A Silly Ola Man.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XI, Issue 3426, 4 February 1890, Page 2

A Silly Ola Man.

(By Rambler),

Some few months ago while travel ling thro' tho Northern distriots I arrived one evening at the thriving and populous township of Pilgrimston, and as usual put up at my favorite house of call. Having performed my ablutions and thus outwardly refreshed, I made my way to the dining room, and in a fow moments was engaged in disposing of what is commonly called a "square meal." I had not been long in the room before my attontionwas arrested by the heartbroken sighs of an elderly man, and feeling interested 1 enquired of one of the waitresses the causo of his trouble. She iu a few wards explained that the day previous she.had asked the old boy to escort her to a dressmaker's house a little out of town, thinking that being aged and fatherly he would take no notice of it, whereas, if she hid asked one of tho younger men staying in the house she might have been deemed forward. But, to her surprise, the hoary-headed one made ranch of it, boasted he had made a conquest, and wont on in such a manner that she decided to do without him, oven if eho went alone. She accordingly gavo him, the slip, and when he discovered tho fact his anger was only equalled by the merriment of the other moil. Next morning he was minus at the 1 breakfast table, and on asking for him I was told he was in bed, shamming sick, refusing to eat, and moaning piteously, I therefore suggested that, to have some sport, I would pretend I was a medical man, and that they had sent for mo. Everyono fell in with tho idea, so encasing mysolf in an overcoat, I mounted tho stairs and went to the old boy's bedside. He oyed mo a little suspiciously, asked mo who had sent for me, and who I was. I informed him that I was a physician, ! and that his case was a serious one, that I had been seut for by the landlord as ho had been unconscious for nearly three days. This little prevarication so surprised him that he nearly leapt, out of bed. Was it possible that ho had been iu bed three days? Was I quite sure I had made no mistake, Of course I assured him of my voraoity, and looked so professionally solemn that ho actually bolioved me.. I then feft his pulse, asked him a few questions, and, ordoring a cold bath every half hour, left tho room almost bursting with suppressed laughter, Unfortunately lor tho successful carrying out of the joke, the party walla of the houso were not thick.and through two of tho girls conversing on the matter in the adjoiuing room the old man discovered the hoax, In less than winking timo he was in amongst them swearing he would havo them locked up and as for tho" doctor" ho would shoot him on the spot, I was out at tho timo, but on returning found him waiting forme. " Why what are you doing! out of bed," I remarked. "Don't' talk to me," he said, " I want none! of,your sympathy, and if you don't at ohoo show mo your diploma, I'll run you in I" I told him I did not carry such a valuable document about, but since ho was so much better I would trouble him for my fees. This put the finishing touch on him, and he ran to fotch the police. That night the Sergeant stopped mo iu the street, and on my tolling him the factsoftho case he laughed heartily, remarking' " that a cold bath was not a bad pre scription for an afflicted heart,"

SMALL HOLDINGS There is (says the Fruit Farm Review, a new periodical devoted to the interests of fruit growing on farms) a general and steady demand for small plots of land with a house attached in tho rural districts of England. The greatest demand is for three and five acre holdings. This demand, however, cannot be satisfied. From enquiries amongst'the leading land agents we find that if there was a fair, quantity of such plots in the market thoy would secure tenants immediately, This growing demand is a hoallhj sign and should be met, In every caso wo were informed they had n'o snob plots on theit books, although frequent enquiries woro made for them. In one case a small houso and fivo acres of land, thirty miles from London, brought ovqr fortyiive applicants the first day. and it was let aton.ee. This demand is almost as great in Loudon as in the country. Out of tha fortyfive applications referred to, seventeen were from residents uv Jjondoiu At scores.nf places, such as Bexley and' Dartford, no small holdings have beon in the market for years,

Terrible Sufferings in an Open Boat.

