TOLD ON LAMBTON QUAY.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XVI, Issue 5211, 19 December 1895, Page 2

TOLD ON LAMBTON QUAY.

[By The Ahoient Mariner,l

' And thus spake on that ancient man, The bright-eyed mariner."—Coleridge,

Wellington, Tuesday, THE REELING PASSION. Those who have the slightest :nowledge of the West Const of the <■£ south Island, well know that the 1 •uling passion of the" old timers" is mnquet and booze. The miners, as a •ule, are case-hardened and highly. lessoned swipers, not necesssarily of ■ liat low order of mammalia who nay be seen in every city, town and mmlet—the soddou boozer. The mning swiper is a cut above the :ommon boozer, for the miner does York and work hard, and brings the mine energy to bear on his liquor, vhile the boozer, "he boozeth all lay," and all nigbt if be can manage t, and novor by any chance does a itroke of work, Another characterstic of the West Coast miner is his lenchnnt for banquets. He enjoys i good " squaro feed " in company, mil will seize upon the most trivial excuse for banquetting. Owing'to ho Midland Railway Arbitration :nso, Wellington is flooded with iVest Coasters, mostly of the oldiimer class, jolly, whisky-drinking, fold-digging-, happy-go-lucky felows, Since they have como to the impire City tlioy have met many ' old mates" and friends who have ™ orsaken the Coast, and to. celebrate his meeting, nothing would do but i banquet. And this function took iffect on Friday last, and was lioroughly enjoyed by all those who vere present. There is a deal of lumourin the constitution of the avorige West Coaster, indeed he could lot oxist without chaff. In the menu >r tucker list of the West Coast mnquet, the funny man of the party iroke out in comic measles. The tucker list as advertised in the local papers, was an excellent production ]f its kind. Maori hen skilly, bush pie, roast Captain Cook, dock tart, slap-jacks, and damper wero somo if the delicacies named. The "swipe list" for old-timers was suggestive, Mid consisted of tanglefoot cocktails, shain lightning, stone fences, Greek lira and other wines andspirits usually jonsumed by white men. Wheelharrows at daylight, and corpse revivers on Saturday morning, indicated that an old-time soak was to ho the order of the evening. Tho West Coasters and their enjoyed themselves, but the singular thing is that King Seddon, the boss banqueteer of modern times was not in it,

For the momont the West Coast banquet arrested attention, and some tough stories, old and new, relating to the West Coast and West Coasters have been" Told 011 Lambton Quay," one or two of which are worth reproducing banker's bluff.

Life in a mining township on the West Coast, is to say the least of it, swift. There is a marvellous celerity in the way whiskies disappear down wide-mouthed, ruddy-coloured tunnels, How many whiskies can a West Coast miner put away in the course of twenty-four hours? It would not bo extravagant to say that the quantity is unknown. Half-a-dozen or more before breakfast, to he followed at brief -vory brief intervals by other whiskies, until the abdominal skin refuses to hold any more of the liquid, and threatens Ifc' to burst with the next thimbleful. (F Into a mining town with a brilliant ™ boozing reputation, a burly bank manager came, 'Hie donor of overdrafts was chosen for the work because of his elbow-bending ability, but in this mining township he woe outmatched. When the average West Coaster was beginning to be jolly and entertaining, tho bank fellow was blind drunk, and this was the order for each day until the banker fell back upon tactics to get square with the miners. His game wassimple, butclfective; each afternoon as soon as the bank doors were closed, he sneaked away to his lodgings, and shutting himself up in his room tumbled into bed for afew hours sleep. About ten o'clock at night, when boozing was brisk, and the boys quite jolly, he would mako his appearance, looking as fresh as paint, and join tho vest in emptying the decanter. They finished up silly, but he had no need of Worcestershire sauce, painkiller, or any other eye-opener to fit him for his work. These tactics won. for the banker the reputation of being the boss boozer of the ™ Borough, while itensured tho respect and admiration of tho mining population.

