WELLINGTON.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 2908, 26 May 1888, Page 2

WELLINGTON.

(Prom Our Own Correspondent) Parliamentary

There is little Parliamentary news to recount since my last letter. Several Bills were, however, advanced a stage on Wednesday night, the second reading of Mr Hutchison's Employment of Females Bill, the Californian Thistle Bill, Sir George Grey's Limitation of Votes Bill, and last but by no means least Mr Samuel's Divorco Extension Amondment Bill being all carried on the voices. DIVORCE. Doubtless the most important of these measures is Mr Samuel's Bill, which that gentleman supported with many cogent and unanswerable arguments. H was opposed by the fossils, young and old, of the House. Among the former may be classed the estimable Dr Hodgkinson who lives in a serene atmosphere of bye-gone times and considers woman--Heaven only knows why—considerably tho" lesser man." The prudish Percival,although his experience of the fair sex must at present be limited to nurse maids, was only dead against ill-mated couples of the yolk, and the phenomenon was not favorable to any extension or simplification of the Divorce laws. As, however, these two young gentlemen have beenrearedin an atmosphere reeking with Bishops, Deans, and Canons, we must not expect much liberality of sentiment from them.

time 1

Both sides of the House were by 110 means disinclined to make a parliamentary holiday, out of the Queen's Birthday. They are somewhat in the the positiou of prize-fighters sparring for wind and, therefore, not sorry to retire for a brief space to their corners and think matters out in such calm seclusion. The Financial Statement now looms in the immediate future and both Ministerialists and Oppositionists will want all their breath to consider that remarkable tariff which is to please alike Freetraders and Protectionists. I should not be at all surprised .if the Atkinsonian party went bung oyer the statement, but then one is suprised at nothing in our House of Representatives.

THE QUEEN'S BIRTHDAY

Passed off without any exuberant display of loyalty. The weather was certainly beautiful, a trifle cold, but bright. Early in the forenoon the army mustered and fired a sad jeu de joie—sad, because it was as ragged as a scarecrow. The total rank and file on parade numbered considerably under 400. The marching, the manual, and platoon exercises were, I am sorry to say, just about as bad as they could be. The great blot on our Volunteer system, and which was very apparent yesterday is the lack of discipline, for which not the men but the officers are to be blamed. Volunteers in uniform go loafing about the streets with pipes in their mouths, sometimes in a mixed costume, part military, part mufti, not seldom carrying their rifles in a manner ridiculous to view and dangerous to passers by. Surely if a man wears the uniform he should respect it, and uniform, if it means anything, symbolises order, decency, propriety, and regard for discipline. At one time' English Volunteers were in the habit of knocking round the streets in the sloppy manner herein objected to, but they have changed all that of late years, and recruits are taught that as long as they are in the uniform of their corps they are soldiers, and must behave as such, and not go roaring round like black-militiamen at the sacking of a city. Should our Volunteers ever go into action I have no doubt they will develop plenty of pluck but not one iota of discipline. Undisciplined valor is even worse than cowardice m its effects.

PHRENOLOGY.

In the evening I looked in at the Theatre Koyal, where a gentleman in a dress suit and a mournful countenance, assisted by a number of fearful and wonderful diagrams, was discoursing phrenology. No wonder lie looked glum, His audience numbered some 20 persons, dead-heads included. I was surprised at this; I thought that phrenological lecturers were mostly millionaires. Had any young man with a good memory and unlimited cheek consulted me as to a profession, I should have advised him to get some talented sign-painter to paint him a few diagrams, and to go shrieking through the lands as "Professor Bunkum, tliecelebrated phrenologist." Heretofore in New Zealand there lias been money in it, and the able-bodied man who could, with due solemnity, paw bumps, and assure anxious mothers that little Johnnie had all tip talents, and Susie all the virtues in their craniums or' cerebellums, was sure to scrape in the sugar. Then there was the chart business, I

have seen hundreds writing 011 a learned 1 Professor' to receive a chart of their heads, and be. told in bloodcurdling accents that they were Bismpls's or Gladstone's in disguise. Phrenology is no more an accurate science than is theology, and seldom pans out satisfactorily, but it rakes deep down into human vanity, and ■consequently its • Professors'generally rake in the coin, ANOTHER WAR SCARE, Some small'exoitement was caused yesterday by an announcement which appeared in the window of the Evening Post office to the effect that the proprietors were authorised to contradict a statement which hail been made to the pffeot that the local Government had received a telegram from tl(e Home authorities declaring war to he imminent —no such cablegram having been received. The announcement in question re-assured most of those who hiid heard the rumor. The subsequent martial appearance of our citizen army did the rest,,

MOPPING THIS FLOOR WITH AN EDITOR.

I lparn from private advices that the editor of a certain northern paper has ?been rather badly mauled by an pnraged gentleman who asserts lie has been libelled in the aforesaid editor's columns, The affair has been kept rather quiet, but furfe developments are oxpwtgd. newsier

readers are very tetchy, especially in the north. I once edited a paper in that region, one of the meekest, most inoffensive papers conceivable, and yet able-bodied men were continually prancing in, asking for the editor, •with war in their hearts, and sticks in their hands. They seldom found the editor, though. My colleague (a burly person, who had signed articles to superintend the fighting) and myself sat on a kind of raised dais— on the skylight built to illumine the machine in the basement. We sat at the same long table, and as a matter of form, kept a trifle of handy-sized leaden piping on the floor between us. When misguided persons, thirsting for gore, had taken a good view of the worthy sub., and recognised the latent force in the bit of lead, they generally seemed satisfied, and went out in a more christian frame ■of mind, Once, however, the door suddenly opened, and the longest man I had ever seen out of a show precipitated himself into the room. He was not only very long, but fearfully muscular, and disgustingly active, and showing more wickedness in the face to the square inch, than auy man ought to have. Immediately the fighting editor had sized the stranger, he got up, and said bethought he would go out.' He made towards the door. " Are you the editor ?" asked the stranger as my friend passed him. " No, sir 1" replied the dastard; " There he sits," pointing to me. . The gentleman slowly and deliberataly approached, looking perfectly murderous.

" Are you the editor ?" he said, "Yes." " Oh ! you are, are you ?" "Yes, but—" " Did you write this article ?" " Yes, but please listen—" " You wrote this article, eh ?"

Here he put his hand into his pocket, and I madly'groped for, but could not find, the bit of leaden piping. " Well, Sir, that's about om of the best articles I ever read, and I want to pay a year's subscription m advance." Then the big counterfeit, who had the door in his hand all the time, came back smiling, aud remarked incidentally that he had written the particular article that so pleased the stranger, who paid Aim the money, and afterwards invited him out to take a drink.