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Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 811, 11 May 1871, Page 3

In Africa if anyone comes before a king without a full dress-eostume—that is, a straw hat and a ring in the nose, — his head goes into the waste basket before he can wink twice. " Did that dirty soldier sit here ? " said a shoddy lady who entered a car as a crippled soldier left it. No one answered,. till Michael spoke up : Slmre, ma'am, he sat on his rotundity, and he took it wid him whin he wint out." A Good Reason.—"l like a ehild that cries," said the Abbe Morcllat. " Why ?" Because then it will be taken away.'" _ Which side of a horse should be taken m mounting ? 'j.he outside.

LONDON TEAM WAY SCHEMES. The ordinary traffic of London is to be supplemented by a complete network of tramways. The schemes, twenty-one in number, embrace 376 main lines, loops, branches, and extensions. The total mileage of new tramways proposed for the metropolis is about 250 miles, in addition to the lines already at work, and about 100 miles already authorised, but not yet constructed or opened. The proposed extensions on the south of the Thames are inconsiderable in extent, but on the north side it may be said with truth that there is no thoroughfare north, south, east, or west, that the promoters do not propose to appropriate. One bill, or rather the plans, embraces about 45 miles; another above forty miles ; and one company, the London Street, schedules about 60 miles of streets and roads. The plans of two sets of promoters, the Common Road Conveyance Company and the Southall, Ealing, and Shepherd's Bush Tramway, the one 12 j miles, the other at seven miles, were not lodged at the Private Bill Office. Whether the promoters will receive a dispensation from standing orders remains to be seen. The fact that so many tramways are in contemplation is highly suggestive, and many of our colonies may see fit to imitate the mother country in this mode of locomotion.