A YAWNING YARN, • ' Another story which emanates from the West Coasters, is told with much relish, at tlio expense of tho Premier. It appears that King Dick, in one of his political rambles, pulled up with his retinue, towards the close of day, at a village on the outskirts of civilization. The Hon. Richard Seddun lias a notoriety for making himself at home in any sort of company; ho can feed with the rest, wobble a little, tell a cuffer, play a game of poker, bluff a good deal, tumble to the situation, or into a beer barrel, as the need of the hour may suggest. Ho is generally voted good com puny, by all who have been there. At this particular village, Richard and his retinue were treated to the time-honoured banquet, the toasts were many, and the whisky and water plentiful, The leading man of the village, in his efforts to do homage to the King, omitted the water and stuck antly to whisky. By and by the f liquor refused to trickle down his * throat; his eyes refused to see; his legs struck work, and his body re- , volted, The village celebrity slipped from his banqueting chair, and sprawled under the table, overcome with the quality and quantity of whisky; and, under the table, he slept the deep, heavy slumber of tho " fully-tanked." His absence was not noticed uutil it was time to toast the Premier, when the non-appear-ance of the chief man of the villago, was discovered. Those around the festive board, were possibly not capable of noting such little events as the disappearance of a man, and the matter was dismissed from the mind, when someone suggested that tho shining light of the village had gone home. The banquet, like all good things, came to an end, and as the Promier was to move on at an early hour in the morning, deputations had to be received before he left. In the same room of the' &L bush pub in which the banquet was ™ held, King Dick was obliged to attend upon the deputation, Ho stood up to the table, one hand resting upon the chair he occupied the previous evening, The deputation spouted and the King listened. All sorts of things wero wanted, public works of almost every kind, for the village, according to the deputation, was' I bound to be heard of iu'the dirrj

'/ future, The King had just heaved his chest, his lips had got into position to give sound to the subtle thoughts which were to please the deptitationists, when—Grout Scot! the King got a bite, and pulled uphis leg only to let it go again like a . flash] vvhett the royal foot, oncased in * heavy 10's, landed on something spongy. Tho nose o( the loading man * .. • tof the village who slipped from his HRhnir tbo night before, and slopt oil jhe effects of the banquet nnder the table, was tho object struck by King Richard's foot, Tho cackle of tho deputation woke him, and in stretching out his arras for tho morning f yawn, grasped the Premier's pedal oxtremitios, and paid the penalty for * pulling the Premier's legs. A SHORT SUIIIT AXD A SMIIE, .) Tho following littlo story is known to a few only of the habitues of Lambton-quay, and is well worth relating. The scone is laid in tho Uriwera country, and the time when j the Premier and his party visited t that uncongenial territory. The Uriwera natives retain a good many of their primitive and savage ways. Tho bold warriors and dusky wahinesgo through lite with as little clothing as possible, while the younger generation have no knowledge of raiment. Among the aborfiginals to welcome the Ministerial party was a dainty and handsome Maori maiden, whoso symmetrical .jorni took the eye of overyone of tho "Wsitors. She was voted a splendid specimen of a Maori girl, and was treated with much gallantry by the visiting white men, The girl was scantily clad, like the rest, of her tribe, but herstyle and manners were I beyond reproach. A younger member of tho Ministerial party had many tite-u-tetc conversations with her, and enjoyed hiruselfia studying her simple ways. This young fellow was charged with the duty of looking after the writing matsrials, pens, ink and paper, which he had stowed away f"'' in his trunk. When these little things were wanted and a search was made in tho trunk it was found that the red ink bottle was broken and its contents had discoloured a prominent portion of ft fiuo white shirt. In a moment of oxtremo but incautious charitableness, he decided upon givi ing the spoiled shirt to the Maori • beauty and the decision was quicklyput into execution. Tho maiden was strictly enjoined not to adorn herself with this symbol of civilisation until the pakeha visitors had defled, and the girl readily promised bey. The Uriwera farewell was of demonstration, hand-shaking, « waving of arms, and the white men responded heartily, slinking the paws of young and old. When the leavetaking had reached as it were, its most exciting point, there came a roar of laughter from several of the pakolws, who nearly went into hysterics at the irresistibly comical j sight presented by the Maori beauty, for there she stood before them in a short shirt and a smile. The fun had scarcely stopped when the party broko out afresh in screaming laughter,as one of the pakehas called attention to the triangular piece, which considerate seamstresses deem necessary on a shirt, and it was found that six letters of the alphabet in blackest of marking-inks was plainly visible. Those tell-tale letters divulged the name of the donor whose sickly smile corroborated the ousting evidence.

