MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Westport Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1151, 17 February 1874, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

An old lady selling eggs in Savannah, Georgia, asked, as usual, "What's the news ?" "The latest," said the obliging clerk, "is that the Yankees have got the Modocs." The old lady struck her knuckles on the counter, and exclaimed, " I hope the last one of 'em will die of it."

Divorces: Unhappy married couples should go to the United States. We clip the following tempting announcement from the New York Herald : " Absolute divorces obtained from different States; legal everywhere; desertion, &c, sufficient cause; no publicity required; no charge until divorce granted ; advice free."

A facetious senior asked a freshman to tell him the difference between a fac-simile and a sick family ; but the laugh was on the senior, for the freshman instantly replied, "No difference ; for a sick family means a family that is sick, and a fac simile means the same."

A German physiologist has discovered that tobacco-smoking by boys '' interferes with the molecular changes coincident with development of tissues, and makes blood corpuscles oval, and irregular at the edge." Any parent can thus ascertain if his boy smokes by merely taking out a handful of his blood corpuscles and observing their edges. The fishermen of Norway carry in their boats a tube, 3ft. or 4ft. in length. They immerse the glazed end in the water, and then looking intently through the glass, they are enabled to perceive objects ten or fifteen fathoms deep as distinctly as if they were within a foot of the surface. So when they discover plenty of fish they surround them with their large draught nets, and often catch them in hundreds at a haul, which, were it not for these telescopes, would frequently prove precarious and unprofitable fishing. This instrument is not only used by the fishermen, bnt is also found in the navy and coasting vessels. How to get a Thing well Done.— During President Grant's stny at Pittsburg, the ladies of the district paid their respects to him at Monongahela House. A gentleman introduced a very pretty girl but added, playfully, " She is a Democrat, General." The old gentleman kissed her on both cheeks, adding with great glee, " I always kiss the Democrat ladies twice—there are so few of them. Why, had it not been for ladies I should not have been where I am. I owe my success to them."