THE HEIGHT OF ABSURDITY

Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 815, 20 May 1871, Page 3

THE HEIGHT OF ABSURDITY

(From the " Pall Mall Gazette.") In spite of the scriptural injunction to the contrary, we suppose that there are people foolish enough to believe that not by " taking thought," but by answering advertisements in cheap newspapers, they can increase their stature. Here is an announcement, cut from an evening contemporary, which shows that gullibility is not an extinct characteristic of Englishmen : —" To short persons—Any one (male or female) wishing to increase in height and symmetry of figure, by means of a remarkable physiological discovery, may send a stamped directed envelope to Captain ." It will be observed that the captain does not promise any revelations, but merely permits the sending of the stamped envelope. Suspicious persons might suspect that this benefactor was going te impound the one stamp sent, and that his physiological discovery was connected with warm water, and the •adjuvenescence by -means of fresh gum of the old stamp. But no, the captain flies at higher game, or rather at more stamps. The result of a firßt application to him produces a neatly printed circular, from which we extract the following gems. He commences : —" The means by which I propose to enable you to increase your stature by some inches (if desirable), and to develop the body proportionately, is founded on personal observation and discovery while engaged in active service among the giant races of Patagonia, in South America. The noble stature of these savages led me to make certain investigations, which on experiment gave very extraordinary results, and the value and efficacy of my discovery is sufficiently demonstrated in my own person, for from the height of 5 feet 8 inches I have in two years increased my stature to 6 feet 1 inch. In consequence, I can confidently speak as to the effect of my method of treatment." What a height the captain would attain if he persevered with his remedy! Progressing at the same rate he would soon be able to earn an honest livelihood as a giant, instead of touting for postage stamps. For, after a few paragraphs showing a truly admirable and beneficent disposition, the cloven foot peeps out in this way: " I cannot, of course, advertise without reimbursement; and as I really think the importance of my discovery deserves some recognition, I will, on the receipt of 5s 8d in uncut stamps, or otherwise, to cover my outlay, forward every information and requisite by return of post." Alas for our trust in human nature! Here is the great philanthropist who will not stir under 5s Bd. The sum is as curious as the proposal is unique in its unblushing impudence. On the opposite page there is a list of questions to be answered, one of which requests the patient to state the height desired, and the captain modestly says:—"l cannot guarantee that the desired height will be exactly attained in all instances, but by a continuance of the treatment a very near approach may he made. Under all circumstances a considerable addition of stature may be confidently anticipated." In spite of this, we agree with the captain that, " all remarkable discoveries are sure to encounter much incredulity, no matter how true or feasible they may be."