A JOUKXALISr "called." ■JtiW plums fall to the lot of a Pknalist. More particularly is this the case in New Zealand. Grinding out "copy" for the amusement and enlistment of the public, with never a hope for better things is the fate of the average pressman. Sometimes, however, New Zealand scribblers receive a "call" to the other iide, and the lucky one sees before lira greater prospects with plenty if scope for improvement. Within he last few days, Mr E. D. Hoben, \ f

lie well-known reporter on the st if the Emrimj Posi, lias been offeree rod Iras accepted a position on tli itaif of the Sydney l)aily Telegraph :'or which paper lie will "do" th musical and dramatic criticism. 11 Hoben has fairly pn this highe step in journalism, for he has, in thi few years he has been on the Post established a reputation for smar; and clean journalistic work, Hii literary style is full of promise, ant for the particular work upon whicl ho will be engaged in Sydney, hf shows special talent. He will be best remembered locally, as the mai that let daylight into the Fox corresaflde'nee, and which, at the time, wised a sensation and the appointment of a Royal Commission. To him iB due the present healthy condition of Kugby football; lie has worked in season and out of season in the interests of this popular game, and his zeal has beenamply rewarded. His football song, " Crom-a-boo," has been hummed and strummed in overy key, and is still popular with footballers. Mr Hoben is not without faults, but they are such that time and experience will rendor harmless, and thero is every reason to believe that he will make a name for himself in the wider field he iB about to enter. Mr Hoben would do well to leave behind him his mannerisms and his golf-suit, both of which are intolerable.

THE GARDES GATE. The troubles of householders ii this Gity are many and varied. Thi wind and the dust are for ever assert ing themselves and annoying us ■Want of room prevents us having decent homes, and high rates havi involved high rentals, In spite ol all theso' troubles some of us fine jfca&ure in our gardens, and it mus confessed that there are a fev fairly flower gardens in thi City. Horticulture lias its disadvantages, which are increased by thi depredations of the flower thieves. & friend of mine who possesses a lovely gardentvliich stands temptingly neai the roadway, has suffered considerably, by the pilfering of children, and the handiwork of midnighi marauders. To save his (lowers from night attacks, lie has made use of the electric bell, and the mechanism is 60 cunningly arranged, thai the opening of tlio garden gate, sets the bell ringing. Que night recently, the alarm bell signalled a thief, and ay friend, in pyjamas rushed to the bedroom window, and pulling the blind aside, saw a hulking great fellow, with bag and spade, ready for operations. The frou-frou noise made by moving the blind, attracted the notice of the thief, who, ping the figure at the window, knew that his game was over. The <■* had apparently been in such a jjfeaicament before, and knew lion to stave off capture. In a voice lqud enough to be heard by the man al the window, be shouted out, " Youi back premises are tin fire, Mister.' Down went the blind, and pyiamai ■ disappeared, to the back of the house wlieri a second ring on the electrii bell, announced .the faot that thi thief had skedaddled by a clevei ruse. .

THE IiQUIDATOR. Tho shareholders hero of the Colonial Bank aro getting anxious about the liquidation. They want to know when the liquidator is to be appointed, and who is to bo the liquidator. Head-ofticeis very silent on these points, and shareholders aro left to gather what they can from rumour and gossip. The latest from the "man in the street" is that Mr K. J. Uoid, tho late manager of the Colonial Bank in Wellington, is to have a hand in the liquidation, Mr i Raid declined, the berth offered him lin the Bank of New Zealand, and i booked passages to England for himIself and family, and turned over his household gods to tho loving care of the auctioneer. Mr Reid, however, has not yet left tho Colony, but is, I believe, now in Dunedin, and this facts lends colour to the rumour. The shareholders generally will be glad to see the process of liquidation set in motion.