A Gsberman was rescued on Sunday . from an open boat in Hobson's Bay., after a terrible experience, He was named Charles Bailey, and was one of the two, the other being James Page,' who went out from Beaumaris, somo distance below Brighton, on Thursday afternoon last. The oraft in which they set out was n half-decked sailing boat, their object being to meet a ploasure party at Mornington. There was a rough choppy sea to be encountered, and their steering was attended with considerable difficulty; still they managed to breast the swell, Bailey und Page taking Clio tiller alternately. ■ vVbile Bailey was endeavouring to relieve himself of his clothing, which had got wet through, a wave of tie-. niendous force struck the side bt their boat and sent her almost side over. Before she recovered an even keel another billow dashed against her, filling her completely. The efforts of the men to regain there places were futile, und they were driven to the desperate necessity of clinging to their craft as well as they could, This was no easy'task in the heavy, sea prevailing, but they faced the : situation, The boat would not hold both men of, one time. They were at first thrown out into the sea, but alter n hard struggle they regained the boat. She would, hold' one safely enough, but as soon as both of them attempted to get into her they .vould ;• be again cast out. ■ Tho accident) happened shortly after two o'clock, on; Thursday afternoon, and from then for nearly six hours this sort of struggle was continued.; The poor fellows were terribly distressed by their exertions, and to add to their sufferings the sun beat down on their heads with almost overpowering effect. They folt that it was driving them mad. Taking turn by turn in the boat while the other clung on at the side, they managed to tear their clothing, and by fastening some of the strips together they made ut covering for their heads, whioh acted as some protection against tbn sun. They struggled on in this way till about half past oight o'clock without chancing upon any assistance or drifting any nearer the land, Page had been rapidly growing weaker and weaker, and at last remarked to hia companion that he could hold on no longer. Three successive times ho' loosod his hold, and each time Bailey, although all but exhausted himself, got him hack to the boat, and urged him to hold on and hope on. Soon afterwards a wave struck him, carried him away, awl he was never seen again. Bailey scrambled into tho waterlog boat, and there he remained, drifting aimlessly about, without food, without water, and with no means of guiding his boat at all. Daylight oame, and brought with it hopo of speedy assistance, but all Friday passed and still ho was not rescued, His thirst became almost unendurable. Ho could not sleep, .though ho was exhausted with the long struggle he had gone through during tho night. A southerly wind held through all this time, and tho wreck was buffeted about in a woeful way. Friday night seemed even longer than the preceding one, and ho scarcely hoped to survive it. On Saturday ho felt certain help would come, but ho passed that day and night as the others, only growing weaker, When Sunday arrived he was nearly despairing, having become almost senaoless and too weak to gazo out over the glittering sea for the aid that was so long in coming. The schooner Swallow, on her way to Melbourne on Sunday alternoon, discerned a straogo object in the natov. The captain at onco concluded it was a case of distress, and he had a boat put off to tho rescue. When tho disabled boat was roacbed, the sufferer was scarcely conscious and quite speechless. He was put to bed on arrival at Williamstown; and is likely to recover. When it is remembered how fearfully strong the sun's rays wero on tho thrco days he was out, some idea may bo formed of what he suffered. With a blazingsunat over MO degrees, it is a wonder he kept life through his dreadful oxperionco, MISCELLANEOUS. For a century and more no fiold force has seemed complete without 1 its regiment or detachment of High--1 landers, no army without its Highland. Brigade In outsport affairs and formal sieges, pitched battles in tho 1 plain and semi-amphibious warefare; 1 under sullen Crimean skies or Indian suns.on Afghan snows or red Egyptinn sands, or against the sombro backgrounds of- Canadiun forests tho figure of the Highlander stands out 1 in bold and honourable relief, In popular story his sacrifices and ndvonturos havo assumed an almost legendary colour; his pluck and pugnacity havo passed into a proverb. —Scots Observer,

Somebody at Vienna lias 'jusbiit* vonted a powder which seems likely to put a very different complexion on all future military operations, The powder in question, when ignited, has the novel quality of sending up such,' a dense smoke that in oight or nine minutes fighting is quite out of the question. There is something decidedly quaint in tho idea of foiling your enemy by enveloping him, and yourself, in an exaggerated London fog,

A Dublin papoi says, and tbere may bo some truth in the statement, that hot stables have doubtless materially assisted in making roarers, and the cooler wo keop our stables, < in reason, the beiter ns a preventive The late Tom Pair, who trained and owned a lot of good horses some 30 years ago, including Fisherman, Weathergane, Saucebox, Mortimer, Rataplan, ko., invariably adopted this plan, whioh, indeed, ho rathor carried to excess as he would uso rough-boarded loose boxes through the open chinks of which tho wind whistled with cutting keencss in midwinter, while a single rug was thrown over the loins of the horses. Moreover, he rode these habitually as hacks' along tho roads, and occasionally with tho hounds, at had been done many years ago by Mr Ferguson, who was oneo asked in the bunting field what ho would take for his horse, when he replied, "Seven thousand guineas." The horse was Harkaway, who would have been cheap at the money. Two little children, aged two and three years, named King, were burned to death near Adelaide last week. Their parents left them asleep in the bottom of a cart, and on returning found the vehicle in flames, and tha children and the horse burned to death. Two suspected Now Caledonian escapod convicts, who lmvo been brought down from Townsville to Brisbane were identified by M. Focachon, a warder from Noumea, as* being criminals, one of whom had been sentenced to imprisonment for life for murder, and tho other to eight years for robbery. There are 10 othors in the Brisbane gaol, six of whom have not been identified,

J Hsmntorfost, poihaps the notthern--1 moat habitation in Europe, is about _ i to ndopb electricity to illuuiinatu her j street!, The town is in tho Polhi 1 Ciiclo, and darkness prevails three . months out of twelve. i In Servia a law has been passed requiring all shops and places of business to be closed, not only on Sunday, but on all tho holy days of tho Church as weli. All told tho number is 180. i Tho law is rigidly enforced. A Glasgow minister has declared Mjoin tho pulpit that "tho bulk of were so lazy that they could not exert themselves to make their ministrations attractive"; while yet another local colobruty has publicly Oiprcssod tho opinion that "anthems express to a congregation the sentiments of a text to as great advuntage ns a minister does by his exposition," | England as the breeding centre of !j the world is sending livestock of all ■.' kinds over the known world, Tho exportation of high class fowls is ; enormous. Within tho last threw •| months birds valued at about £2OOO I have beeu sent to Australia alw.u, {and now South America is buying Last week one let of Dorkings was sent to Peru, and 11 Irois ,; of various breeds to the Argentino U Republic.