesman • "l'il put a cipher ou i!." Speaking of the scheme to warm the Erie canal, the Boston Post thinks the invention might be applied to agriculture. " There is no reason," it says "why the farmers should lose six months in the year just to whim the season." "Why not go farther and melt the harriers to the open polar sea ?

Years ago, when Henry Ward Bcecher's reputation was not worldwide, a Western Young Men's Christian Association tried to persuade the divine to go out and lecture to them without charge, saying it would increase his fame. Ho telegraphed in reply: "I will lecture for E.A.M.E.—fifty and my expenses." What does a man sec in the wild waves ? —Sea foam.